Description:
In this episode, Alexandria talks about how being diagnoses with bipolar disorder at 21 years old impacted her pregnancies. She also unexpectedly experienced postpartum psychosis after her first birth, leading her to intentionally prepare to experience it again after her 2nd birth. She also touches on how experiencing a miscarriage after her first birth caused her to have debilitating depression that continued throughout her subsequent pregnacy.
Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only with no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. I, Kiona Nessenbaum, am not a licensed medical professional. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experience of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
Resources:
- Alexandria Smith: https://momwifeworshiplife.com/
- Perinatal Support of Washington: https://perinatalsupport.org/
- Postpartum Support International: https://www.postpartum.net
Definitions:
- Baker Act
- Postpartum Preeclampsia
- Peripartum Cardiomyopathy
- Postpartum Psychosis
- Intrauterine Device (IUD) Birth Control
- Early/Premature Menopause
- Infant Acid Reflux
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Transcription of Episode 43:
[00:00:00] Kiona: Hello, and welcome to Birth As We Know It. I am your podcast host, Kiona Nessenbaum. I have experienced birth as a doula, a student midwife, and as a mother of three amazing children with my husband and high school sweetheart by my side. After attending over 130 births, including my own, I’ve realized that each birth experience is truly unique.
So make sure you subscribe and join me every week as we are guided through many different birth experiences through the lens of the storyteller. Please be aware that some of the stories can be triggering to hear, so feel free to pause, take a breath, and come back and listen whenever you’re ready. With that said, let’s prep ourselves to dive deep and get detailed about what really happens in the birth space.
As a reminder, this podcast is intended for educational purposes only, and has no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experiences of the storytellers. All medical or health related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
Before we dive into this episode today, I want to ask you to please listen to this episode with the intention of sharing it with a friend. As you’re listening, I ask that you pay attention to the parts that pull your heartstrings, as well as paying attention to the things that you can relate to. If you can relate to it, I’m sure one of your friends may be able to relate to it as well. So please, as you’re listening, feel free to share. Sharing this podcast will allow others to hear these amazing stories and to be able to learn about birth through storytelling. All right, let’s get into the episode.
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Birth As We Know It podcast. Today, I am excited to say that I have Alexandria Smith on, and she is the founder of Mom Wife Worship Life, and it is where she offers public speaking and coaching. So, welcome, Alexandria. Thanks for coming on.
[00:02:13] Alexandria: Thank you so much for having me.
[00:02:15] Kiona: Yeah, I’m super excited to dive into your birth stories and then particularly your postpartum.
But let’s go ahead and start off with you telling us a little bit about yourself and who’s in your family.
[00:02:27] Alexandria: Okay. again, I’m Alexandria Smith. I am married to my wonderful husband, Steven. We’re from Jacksonville, Florida, where he is a local pastor and, personal injury attorney. My two girls, Alia Grace is seven and Mia is two. I am a stay at home mom and I recently started a new business. as you mentioned, mom, wife, worship life where I offer mental wellness, coaching and public speaking as well.
[00:03:00] Kiona: I think that is so awesome and your family sounds absolutely beautiful.
[00:03:04] Alexandria: Thank you.
[00:03:05] Kiona: yeah, of course. So before we dive too deep into your personal experiences. Prior to your own pregnancies and births, did you attend a birth at all?
[00:03:17] Alexandria: Never.
[00:03:18] Kiona: No?
[00:03:19] Alexandria: I would never. I was very inexperienced as far as all of the Things that go with birthing when I had my daughter, my first daughter, I had never experienced that before.
[00:03:30] Kiona: Hmm, yeah, and I think that’s a really common thing as well because, I feel like a lot of people go along the lines of like, alright, find my spouse, get married, have a baby, and then they never talk about what struggles or potential things will come into play, and most people don’t learn about it.
Unless they’re bit by the bug somehow, ahead of time, you know?
[00:03:52] Alexandria: well, the thing is, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 21 years old. So, in my dating life, that was always something I brought up very early on because I didn’t want to, like, have an episode and, scare my partner away, so I always bought it up very soon in the dating process.
and a lot of times I would have episodes throughout, different relationships and it would cause relationships to end. So with my husband, we talked about what that would look like. I always thought I would maybe have to have a surrogate because of the medication I was taking. I didn’t know if I would be able to carry my own child.
I knew breastfeeding wasn’t really going to be an option. So once we got to the point where we knew we were going to be serious, we did talk about a lot of that stuff ahead of time. We took all the, the birthing classes. I made, I dragged them along with me, but,
[00:04:44] Kiona: hmm.
[00:04:44] Alexandria: um, the, the hospital offered, cause I really didn’t know.
Now he is the oldest boy of six children. He has one older sister, but he has a lot of siblings. He kind of felt like he had more experience with babies than I did, but we did take all those classes because I just felt like it’s better to know something than to just go in completely, blind and not knowing anything.
[00:05:09] Kiona: Mm hmm. So, let’s go ahead and dive into the conception process with Alia Grace, and then we’ll talk about at what point throughout your pregnancy you decided to get that birth education and things like that.
Was the conception process planned? Was it…
[00:05:24] Alexandria: ha ha ha ha ha
No she was a surprise. we So I’ll tell you this, we got married in May of 2015. Ali Grace was born in December, so y’all can do the math, So no, she wasn’t planned. it was, she was very much a surprised and honestly surprising because I was almost 35. I was 34 when we got married. we got married in May.
I turned 35 in July. So, all the. Research says you should struggle to conceive at that age. your eggs are old and all those things. So I was very shocked when I got pregnant. My husband said he knew right away,
[00:06:13] Kiona: Hmm.
[00:06:14] Alexandria: He said he just knew it. But I was very like, there’s no way I’m pregnant. It doesn’t happen that easily, It’s no way. So, it took me a minute to kind of, grasp and get excited. At first, I was very, um, not upset, but just not prepared. Not like I thought I would be, but we did, we got it together. And, um, I think I will say, although I was 34 when we conceived,both of us were well along in our careers and we, had finished our advanced degrees and, so I think we were at a good place in life.
We had both traveled a lot and experienced a lot of things as individuals, so I think bringing her into the world at that time was good for us because we were more mature and able to provide for her things we may not have been able to have as children or especially with my husband. He was You know, like I said, he had six, six of them and his mom was a single mom.
So it was not, a lot, a whole lot that he was exposed to as a child, but we were able to give her those things, as older, older parents.
[00:07:22] Kiona: hmm. Yeah, I think that is actually really awesome. and, The fact that you and your husband, as individuals, got to experience life and, like, do the things that you felt were right for yourselves and then come together and just, like, create together. It kind of seems like it was, like, the universe aligning everything,
it was, it was God’s plan that you guys met and,
[00:07:47] Alexandria: Well, we’ve known each other since. Middle school. So I
mean, it’s justthe fact that we were where we got together when we did after all those years of being in middle school and high school together, it definitely was, God’s plan. Definitely. And, I tell everybody how patient my husband is with me, especially with the mental illness.
The fact that he stood by me and really, has become my biggest cheerleader, my biggest supporter. That lets me know that that this was definitely meant to be. We’ve been married for eight years now, going on nine. So it’s, he’s definitely been, my biggest supporter through all of this, through the pregnancies, the postpartum, the bipolar, the everything. It’s just, he is my rock.
He really is very steady and consistent.
[00:08:38] Kiona: I think that’s amazing, because having a strong partner throughout your pregnancy is such a huge deal.
[00:08:46] Alexandria: Mm hmm.
[00:08:47] Kiona: It makes such a big difference, and I’m happy that you also dragged him along to all those birth classes, just to give him information as well. But, let’s go ahead and dive into how your pregnancy with Alia Grace was.
[00:09:02] Alexandria: So with Alia Grace my pregnancy was absolutely amazing, like, it was beautiful. I enjoyed every minute of it. I was very active before I got pregnant with her. So I was able to remain active. I did yoga probably two or three times a week with her. I ate very well. I was, I was just I was in a healthy place before I got pregnant, so it was easy, easier to maintain.
I remember craving orange juice. That was like a weird craving, but, from the very beginning, it was like I need, like, all the orange juice. So, I don’t know if that was a vitamin C deficiency or what, but, I remember that. But I didn’t have, like, any weird cravings or anything. And I didn’t have any mental health issues throughout my pregnancy.
I was almost more calm . I can’t really explain it, but I was very calm. I prepared a lot. Like I said, I went to all the classes. I read all the books. I got all the apps. I did. I, got our nursery ready, at least, Two months in advance and washed all the clothes and did you know did all the things but Yeah, I didn’t have any depression symptoms or not much anxiety. Definitely no mania It was just a really beautiful experience with her.
[00:10:30] Kiona: I think that’s beautiful. And it’s interesting that, you’re saying that you felt more calm than prior to when you became pregnant. And it’s just so interesting how the hormones work, you know, because for most people, they say, when they become pregnant, they’re super hormonal. Like, it’s easier for them to snap or to get irritated and things like that. And your hormone balance was just a little bit different. And so you felt a little bit more chill.
[00:10:55] Alexandria: it was almost like in my mind. I believe that the pregnancy was healing me. I thought, what if this is, you know, the, cause you know, they say when you have a mental illness that it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain. And I remember when the doctors would tell me that when I was first diagnosed, I would say, well, how do you know, if you’ve never done any brain scans or tests, what do you mean?
There’s an imbalance. What’s imbalance. So in my mind, I thought, well, maybe the pregnancy is, is the hormone changes are. balancing this imbalance out, That’s what it felt like it was making everything right.
[00:11:33] Kiona: Yeah, I can definitely see that. And that probably felt really good
[00:11:37] Alexandria: It did. It really did, yeah.
[00:11:40] Kiona: Oh, that’s great. And so nearing the end of your pregnancy, at what point were you thinking that you were going to go into labor?
[00:11:51] Alexandria: never went into
[00:11:52] Kiona: Mm
[00:11:53] Alexandria: I never went into labor. I remember going into my last doctor’s appointment knowing that I wasn’t having any labor sym, I dunno if symptoms is the right word, but I wasn’t having any contractions. I wasn’t having any type of pain. I didn’t feel like I was about to have a baby anytime soon.
And I remember wanting to ask her, can we schedule a C-section? And I knew that. The answer was going to be no because there was no reason for it, but my husband actually said, let’s just get to the root of it. She wants to know if she can have a c section and the doctor was like, well, no, we have to, try to go through normal, labor.
There’s no reason to schedule a c section at this time, but I never felt like I was in labor even I was, my baby was doing the 18th of December. She was born on the 22nd, so I never. Really went into labor. I never lost my plug. I never My water didn’t break on its own. None of that. None of it happened.
I didn’t have any contractions. So they finally decided to induce me after I was overdue for several days and when I got there, I remember them hooking me up to the machines, and they were saying I was having contractions, I just couldn’t feel them, which is crazy. But I’ve always had a very high tolerance for pain, so I don’t, I don’t even know, really, I can’t say I don’t know what contractions feel like, but I never had the whole labor experience.
[00:13:22] Kiona: So when you did get induced, how did that go from induction to birth?
[00:13:28] Alexandria: It was scary, I got induced, but it didn’t, it didn’t kick in. Like, , I wasn’t dilating on my own. the contractions were coming very slowly. I just wasn’t progressing through my labor as, I don’t know if you say normal. I don’t know what’s normal, but I remember my doctor coming in and like manually dilating me Because I wasn’t dilating on my own and so I labored for a while with no epidural just and like I said, I don’t really The contractions, I just remember they had a belt around my waist, not a belt, but you know, where they measure, whatever they’re measuring.
And I just remember it tightening up. It was never really painful. I could just feel it tightening, and that’s how I knew I was having a contraction. And then it would release. So, I did that for a while. I, I labored probably for 14 hours. With no epidural, no nothing. and then my baby’s heart rate started to drop.
So, I remember them rushing in, giving my husband the scrubs to put on. They were going to take me to do the C section. And then our heart rate came back up. So, they wanted to, Try to see if I could progress, you know normally so Try it again for so I probably labored total 22 to 24 hours Before they finally did the emergency c-section because her heart rate dropped again and my doctor was like, okay, we’re done. We’re not gonna keep playing this game.
So That was very scary. Especially I think the first time her heart rate dropped like I cuz I’m very observant. So I was listening to the machines, like I heard it, like I knew, and it took the doctors a while to come in and say, Hey, your heart rate’s dropping, but I knew it. And then the second time, I believe I was in a good, a good amount of pain by then.
I did get an epidural eventually, but, the second time I remember me and my husband were praying. And so it was very quiet. And I heard it drop again and I started I just started crying like they gotta get this baby out of me this is this is too much this was going on too long and So I think all of that the the labor being very I would call it traumatic.
Caused me a great deal of anxiety. So by the time the baby came I believe, just knowing myself and my symptoms, I was already in a manic state as far as the bipolar goes. I was just almost delirious, just from being tired, and hungry, and laboring for that long and your body going through that much, it was just too much on my, my body and my mind.
So it was, after that, it was like a rollercoaster. I mean, the, the, with the mental health issues as well as I had physical health issues, it was a horrible rollercoaster. So I went from like heaven on earth with the pregnancy to just a very scary experience that I would never wish on anybody.
[00:16:38] Kiona: That is interesting and the reason why I’m saying that’s interesting is because you had just got done saying that you loved being pregnant because you felt stable and calmer. Maybe that’s why your body held your baby, cause your body was like, this is cool.
[00:16:57] Alexandria: right. I never thought of it that way. That’s that is interesting. I never even considered it, but yeah, she wasn’t ready to come out. She was very content. But, I mean, she was healthy. She was, seven pounds, five ounces. both my babies came out smiling, Big huge smiles. So they’re both very happy babies, and she didn’t cry.
I remember thinking something was wrong because, her heart rate had dropped. She didn’t cry when she came out. And I started crying like, what’s wrong with her? Why is she not crying? And my baby, my doctor said, oh, she’s chilling. She’s fine. she was just very calm when she came out. Yeah.
[00:17:38] Kiona: that’s nice. That is so nice. And it’s reassuring for your doctor to say, like, she’s all right. That’s cool. That’s okay. one question I do have is, throughout your pregnancy, did you take any medications for your bipolar disorder?
[00:17:51] Alexandria: I did. I can’t honestly remember exactly what I was taking at the time because it’s changed since then. But yes, I, I kept my regular medication regimen. I took an antipsychotic, an antidepressant, a mood state. I think maybe I stopped the mood stabilizer, but I really don’t remember. But I definitely took my medications.
Yes. And I think if anything, they may have lowered the doses of some things. but the antidepressants have proven to be pretty safe in pregnancy. It was the antipsychotic that they were worried about and the mood stabilizer.
[00:18:26] Kiona: Hmm.
[00:18:26] Alexandria: Um, That could have side effects. So I did have to see the high risk doctor because one I was 35 and also because I was taking the medications for bipolar.
So I did see a high risk doctor again. I don’t remember how often but on a on a regular basis. Yeah.
[00:18:46] Kiona: Yeah. That’s, that’s good. And I think that is interesting. Because, I’ve never experienced having to take any medications throughout pregnancy, so I was just very curious about how that changes or fluctuates throughout pregnancy.
[00:19:00] Alexandria: So I remember better with my second pregnancy that I remember definitely my doctor was like no lithium because the high risk gynecologist was recommending lithium because of the experience I had with my oldest daughter, which we didn’t really get into yet. But, My psychiatrist was like, no, there’s too many risks.
It’s, no lithium. So I remember we didn’t do a mood stabilizer with my second pregnancy, but we did. I think, again, I don’t remember all the things I was taking, but my regular regimen is the antidepressant, antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer to kind of keep it, keep the lows up and the highs down.
Yeah.
[00:19:40] Kiona: Yeah, yeah, no, to keep it balanced, you know.
[00:19:43] Alexandria: Right.
[00:19:44] Kiona: Yeah, that makes sense. so you hinted on it a little bit, so let’s go ahead and dive into your postpartum, but before we dive in, I also want to hear if there was anything that you did to prepare for your postpartum knowing that you had a bipolar disorder.
[00:20:00] Alexandria: the only thing you really, so there’s really no way to prepare ’cause you don’t know how your body’s gonna react. Everybody’s different. The only thing I knew, I shouldn’t say I knew, but I had prepared for, was postpartum depression. Like we knew the signs to look for the symptoms. if you feel.
Not just, you know, baby blues, but if you’re feel, you know, all these things we talked about with the psychiatrist, and the good thing was my psychiatrist at the time, was a woman, a black woman, which was important to me,but she specialized in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. So that’s kind of a range of, All the things that can happen during pregnancy and postpartum.
So, what I actually ended up experiencing was not postpartum depression, but postpartum psychosis, which I was not prepared for at all. So, some people may remember, if you have seen in the news, and I know I may be telling my age, but, back in the 80s or 90s, This woman like drove her kids off a bridge, and when she got arrested, she claimed that she was, not mentally stable.
They diagnosed her with postpartum psychosis. So that’s kind of what I had in my mind of postpartum psychosis is like you want to hurt your children, you’re not safe to be around anybody, but that was not my experience at all. Like I loved my baby.
I was very protective of her. I remember my doctor telling me just sleep when she sleeps, don’t try to do any laundry, don’t try to, but I could hear her cry from like anywhere in the house. We had a two story townhouse. I could hear her cry no matter where I was.
So I was just very, I felt very close to her and I felt very protective of her. So my husband would try to get like his sisters or my sister, my mom to come over so I could rest. But I couldn’t rest because I just, I wanted to be with her. I remember my aunts came from Atlanta. My mom has. three sisters and a sister in law and they all came from Atlanta to like cook and clean and, take care of the baby.
And I just wanted my baby. They made me go out of the house to get my nails done.
[00:22:16] Kiona: hm.
[00:22:17] Alexandria: And I was so upset. Like, I just wanted to be with my baby. So, it was nothing that, like the. story I share from the 90s or whatever. I had no desire to hurt my child. I had um, psychosis is when you are, I guess the difference I can explain it between mania and psychosis is with psychosis you are detached from reality.
So, mania you may have a heightened sense,you’re not able to sleep or you may be talking fast or eating more, but psychosis is a complete detachment from what’s real and what’s not. So I got to the point where my super supportive husband, I thought he was trying to kill me.
Like I thought, he’s trying to take the baby from me, my aunt, I remember screaming at my aunt that she had, taken. She had made my baby suck a pacifier and my baby had never sucked a pacifier it was just like your delusion. I don’t think delusion is probably not the best word, but Detached from reality.
That’s the best way to put it. I thought like everybody was out to get me. So, it was scary and it was, and the anxiety was really bad.
I was very anxious about, I mean, everything, everything had to be clean, super clean. The baby had to be super clean, the clothes had to be super clean, the house had to be super clean. It was just like a, an obsession, and so I remember the anxiety being really bad and, thinking that people were trying to harm me in a, in a way, and take the baby from me.
So I was very like protective of her.
[00:24:01] Kiona: and that’s, that’s,
[00:24:03] Alexandria: that’s the
[00:24:03] Kiona: paranoid. Okay.
[00:24:06] Alexandria: Uh
[00:24:07] Kiona: Yeah, so you were feeling very paranoid that your husband was going to hurt you and take your baby. Yeah. Or, yeah.
[00:24:16] Alexandria: the thing is, not that he was going to hurt me because he was protective of the baby because he didn’t understand what was going on. So if all you know of psychosis is this woman who killed her children, I, and I’m sorry if that, I’m sorry, but if that’s all you know, and then your wife.
[00:24:35] Kiona: If you told that your wife is, has postpartum psychosis. So I, he was trying, I felt as though he was trying to keep the baby from me. And I kept trying to explain to him I would never hurt her, like I would never do anything. But I think he just didn’t trust, not that he didn’t trust me, he didn’t trust the illness because we didn’t understand it, we had never experienced it before, Mm hmm. So, at what point in your postpartum time did you get diagnosed officially with postpartum psychosis?
[00:25:03] Alexandria: I don’t remember exactly, but it was very early on. I would say within the first few weeks. so I had to be Baker acted into a mental facility. I was there. Maybe a few days and then I began to have physical symptoms. I had a seizure Had to be rushed to the hospital My doctor my psychiatrist actually met me there and had me admitted not in the psych unit, but into the Labor and delivery because I was I had eclampsia So they treated me for the eclampsia with the magnesium drip. Like a,
[00:25:46] Kiona: The IV?
[00:25:48] Alexandria: IV magnesium drip that was, I had to do that for 24 hours. And then my husband says, and I do remember him coming to the hospital, and I was like, hey, how are you? he said, I just kind of came back to myself after I had the treatment with the magnesium.
So I don’t know if any of that. Had an effect on me mentally, the doctors of course officially don’t say that eclampsia caused me to have psychosis or anything like that, but It was interesting and scary yeah
[00:26:24] Kiona: so, was there a plan for what you were to do with that diagnosis once you returned home?
[00:26:32] Alexandria: eclampsia diagnosis
[00:26:35] Kiona: No, with the,
[00:26:37] Alexandria: postpartum psychosis I really honestly don’t remember. I’m thinking we were just supposed to look for signs. if, if I became super anxious again or losing sleep, those are my normal signs of mania. If I’m not able to sleep, if I, so really what happens is the anxiety leads to insomnia and the insomnia leads to a manic episode.
We had just never seen the psychosis side of it. So, we were looking for those normal symptoms to, Anxiety, insomnia, mania, things like that.
[00:27:12] Kiona: So when you were looking for those symptoms, was there anything in particular that you could remember doing to prevent it from getting to the next level?
[00:27:19] Alexandria: Everybody was just trying to make me sleep as much as possible, which was really hard, because I was so anxious about the baby, just wanting everything to be right, everything to be, I just, I, the anxiety was bad, I just, I felt like I had prepared everything a certain way. I wanted everything done a certain way Everybody used to tease me because I had this binder That had like her schedule with her diaper changes and people would come in rotations to help my mom my aunts my friends But I made everybody have that binder and write down her diaper changes write down when she was fed how much she was fed it was good to keep her on a schedule because it was, she became very predictable, but it was very annoying for other people to have to do it when they came in, but it did keep her very, um, she was on a, on a great schedule.
She,
[00:28:14] Kiona: yeah, that’s, yeah, that’s awesome. And I, I also, I see the pros and cons. With that much detail, you know, because that much detail definitely contributes even more to your anxiety because if you pay attention to like, Oh my gosh, nobody wrote down that she had a wet diaper. Like, when’s the last time she peed?
Or, Oh my gosh, nobody wrote down the last time that she got fed. And, what, how much was it? What was, how much does she weigh? it just goes on and on and on.
[00:28:41] Alexandria: It does.
[00:28:42] Kiona: I think the benefit of it is, yes, an amazing, predictable schedule for babe, but also just more anxiety on your end, and not even just the anxiety of just making sure that you were doing it well, but making sure that everybody else was also doing it well.
[00:28:59] Alexandria: and what I realize now, all these years later, like I don’t track anything. Like I stopped wearing my Fitbit, my Apple Watch, like I stopped tracking my steps because it becomes, like, for me, it becomes like this obsessive thing. oh, I got. 200 more steps, you know before I get to 10 000.
Let me run around the house, you know before I go to bed You know, so it becomes super obsessive and I it’s just like It took me years to realize that, like, I can’t do Weight Watchers, I can’t, like, the points, I just, the tracking will send me over the edge with the anxiety. Because I’m a perfectionist, so I want to do it just right, and it gets to be too much.
But I wish I had known that then, you know, but.
[00:29:47] Kiona: And it sounds like, it’s just a mental overstimulation, and it’s not even just it being physical because even now when I wear my Apple watch, I’m like, Oh, how many, how many hours did I stand today? I’m not super worried about my steps cause I know I ain’t getting enough steps, but, um
i, I see. I can definitely see how it becomes overstimulating, and so I think that it was definitely a smart idea to kind of just remove that, completely remove it and take it out of your entire scenario so you don’t have to focus on it, and then you realize once it’s gone, you’re alright.
[00:30:19] Alexandria: It took me years to stop weighing myself every day. my doctors kept saying, stop, just stop. just don’t weigh yourself. of course they wouldn’t say it like that, but They’d be like, how would you feel if you didn’t do it every day? Maybe once a week, or once a month.
I’m like, of course not. But now I very rarely get on the scale. because I just It causes too much anxiety.
[00:30:42] Kiona: Yeah, and that takes some willpower, too, you know, to just, like, not do it. And that’s good. It’s good that you’re, you’re noticing and learning your boundaries. And it takes time. I think that’s one thing that’s really important to emphasize here is that having these realizations in itself takes time and adjusting to the change to make it comfortable takes time.
[00:31:03] Alexandria: Yep,
[00:31:04] Kiona: So, yeah, it definitely takes time. so, Yeah. let’s go ahead and dive into when you decided to get pregnant with Mia, whether she was unintentional, intentional, if she was also a surprise. Let’s dive into that.
[00:31:21] Alexandria: So, Mia, funny story, not a funny story, but interesting story. we were actually trying for Mia. in our minds, because we were older, we were going to start trying immediately after we had Ali Grace. but because of the postpartum issues I had, we were completely terrified to try again. So, we waited and waited and waited, and then finally Huh, I may have been 38 or 39 by the time I was ready to try again.
it was very traumatic from the beginning. I had a hard time. I couldn’t get the IUD out. The doctor couldn’t find the IUD. So I had to have a procedure to get the IUD removed. so that was the beginning of a long road. got the IUD out. I remember it being in June. By August I was pregnant. But then I had a miscarriage.
So I don’t remember what year exactly. I remember I was still teaching. And that was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. Where my husband was like, Look, you gotta, you gotta give yourself a break here. So, we decided after, Because I had the miscarriage right Probably right around the first day of school, like maybe two days before the first day of school and I still tried to go to work.
So I just, as a teacher that had years of experience, I could not imagine not being there for the first day of school. I just thought that would, I didn’t think from experience, I knew that throws your whole year off when you don’t start the year with your students. So I was really pushing myself to be as normal as I could and get through my normal everyday routines.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was so hard. so I decided to resign, probably about two weeks into the school year, which was also very hard because, you think about what people are going to say, you know, what people are going to think. And I actually didn’t resign. I took a leave of absence.
I took short term disability, so. because not only did I have a miscarriage, but I had , debilitating depression from the miscarriage. It was just the worst, probably the worst bout of depression I’d ever had, where I would just, literally I was in the bed all day. I would get up to eat, cause I just don’t believe in eating in the bed, but I would get up to eat and I would go directly back to sleep and I slept all day long so we continue trying for Mia, but it was It’s probably took a year another year before we got pregnant and by the time we got pregnant I had pretty much given up because I may have been 40. Yeah I was 40. So I was just thinking, I really thought I was going through menopause, because I wasn’t having a regular cycle.
All the whole time I had my IUD, I had a regular cycle, which is not most people’s experience. Most people who have IUDs don’t have a cycle at all. I had a normal full cycle the entire time I had an IUD, and then when I got it out, I barely had a cycle at all, so I thought I was going through menopause, early menopause.
And my doctor tried to reassure me I was not going through menopause, But I had, we had a very hard time getting pregnant. And again, I was obsessed. So every, like, few weeks I was buying pregnancy tests and crying my eyes out when they were negative. And I just didn’t know what was wrong. You know, we prayed and we cried, we cried and we prayed.
It was just And I was still very much depressed from the miscarriage. So anyway, long story short, by the time I did get pregnant, it was not the blissful pregnancy that I had with my first daughter because I was still depressed. And I didn’t, you know, you don’t expect that you think you’re depressed because you had a miscarriage.
Of course, if you get pregnant, you’re going to feel better, but I did not feel better at all. And I spent my entire pregnancy in the bed. and I was huge. Like I got so big because I was not exercising. I was eating everything, anything I could get my hands on. I was just depressed. And, it was a very, the opposite of my pregnancy from, um, Alia Grace. I didn’t feel as connected to Mia when I was pregnant with her.
I remember my husband would say, did you talk to her today? Did you say anything to the baby today? cause I mean with Alia, I would go to the library and get books and read. I mean, while I was pregnant with her, but with Mia, I just didn’t feel connected to her at all. So,
It was tough, and it’s hard to talk about because you feel like people might judge you, that you got what you wanted, and you still weren’t happy about it, but that’s the thing is that depression is like It’s not oh, I’m sad, and if I get, and if my circumstances change, then I’ll be happy again.
It’s like, you know, what I was talking about, that chemical imbalance that you have no control over, So, as much as I wanted to be happy, to be pregnant, and I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy, and I wanted to exercise and read and do all the things, I just didn’t have it in me at all.
Not at all. But when she came she was The most, the most beautiful baby. Oh my gosh.
[00:36:57] Kiona: That’s beautiful.
[00:36:58] Alexandria: Yeah, and she was, she was big too. She was almost 10 pounds. And, I just, I just loved her immediately. She was just gorgeous. And just these big fat cheeks and, this round baby and she was just. And she was just a happy baby, just like Alia Grace, you know, came out smiling and, she did cry when she came out, but she was just such a little bundle, like literally a bundle of joy.
She was just the best baby and she slept a lot when she came. I guess because we spent so much time sleeping when I was pregnant, like she was. She was an easy baby because she just slept and ate and that’s all she did so she was not like a, you didn’t have to worry about her crying or, screaming or having any issues.
She had a little reflux, and so she would spit up a lot, but other than that, she was a really, really sweet and easy going baby.
[00:38:04] Kiona: Mmm, that’s beautiful. Especially after such an intense pregnancy, it’s good to feel and see that your baby is juicy, loving, and cute, there’s a reward, a nice reward. Yeah. going back to your pregnancy a little bit, knowing that you were depressed throughout your pregnancy, did you do any extra planning for your postpartum time?
[00:38:26] Alexandria: So we I don’t remember as far as a depression, but we definitely were planning for the psychosis because the Statistics show that if you experience psychosis in one pregnancy, you’re more likely to have it in pregnancies to follow. So we were definitely prepared for that. we got a plan in place, like a medication plan.
Again, my doctor didn’t want me on the mood stabilizer while I was pregnant, but we planned to start it immediately after. so like we had the prescriptions, he wrote them out, we had them in the hospital. I took my own medicine to the hospital because that was a whole deal with Alia Grace.
They couldn’t, it was, it’s like a disconnect between the labor and delivery and the psychiatric department trying to get the medicine there, get it to you on time, get it to you with food. It was all just combobulated. So we learned our lesson from that. So I took my own medicine. They were not, the hospital’s never happy when you bring your own medicine, but I just.
We couldn’t trust that we would get what we needed on time. So we had a plan in place for the psychosis, which was necessary because I did have postpartum psychosis again. But it was a completely different experience. Like I, because I knew what it felt like. I knew when it was happening. I knew. Exactly when it was time to go to the hospital, I knew what to tell the doctors We were also looking out for the eclampsia because I was very swollen Although I didn’t have a clamps here.
I didn’t have any blood pressure issues at all I was still the swelling the swelling is what actually prompted my husband to take me to the hospital He was like, let’s just go because this is you know, how it started before and we know How this can go. So let’s just go because I didn’t feel anxious or depressed or manic or anything.
But I was swollen really bad. so. Got to the hospital, we decided to go to a smaller campus of our main campus hospital thinking that I would get treated sooner and that ended up being a bad move because they just don’t have everything there that the main campus has in order to treat the psychiatric issues as well as the physical issues.
So, the plan after the pregnancy was for me to go on lithium. Immediately. They didn’t have lithium in the hospital and I didn’t bring mine with me when I went back in. So, that was an ordeal. and then I ended up having perinatal cardiomyopathy or something like that. which was a congenital heart issue. And which was that’s what was causing the swelling that time. It wasn’t eclampsia. It was the heart issue. So Instead of me being admitted to the psychiatric hospital this time. I had to go into the heart hospital and What happened was because I was at that smaller hospital I could feel Kind of like I needed my medicine.
I could just feel Myself like about to break if that makes any sense about to have a mental break. So I ended up checking myself out because they didn’t have what I needed I was gonna have to wait hours for an ambulance to transport me to the hospital I checked myself out so I could go home and take my medicine. And I went in to see my doctor the next day and she was very upset because apparently with the heart issue. That’s not what you’re supposed to do.
You’re supposed to stay in the hospital and wait for the the ambulance, but I just couldn’t take any chances with the psychosis, kind of taking over and becoming. More prominent issue than what I was experiencing at the time. So anyway, she was able to get me back in to the main campus and I had the heart issue treated they ran all the tests and so perinatal means it happens when you’re pregnant and apparently Because it was a perinatal heart issue, your body, like, heals itself once you have the baby.
So, once they ran the test and all of that, the, whatever the heart issue was, was not there anymore. but I did, did have to go into the psychiatric hospital just to get everything recalibrated with the medication. So, the psychosis did occur, but not in any way, as severe as it was the first time.
[00:43:12] Kiona: Hmm. So it sounds like you guys kind of caught it before it got too, too big, because you knew what to look for. Mm hmm. Yeah, I think that’s really good that you did that extra preparation. One, because you had a really strong feeling that it was going to happen again due to the statistics of it, of the possibility of it
happening. But I also feel like Maybe you being so depressed throughout your pregnancy was also a little bit of a trigger to be like yeah, we definitely gotta make sure that we have our postpartum plan in check. so you had said that you didn’t experience any postpartum anxiety this time. Did you have a binder for Mia?
No, so I did not, at first. And then, but we still have the people rotating in like the grandparents, the aunts, the friends and it was so chaotic I was like, you know what I don’t care what anybody says, I’m gonna print this binder out. Mm hmm.
[00:44:06] Alexandria: Just because, it was was so many hands in the pot, it made it difficult to keep her on any kind of schedule because you didn’t know who fed her when or who did what.
You just didn’t know. We had no idea. So I wasn’t as like strict with the binder, but I did eventually print one out because it was it was driving me crazy that I just had no idea what was going on. Because some people you know, like my mother in law doesn’t have a great memory So she would be like I fed her but, I don’t know what time it was, you know So it was just hard to keep up with it.
So we we did eventually get a binder
[00:44:45] Kiona: Good, good, good. that makes sense. It sounds like it was almost necessary at that so, I think that’s great. during your second postpartum experience, did you have to be Baker Acted at that time?
[00:44:56] Alexandria: No, I didn’t there were times that I had to be Baker Acted because that was my very first time being Baker Acted with Alia Grace. I have been Baker Acted several times after that, but it wasn’t during my postpartum experience. I will say, I feel like once I started having children, my psychiatric episodes seemed to come more frequently.
And be more intense. So that’s why I was Baker Acted several more times after that. I remember one time my gynecologist Baker Acted me. it was just different occasions. different things happened. But it felt like I was on a rollercoaster. And like a rollercoaster that you really want to get off of.
But you just, it just won’t stop, it was just awful. Just the episodes were coming so fast. and I would be like in and out of the hospital. Maybe once a month. if not more. It got to the point where the nurses, the doctors, we all knew each other. oh, here’s Alex, you know.
Here she comes again. You know, um, I knew the nurses schedules. I knew who was on the night shift, who was on the day shift. it, it was, It got very intense. So, it caused us to really put in some work to get to a level of stability that was, that we could maintain because it was, we were not able to sustain any stability, after having Ali Grace, it was just very difficult.
[00:46:30] Kiona: Yeah, it sounds like you were kind of just in survival mode for a very long time
[00:46:34] Alexandria: That’s exactly what it was. That’s exactly what it was. And that’s what I talk about, when I started my organization, Mom, Wife, Worship Life. I talk about going from surviving to thriving. Because that’s exactly what I had to figure out how to do for myself, was to go from that, okay, Going in the hospital again, my, my oldest daughter, she’s very perceptive, so it was always very hard on her, seeing me in and out of the hospital, you know, I was missing things with her, with her dancing and school and, her whole kindergarten year, my mom took her to school and my dad picked her up, I wasn’t even stable to drive, it was, The whole year, like I’m, I feel like I missed kindergarten, you know, so, we really worked very hard to come up with strategies, a collaborative care plan, all those things that could help us maintain stability for longer periods of time, and I’m very, very happy to say that I haven’t been hospitalizing over a year now, and that’s a long time for me, so, it took a lot to get here, but I do feel like I’m not in survival mode anymore.
[00:47:49] Kiona: Hmm. Well, congratulations for that milestone, because that’s big.
[00:47:52] Alexandria: Thank you, yeah.
[00:47:53] Kiona: Yeah, absolutely. I am realizing now that we’ve said Baker Acted a couple of times, and we haven’t really defined it for our listeners.
[00:48:01] Alexandria: So, a Baker Act is an involuntary, hold where, You are a danger to yourself or others. So, either law enforcement or a health professional decides that it’s best for you to be held under, observation at a mental health facility for 72 hours. if after those 72 hours it’s determined that you are no longer a, danger to yourself or to others, then you can be released.
You can, you can request to be released. but if the medical professionals feel that you need to be, treated for a longer period of time, then it’s a whole kind of court process you have to go through to be able to be released. But it’s usually it never goes to that extent. You’re either released or you then voluntarily stay, for a longer period of time to get the treatment that you need.
For me, My hospital stays were at minimum 14 days, which is a long time. and it was like every single hospital stay was at least 14 days. So even I would say, even though I haven’t been hospitalized in the last year, the last time I went, I was only there for two days. So that’s like. Woo, you know, like, like I,
[00:49:14] Kiona: Yeah, thats an accomplishment itself
[00:49:16] Alexandria: yeah, I went in, I had my emergency med plan, so it wasn’t like the doctors were having to figure out what meds were going to work, like I could go in and say, this is what I take, this is what works for this, this is what works for that.
And really, I just needed to get some sleep. I was just exhausted and my children wouldn’t give me a break and I just needed to rest. So, you get your meds, you get your food, get to rest a couple days and then I was out of there. So that was like a really big deal that, cause there have been times where I’ve been in the hospital for 14 days and literally just not sleeping for 14 days cause they couldn’t find any medication to work.
I mean, they would give me, injections and meds, oral medication and nothing would work. I would just be so like wired, I just Wouldn’t sleep for all that time and there have been times when my husband was like just let her out we’ll deal with it when we get home because she’s not getting any better here, you know So we’ve come a very very long way
[00:50:18] Kiona: Yeah. Well, thank you for explaining that because that really does put it into perspective for listeners as well as myself, who are, I was just kind of going along with your story and I was like, you were a baker actor. You’re a baker actor. And I’m like, now I know.
[00:50:30] Alexandria: Yeah, I’m sorry. I, this, all this terminology, that’s why when I talk about being manic or depressed, I do try to explain it because I know a lot of people don’t, you know, who, if you don’t have anyone who’s bipolar in your family, you really don’t know these terms or if you’ve never dealt with a mental hospital or you have no idea.
So I apologize for not explaining that earlier. But yeah.
[00:50:51] Kiona: Oh, no, it is okay, because I remember you mentioning it the first time we met, and I was like, okay, and I was like, I’m going to look that up. And then I just realized that, like, I didn’t. So, well, so thank you for sharing that. That’s very informative. and it gives us a little bit more, as listeners, a perspective of what it actually means to be Baker Acted.
[00:51:11] Alexandria: So, it’s, it’s, to put it simply, it’s the difference between voluntarily admitting yourself to the hospital and having to be involuntarily admitted by,like I said, by a health professional or by law enforcement.
[00:51:23] Kiona: Yeah. Yeah, okay. So now, Mia is 2 and Ali Grace is 7. And so how do you feel like you are now? I know that you had said that you’re in a lot of a better place. You’re in a much better place. How does it feel, like, are you still taking all your medications? Like, tell us how its
[00:51:43] Alexandria: I absolutely take my medications. I, I have stopped taking an antidepressant because what we realize is as a person who’s bipolar, if I could explain it kind of like a spectrum, so you go from depressed to manic, so from low to high, I tend to lean on the high side. And so taking an antidepressant, will push me closer to the high side and we don’t want that.
So I don’t take an antidepressant unless I start feeling symptoms of depression. Then I’ll take it temporarily until I balance out and then I stop. So right now I take an antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer and I am regularly take my meds. I also see my psychiatrist every four to six weeks depending on Usually I like to see him every four weeks just to be, just to make sure everything’s okay.
But he takes care of the medication management. I see my psychologist who is like a therapist every two weeks. and we do cognitive behavioral therapy. Sometimes we just check in, you know, Hey, how’s everything going? Anything we need to talk about that, you know, anything you want to tell me that. Not feeling good.
How’s the relationship? How are the kids? how’s, how are you balancing everything with the new business? and then I, so that’s my psychiatrist, my psychologist, we have a marriage counselor who we also see every two weeks. So like the week I don’t see the psychologist, we see the marriage counselor and that’s again checking in.
we’re not, Having any marital I shouldn’t say we’re not having any marital issues, but we’re not like on the brink of divorce You know, we regularly do counseling just to have that as a resource So that if issues arise, they don’t like bubble up and bubble over, you know We have that to kind of keep us all, together. And then I recently also started working with the productivity coach, which has been amazing. she’s a productivity coach, especially for moms, who are, she calls it, she says for busy and, busy is not the word she uses, but ambitious moms. But because I just started a business,I work with her to kind of help me, not just with the business side, but to help me maintain what’s most important to me, which is my family, being there for my children and making sure that my family is intact.
So she kind of helps me keep all those things, in balance. she helps me with like boundary setting and, Stress management ideas for self care, and I meet with her every week. So it’s like a Continuous checking in, did you do this for yourself this week? Well, let’s clear your calendar If you’re feeling stressed out, let’s just clear the calendar for the week and let’s Reschedule all that stuff, so she really is like my person who I can, go to and say I’m not feeling this, what can we do about it and she, she really helps me out a lot.
So that’s what I call my collaborative care team, my psychiatrist, my psychologist, my marriage counselor, and my productivity coach. That’s the medical side of it. Yeah, so that that helps a lot.
[00:55:01] Kiona: I think that all of that actually sounds really awesome because it just shows that you have your collaborative care team to help you stay balanced and maintain that stability, you know, and when you were mentioning marriage counselor, you said, um, you know, it’s not like you didn’t have any marital issues and then you changed it to like, we’re just not on the brink of divorce, you know, and I think it’s, it’s totally fine and okay to be 100 percent honest and be like, yeah, man, we all got a little
[00:55:33] Alexandria: Everybody has yeah,that’s what I didn’t want to say. We don’t have marital issues because you do have marital issues. Like marriage is an issue. There’s always something, and having that kind of like a mediator who can you know, because a lot of times I find myself if I get angry about something I’m like, oh we have marriage counseling next week.
I’ll just you know, it makes me hold off on like Jumping off and you know saying something I might regret and it gives me time to process my thoughts And then we come together with the counselor and I can say, okay, this is what I’m feeling when this happened You know, and it’s all it really is good for us that we have it every two weeks Like I’ll tell you a funny story.
We were traveling last week. We went to the Bahamas and We had marriage counseling on Monday. We were gonna be In the middle of our trip back. So we were in Miami. we flew from the Bahamas to Miami and then we were going to catch the flight from Miami to Jacksonville, but we had a long layover in Miami.
And I was like, okay, let’s go. We go to the, Admiral’s. Club, I was like, they have conference rooms, let’s get a conference room and let’s get our little laptop. And we’re going to meet with our marriage counselor, you know? And he even said, he was like, I commend you all for that. It shows you’re committed to your relationship and that you, are willing to do the work to make it work, because I just didn’t want to miss the appointment because then we have to wait, it’s like waiting a month instead of waiting two weeks and that every two weeks that consistency really helped.
[00:57:07] Kiona: Yeah, yeah, that is commitment and I also commend you for that because that takes effort, And yeah, once you, it’s kind of like when you go and have your visits, like for example, I go to the chiropractor and If I miss my chiropractic appointment, that’s usually about two or three weeks. If I’m out a month, I am in pain.
There’s things that I just can’t think of. I can’t comprehend. I’m more irritable. And I’m sure that is the same when you are psychologically and verbally needing to get all of this off your chest. So, yeah, that’s great. And awesome that there were some conference rooms
[00:57:43] Alexandria: Yeah.
[00:57:44] Kiona: could go into, too.
Yeah. Um, and I realized that we missed one important detail about Mia’s birth, which is, was her birth also a cesarean?
[00:57:55] Alexandria: was a cesarean. Yes, it was a scheduled cesarean, which they kept telling me. It’s going to be so much different. it’s going to be so easy. You just check in. You just, you go straight to the operating room. There’s no issues, but Closer to the end of my pregnancy. I started having a lot of pain because she was really big I was really big and she was sitting on something.
I don’t know what but my husband probably took me to the emergency room twice in the last Two or three weeks because I was like, please take her out, but again, they were like no we’re gonna wait till your schedule due date. So the part the cesarean itself was very smooth but I was in so much pain.
I just wanted it to be over, I just, I just remember my husband would be like, don’t look like that. I’m just like, get this baby out of me.
[00:58:48] Kiona: Mm hmm. I mean, you could say, you wanna tap in?
[00:58:51] Alexandria: Right.
[00:58:51] Kiona: wanna take a, take this on? Yeah. Pregnancy is Both. Beautiful and completely exhausting at the same
[00:59:01] Alexandria: Absolutely. Yes, it is.
But the, the scheduled cesarean was, was much Much of a, a much different experience, I’m sure, as you can imagine, than laboring for over 20, 20 hours, you
know, so, um,
[00:59:17] Kiona: Did you get to pick a special day to your liking?
[00:59:21] Alexandria: No, it was just her due date. We just did it on our due date. I didn’t get to pick the day.. I really think in real life I was due, my, my real due date was a week earlier, but nobody would take my word for it.
[00:59:33] Kiona: Mm. Mm hmm. So you could have been 41
[00:59:37] Alexandria: I believe I was, honestly. I do believe I was.
[00:59:40] Kiona: How many weeks gestation were you when you got induced with Alia Grace?
[00:59:45] Alexandria: Well, not quite 41 weeks, because she was doing the 18th and I had her on the 22nd. So,
um, yeah. And I had her So I got her just on the 21st, because I had her early, actually, she was born on 12 22. And I had her at 12 22 AM. Isn’t that funny? Yeah.
[01:00:04] Kiona: that is funny.
[01:00:04] Alexandria: Yeah. Yeah.
[01:00:07] Kiona: Well, Alex, it was so great talking to you on this podcast. I really am wanting to just commend you on all of the amazing things that you did for yourself throughout this process because it is a learning process. It’s a process of learning, and you learned from it through your hard times, you found what worked for you, and now you’re here, and you’re thriving, and I’m happy to hear about that.
[01:00:31] Alexandria: Thank you so much. Yeah, it’s it makes me happy to just be able to enjoy life and enjoy my children, enjoy my marriage and, you know, every, you know, I was thinking today I was at church and anytime we have praise and worship, I’m always like bawling, crying. I’m like, am I the only one who praises the Lord like this?
Like it’s funny. It’s funny. Like, I’m just so overwhelmed with joy because I know where I’ve come from and how hard we worked and how long it took to get here. So it’s, it’s definitely a very rewarding feeling to just be in a place of balance and peace.
[01:01:14] Kiona: I love that. I love that. And I think that that’s a perfect segue to me asking you the three final questions to round off the interview. so the first question is, what is one piece of advice that you would give all pregnant people as they prepare for labor, birth, and postpartum? And you can even make it specific to pregnant people with bipolar disorder if you’d like.
[01:01:33] Alexandria: I would, I would like to make it more specific to pregnant people who may be dealing with a mental illness, and I would say, learn about your specific illness and the symptoms to look for during pregnancy and postpartum so that you can be as prepared as possible. It’s difficult to, prepare exactly the right way.
There is no exact right way to do it, but to learn as much as you can about your illness, as well as the symptoms that go along with your illness and being pregnant.
[01:02:07] Kiona: I think that’s great advice. That’s absolutely great advice. It’s the only way to really kind of prepare for what’s to come.
My next question is, what is one resource that I could share with my listeners on your behalf?
[01:02:21] Alexandria: So one really great resource that we just got up and running is called Self care powerhouse quiz, and it’s available on my website. it’s available if you are on Instagram, it’s in my link in bio. but it’s a really, really neat quiz that you can take that kind of gives you an idea of where you are with your self care, with your stress management, with your delegation skills, and it gives you this really nice.
circle chart that’s color coded. So if like you are in desperate need of some attention, it’s going to be red. If you’re doing great, it’s going to be green. If you’re right in the middle, it’s going to be orange. And then it gives you, it’ll email you some details, like exact strategies you can use to help you in those areas where you may be struggling.
So I’m really proud of it. It came together really nicely. And, The website is momwifeworshiplife. com so you can find it there
[01:03:25] Kiona: Yeah, I love that. I will definitely also put that link down in the description below because it sounds like an amazing resource to, to have. I might take that quiz. And Alex, my final question for you is, if you could describe each of your births with one word, what would those words be?
[01:03:42] Alexandria: So can I combine the births and
[01:03:45] Kiona: Sure.
[01:03:46] Alexandria: Okay so beautiful Amazing And I’m looking for a word for it taught me a lot. I don’t know what that word would be, but, I don’t want to say educational, but it just, it helped me grow and become the person that I am today. Both of them did in different ways. So they were both beautiful, both amazing in their own way, and they both helped get me to the point that I am at today.
[01:04:16] Kiona: Hmm. So maybe that word would be like inspirational?
[01:04:20] Alexandria: Empowering. I like that word. Yeah.
Empowering.
[01:04:24] Kiona: Okay. Awesome. Yeah. I love those words. And I think that that’s amazing that all of those words are also positive because even though you had some hard times and traumatic experiences during your first and as well as during your postpartum time and throughout your pregnancy with your second.
You’re pulling out the silver lining. You’re looking at how it has positively impacted your life, and I love that. I think that’s great.
[01:04:48] Alexandria: And I think that’s what helps us get through those difficult traumatic times is finding I call it the greatness in gratitude. So finding what there is to be grateful for, even in those difficult times. And it’s just that gratitude, that’s what makes me cry at church, you know? It’s just,
[01:05:08] Kiona: hmm.
[01:05:09] Alexandria: just, we’re imagining what could have been, but what actually is, and being so grateful for it, you know?
[01:05:19] Kiona: Yeah. Absolutely. Well, Alexandria, thank you so, so much. I’m super excited that I got to hear your stories on this platform and that I get to share it with the world. Thank you!
[01:05:29] Alexandria: Thank you so much for having me. It’s such a pleasure being on. Thank you so much.
[01:05:34] Kiona: Absolutely.
[01:05:44] Kiona: Interviewing Alexandria for this episode was incredible. And I learned so much. Especially when it came to the ins and outs of her having to navigate her medications for her mental illness throughout her pregnancy and postpartum, as well as how she had to prepare for her postpartum times a little bit differently. Alexandria. Thank you so much for sharing your stories with us on the podcast. You are incredibly strong and I look forward to staying connected and watching you continue to thrive.
For you as the listener, I hope you listened to this episode with the intention of sharing. Did you find an area in the episode that pulled on your heartstrings? If you did go ahead and share it with a friend. And don’t forget to become part of the BAWKI community. Follow me on Instagram @birthasweknowitpodcast.
For next week’s episode, I interview Martha Snyder, owner of Brave Steps Doula Services. She shares three different personal birth stories with us. One of which takes place in Japan. She goes into how the language barrier impacted her overall care, especially during the immediate postpartum time. She then goes on to share her other two birth experiences that happened in the U. S. So tune in next week to hear all the juicy details on that. All right, bye. For now.
Do you have a birth story or experience you would like to share on the podcast?
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