5-Blaine Bennet-4 Vaginal Births-PNW Apothecary

March 29, 2023Posted inBirth Center Birth, Home Birth, Unassisted/Free Birth, Vaginal Birth
5-Blaine Bennet-4 Vaginal Births-PNW Apothecary

Description:

In this episode, Blaine talks about her experiences with hospital birth, unassisted/free birth, and home birth. We dive into how being a family of color impacted how she was treated while giving birth in a hospital setting and discuss how ticky delivering a placenta can sometimes be. 

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only with no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. I, Kiona Nessenbaum, am not a licensed medical professional. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experience of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider. 

The resources I mention in this episode are listed below:

Definitions: 

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Transcription of Episode 5:

KIONA: Hello and welcome to Birth as we know it. I am your podcast host, Kiona Nessenbaum. I have experienced birth as a doula, a student midwife, and as a mother of three amazing children with my husband and high school sweetheart by my side. After attending over 130 births, including my own, I’ve realized that each birth experience is truly unique. So make sure you subscribe and join me every week as we are guided through many different birth experiences through the lens of the storyteller. Please be aware that some of the stories can be triggering to hear, so feel free to pause, take a breath, and come back and listen whenever you’re ready. With that said, let’s prep ourselves to dive deep and get detailed about what really happens in the birth space. 

As a reminder, this podcast is intended for educational purposes only and has no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experiences of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider. 

KIONA: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Birth as We Know It podcast. Today in this episode, we will be interviewing Blaine Bennett. And Blaine is an amazing human being. She is a parent of five beautiful children as well as an herbalist, student Midwife, doula, all the things. And she is also the owner of PNW Apothecary. I will go ahead and put her link in the show notes for this. But welcome, Blaine. Thank you for coming to the podcast. 

 BLAINE: Thank you. 

 KIONA: Yeah. So we’ll start off by talking a little bit about yourself. So tell us about yourself. Who’s in your family? 

BLAINE: Awesome. So. Yes, I’m Blaine. I have five kids. Their dad and I, we’ve been together for 13 years. Oh, my gosh, that’s so crazy to think about. We have a 15-year-old, an eleven-year-old, a four-year-old, a three-year-old, and an eight-month-old baby. So I kind of got into birth work with my oldest daughter. I had her in a hospital and the experience wasn’t super great, so I decided, oh, maybe I should find another way to do this next time. So that kind of got me into birth work and into midwifery school. And the midwifery to crunchy mom pipeline is kind of a slippery slope. So then I was like, oh, now I’m in midwifery school. I can start making birth herbs and things for my clients. Like, I got really into herbs after taking two years of herbology in school, so I decided to kind of make a business out of it so that way I didn’t have to work while I was in midwifery school and I could stay home, home school my kids and kind of work from home.

KIONA: That’s awesome. And so are you still homeschooling your babes?

BLAINE: Oh, yeah. Yes. 

KIONA: Nice. 

BLAINE: Yes. Everybody comes downstairs to the classroom. Yes, everyone comes downstairs, even the baby, and does school together every day. Yeah, it’s awesome. Everybody is kind of at different levels, so we have to make it work. But I love it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

KIONA: That is awesome. That is awesome. A true inspiration, I’m sure, for a lot of our listeners as well as myself. I know that when we first met, I was like, oh, you’re doing homeschooling. Oh, my God. Maybe I can do that. I don’t think I have the sanity for that, though. 

BLAINE: Yeah. I have to admit I’m kind of crazy. Like, I can’t remember anything that doesn’t have to do with my kids. I’m very surprised. If I hadn’t put this in my phone, I probably would have forgotten. If it’s not about my kids or school, I can’t even think about it. Honestly, it’s crazy. I would say I’m crazy. My mom and my sister are like, will text me and call me 100 times. Did you see that? I text you guys, we’re doing school right now. I can’t so I kind of had to shift my mindset. Like, this is what’s important. My kids are only young once. They’re only going to have this time to learn once. And we’re going to do it. We have to do it right. So I can’t really be distracted by other things. We have to do it right, especially with how everything’s going. I’m just like I already have anxiety about I’m sure everybody has a little bit of anxiety about something about being away from my kids. And when I was in midwifery school, it got really bad, like, being away from them for days. At births, I would, like, get home and just be like, oh, my God, I missed them so much being away. And so I was like, maybe after I had the last baby, I was like, maybe I should put school on hold for a while because I’m in my last year. It’s going to start getting busy. I’m going to start being the primary midwife. So I’m going to be gone a lot. And I’m like, it’s not fair to my kids right now while I’m doing school with them, their school hours would be off. I might be gone for a day or two. So I just decided to put school on hold until everybody’s a little bit older, especially the baby’s a few years old, and kind of put time into their schooling now while they’re young. And then I can finish my last year in midwifery school when the baby is a little bit older. So now I’m like, I had to shift my mindset. Like, I really want to be a midwife. Of course, I do. I want to finish my last year of school, but I also want to spend time with my kids and learn with them and stuff. And so I decided to kind of shift over to that. So now my main focus is homeschooling, the kids, and my business. 

KIONA: Yeah, no, that makes total sense because that was one of the things that I had to think about as well when I withdrew from midwifery school. Because when COVID hit, it was impossible to balance, like, life and clinic and birth and school. And so I was definitely like, birth will always be there. 

BLAINE: Exactly. 

KIONA: And if, whenever I decide to go back, I will. And I’ll still be just as passionate, if not more passionate about it after watching my kids grow more exactly. Other people have babies around me. So, yeah, I’m excited to one day be back in that space, but right now it’s just not realistic. 

BLAINE: No. Yes, exactly. I know exactly what exactly how you feel. I was the same. I was so sad when I talked to them. I was like crying when I was trying to tell them I wasn’t going to be able to come back for the next semester after I had the baby. They’re like, we will always be here, don’t worry about it. Just do what you have to do with your kids. And they made me so feel so good about it. So I was like, you know what? They’ll always be there. My kids aren’t always going to be small. And I talked to another woman who was older in my cohort in midwifery school, and she said, I wanted to be a midwife my entire life. And I didn’t start midwifery school until I was 45 because I waited until all of my kids were grown and out of school. And then I started my dream of becoming a midwife. And that I have all this free time, now that my kids are gone, I fill it up with midwifery school. I’m like, oh, yeah, what am I going to do when my kids are grown and they’re gone? So I’m like, oh, I can do that when everybody’s bigger, it’ll always be there. People are always going to have babies, so it’s not like something I can’t come back to later. And I’m not like I’ve completely stopped attending births. I’ve attended family members, births to support things like that, and past clients who really said, I do not want to have a baby without you as my doula. I’m like, I can come to your birth, I can’t do a lot of prenatal stuff, we can talk on the phone. And it’s totally worked out. So I was able to be there for past clients who turned into friends for their births, while also not like, sacrificing a ton of time. So it’s been a balance. Yeah. 

KIONA: That is so beautiful. So, I mean, I guess that answers the question of if you’ve attended births prior to your own, were you a dual birth worker before you had Maddie? 

BLAINE: No, I was not at all. I was actually in my second year of early childhood education to be a teacher. 

KIONA: Okay. Yeah. still with kids. 

BLAINE: I know. Yeah, I want exactly. That kind of goes into my homeschooling. I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, and in high school, I got really into sign language. My mom, as a child, she worked at a company that found jobs for disabled adults, so in that, she had to learn sign language because she worked with a lot of deaf and nonverbal people. So we knew sign language, like basic sign language as kids, and then kind of what you call, like, baby sign language. We were taught, like, our siblings and stuff when we were younger, and then as we got older, we’d be able to communicate with my mom’s clients. And then in high school, they offered ASL. So it’s my foreign language. It’s like, oh, I’ll do that because I already know ASL So I was, like, a geek. I was, like, the president of the ASL Club. I started the ASL club. I was super into it. I absolutely loved my ASL teacher. She was super inspiring. And I actually followed her path, that same path that she followed to become an ASL teacher, high school teacher. And that’s what I wanted to do. So after I got pregnant with Maddie, my second year of that and did not like my birth experience in the hospital, it was super traumatic. And James and I talked about it, and we knew we wanted to have more kids, but we both never wanted to do that again. 

KIONA: Yeah, so let’s dive into that. 

BLAINE: Yeah. So I was 18 at the time, I think. No, I had just turned 19 when I found out I was pregnant with her. And was super young, and didn’t know very much. My mom had had my brother in a birth center with a midwife that also attended home births. But we were in an apartment when I was younger, and my mom wasn’t able to have the baby there. So she decided we’ll go to a birth center with a midwife. It was amazing. I loved the whole experience. When I got pregnant with Maddie, I was like, oh, I’ll do that. Called around to birth centers and home birth midwives back then, and none of them took me, because at the time, I had state insurance, and they either did not cover midwives or the midwives had met their per capita of how many births they’re allowed or how many Molina births they wanted to attend. So I basically had to go to the hospital. So ended up having her at Good Sam in Puyallup, Good Samaritan Hospital, and it was not a great experience from the beginning. When I was pregnant with her, I knew that I did not want to vaccinate. And I had spoken I had the same pediatrician my whole childhood. So I made an appointment when I was pregnant with her, with my childhood pediatrician. And I said, hey, what do I do if I do not want to do this? We’ve done a lot of research. And I said, how does that work? Like in the hospital. I was 18. I was super young. Like, I didn’t know really know anything. So she said, you know what? I already know. They’re going to give you a lot. They’re going to give you a hard time in the hospital if you go in there and say you don’t want to do this. So she gave me some literature. I read over a ton. She was so helpful. And she said, one thing I’ll do is I will write you this letter, and you take it to the hospital and you say, this baby will be seen by this pediatrician, by my pediatrician, within a week of birth. Babies always have their check-in, and she will be seen by her, and all of her vaccinations and stuff will be overseen by this pediatrician. She wrote me out this letter. I kept it with me and took it to the hospital with me. When I was there, they were telling me about what was going to happen postpartum and stuff. And I was like, oh, well, no, after birth we don’t want to do shots and just….the looks like on their faces changed. They don’t like being challenged. They don’t like resistance. They don’t like being questioned. So that immediately to them was like hostility towards them. Rather than seeing a mother trying to make decisions, informed decisions for her own baby, it was, you’re going against what we’re saying. So after that, it was kind of just not a good time.  A lot of bullying by the hospital staff. A lot of just… a bad negative experience. They were talking to me, not only to me but to James as well. They were asking me if I was forced to do this if he was forcing me if there was any… they removed him from the room. They asked to go talk to him outside, and he went outside and he was gone for hours. I was lucky. My mom during labor. 

KIONA: And is this during labor? 

BLAINE: Yeah, this was all I was in the middle of labor, like, actively having contractions. I was lucky. My mom showed up not long before that. And so she was with me while he was in the hallway with them. And they were asking me, how do you know him? Are you guys in a relationship? How old are you? How old is he? Is he forcing you to do this? It was so weird. And my mom was staying there, and she’s like we were just, like, looking at each other, like, what’s happening? They asked for my ID. They wanted to see my ID. They asked, why him and I didn’t have the same last name. I was like, we’re not married. It’s 2012. People have babies without being married. Because I didn’t know. But they had taken his ID in the hallway. They wanted to know why we didn’t have the same last name. Who’s last name the baby is going to have? This was the first birth experience I ever had. I never saw anybody before this give birth in a hospital. Since then, I realized this is not normal. I’ve been to tons of births after that. Then I realized that was not normal. All the things they were asking me and asking where my parents were, I was like, this is my mother standing next to me. They didn’t believe she was my mom because she was white. And they said, oh, this is your mother? I said, yeah, that’s my mom. They asked for her ID.

KIONA: Just for the listeners. Blaine is a brown, beautiful woman. 

BLAINE:  I’m very obviously black. I’m mixed, so my mom’s white. I don’t look like her very much. We kind of have the same face. Not really. If you didn’t know, if you walked into the room, you wouldn’t think we were related. So we got this my whole childhood. So they did not believe she was my mother. She gave them her ID. We have the same last name. They saw that we were related. Very bizarre. I didn’t find out until after the baby was born. While they had James in the hallway, they had hospital security out there interviewing him about how he knew me, our relationship, if he was pressuring me into not vaccinating, if he was asking him if it was my decision to not want an epidural or to not want to vaccinate. It was so bizarre. They came back in. I just felt so gross about the whole thing. I was crying. And in between all this, maybe every few minutes, a nurse was coming in and asking me if I want an epidural. Like, constantly telling me I was being too loud. There were other mothers on the floor, and I was being too loud, and I was traumatizing the other mothers, how loud I was being while I was in labor. I was not screaming. I have videos. My mom and I had my best friend who was there as well. She was taking videos. We all had pictures and videos. I was not screaming. You’ve been to births. You know the sounds people make. I was making normal labor sounds. It was very weird. And every time they came in, I was having a contraction. And you know, while somebody’s having a contraction, you don’t speak. You’re quiet. You let them work through it, and give them support. You’re not asking them things unless it’s maybe an emergency. Every time I had a contraction, they came in and asked me if I wanted to get an epidural, and then they would leave. And so I don’t have a chance to in between while I’m kind of more coherent to say, please stop asking me while I’m having a contraction. So I told James, if she comes in the next time I have a contraction, tell her not to ask me, like, when she comes in, just tell her like this, like, say, stop. I want silence. And I kept, my family in the room already knew I’d been in labor for a day, to please stop talking while I’m having a contraction. She kept coming in, and that’s after he had finally told her, please stop asking her while she’s having contractions for an epidural. It’s very distracting. It’s kind of like throwing her off the rhythm she’s trying to get into. And then that’s when they called in security because they felt threatened by him telling me that, and they asked. 

KIONA: I think it’s good for the audience and listeners to also know that James is also a black man. 

BLAINE: Oh, yeah, sorry. He’s also very black. He’s very black as well. So, yeah, the language that was being used was the nurse said she felt threatened by him asking them to stop asking me while I’m having a contraction if I want an epidural. And then he was taken out into the hallway in questions and all these things, and then after that, they were just more hostile, telling me I need to be quiet, like, threatening me if I don’t get a don’t be quiet they’re taking me in for a c-section. And I said, well I was like, you can’t take me just because I’m being loud. Like, if something’s wrong with the baby, she’s like, oh, so you don’t want a c-section either? You don’t want an epidural or a c-section? I said, well if something’s wrong with the baby, I’ll get a c-section. And she said, well, we can find something wrong with your baby to get a c-section. Basically telling me if I don’t be quiet, they’ll basically make up a reason that I need to get a c-section. It was the whole thing was just so traumatized to a young person who’s never had a baby before. So, if you can imagine, this is why I found and discovered home birth. So there’s a lot of things were happening. I was there for over two days. Kept asking them to call my doctor, please call him, please call him. Finally, the nurse was, like, at my bedside, and I screamed. I was like, call him. I hadn’t seen him the whole time. It was just very like… to me. Like, he was with me my whole pregnancy. Like, I wanted him there, obviously, right, while I was giving birth. So she called him in the room with me, and she said, he has to be in at 07:00 a.m. For a meeting, so he’ll just come and see you when he comes in. And it was, like, four in the morning, and I’d already been in labor for two days. Maddie was born at 7:01, so he wasn’t even there for a birth. He missed it. A doctor I didn’t even know came in. I had been yelling that, I’m pushing, I’m pushing. And they’re telling me I can’t because the doctor is not there yet. I finally was like, I’m pushing, I’m screaming. We have pictures, and my mom on one side and James on one side, and my mom’s in my ear, and she’s like, push, just push. My mom’s had four kids. She’s like, just push. If you want to push, do not hold it. I was like, okay, I’m pushing. A doctor I’ve never seen before. A woman walks in, and doesn’t say a word to me. She just sits down, gets gloves on, and immediately gives me an episiotomy. And I started screaming, and I was like, why does it hurt? Like, she sat down. Why is it hurting so bad? My mom looked down, and she was like, just keep going. Just keep watching. She didn’t want to tell me. And then after she told me they had given me an episiotomy, she had just immediately walked in, and gave me an episiotomy, because she probably had other patients or just wanted to hurry it up. She was obviously just called in quickly. There’s a woman in labor. Dr. Edson’s not here. Come in. So she came in and then left. One thing I found out was, oh, no, she waited till the placenta was delivered. So one thing I found out after was the baby was delivered, and I was young enough to know that the placenta had to come out, so the baby was delivered. And then I saw a nurse bring over a tray to start doing sutures, and she started suturing, and then she said, oh, wait, no, here comes the placenta. She had already started suturing me, my episiotomy before the placenta came out. You can’t make this up. The placenta is delivered. While I was screaming, because she had already started suturing me. And then later, I was telling the story to the midwife I worked for. She was like, her face the whole time was like, you’re kidding me? Like, yeah, just…I didn’t know. My, I wasn’t young enough to know. My mom, like, you know, we were taught the doctors know everything. You don’t question a doctor. If a doctor is doing something, you’d be quiet and let them do what they’re doing. They’re working. So they were taught that they were an authority figure. And now that I’m an adult, I’m like, sorry, I don’t see doctors as, like, authority figures anymore, especially after doing all the births I did in hospitals, working as a doula and things. I’m like, yeah, my birth experience kind of cemented a lot of that. My birth experience with Maddie, and it was very scary. The placenta was delivered normally, got my sutures, the doctor left. I don’t honestly, don’t think she said anything to me the whole time. And then we were whisked off to a postpartum room, and that’s when my doctor showed up and basically walked in and said, do you want ibuprofen? I was like, no, I’m good. And then he turned around, left, and didn’t see him the rest of the time I was there. Yeah. 

KIONA: What an experience. 

BLAINE: It was so bad. Yeah. And on the way home from the hospital, I was bawling, crying the whole way home, I was crying, and James was like, that was terrible. Obviously, we don’t ever have to, we’re not doing that ever again. I was like, I’m never going to have a baby in the hospital. Oh, my God. And then a few days later, when our family and stuff were visiting, somebody had made a joke. I don’t know if it was my mom or his mom. It was obviously wasn’t my mom because she knew that the experience was terrible. Somebody in our family was like, when are you working on number two? I was like, this is a newborn baby. We’re not anytime soon. But then he left 

KIONA: And we are traumatized. 

BLAINE: Yeah. And then he’s like, that sucks because I kind of do want to have more kids, but we never do that again. After that, I was, started talking to my mom about midwifery and about how she used her midwife. And then I went to that woman’s website and kind of started reading and saw her certifications and things looked those up. And I was like, oh, this is like I could be a CPM. People do this. So that kind of led me onto my path of midwifery. Not long after that, I saw the prerequisites to becoming a Doula. I had never even heard of a doula. If I had, I would have gotten one for my birth. So I just thought having my best friend, my mom, there were enough. Well, my mom had four babies in the hospital, and she wasn’t awake for a few of them. And then my best friend, obviously, was also another 18-year-old girl who didn’t know anything about birth. And James, his only other birth experience, he had a son when we met and had a very traumatic hospital birth experience himself. And so after that, he had had two birth experiences. That’s why after that, he was like, I don’t ever want to do that again. Jamer’s birth was really traumatic, your birth was… he’s like, I’m never going to be at another hospital birth. After he was questioned on the way home, he was like, I thought they were going to arrest me. They said, we’ll call the police. I was like, oh, my God. It was just scary. So he’s like, I’m not doing that again. What happens if they get arrested next time? While you’re in labor. It was just really scary. So after that, we looked into it. I became a doula. I did hospital doula births, home doula births. I started midwifery school, started working with a midwife, and then while I was coming towards my last year with her, she was going to start taking a break from midwifery the next year and I found out I was pregnant. So I worked with her from January to December. And then in December, in January, she took a gap from midwifery, took the year half a year off, and then I took off to have Maddie s. So it was like, good, perfect timing. We worked together for each of our last years in midwifery and then it was a lot of fun. In that year, I think I was at like, between ten and 15 births a month. It was a crazy year. I can’t even remember most things of 2017 I can hardly remember, because before that I was a doula before that for two years, and then I was still a doula. And working with the midwife for the third year, it was insane. I worked for Open Arms Perinatal Services, the volunteer doula service where they pay for doulas for low-income families, and I did that for a year and a half and it was amazing. So I was attending those births while working with a midwife and  I was taking maybe ten, maybe eight to ten births from open arms, and then the midwife would have anywhere from eight to ten births a month that I was also attending. So it was a crazy time. And then I found out I was pregnant towards the end, and I was like, I’m just going to take a break. I can’t do this with three kids. At the time, I was only three. So with her, obviously, I’d been working births for years, seen hundreds of births in those three years. So I decided with this one, I’m obviously going to do a home birth, but I decided I’m just going to be crazy and go unassisted. So for my third baby, for Abby, or for my second baby for Abby, we decided we’re not going to have anybody there. The first experience for mine was so overwhelming and overstimulating, and there were so many people coming in and out between my family coming in and out, and doctors and nurses and people I didn’t know. My baby was delivered by somebody I hadn’t even met before. So this time we’re going to do the complete opposite and nobody’s going to be there. So I felt like I had seen enough births, had enough experiences. I was inspired by so many women in those years, like, seeing just how hard and traumatic, how hard they worked for their babies. I was like, I can do this, I can do this at home. We’ll be good. So Abby, my second baby, was born at home with just James and I. And right before she was born, I looked up as I was pushing her out, I looked up, and Maddie, she was five by this time, Maddie had walked in, and she was standing there watching, and I was like, come in. So Maddie came in and Abby was delivered, and it was just the three of us in the room. It was awesome. In the middle of the night, it was amazing. So that, I think seeing all those births really inspired me. I could do this. The first time I thought I could do it, I thought, well, hundreds and thousands of millions of women have given birth. I’ll be good just going in with no education at all. But after that, after having the years of it had been five years since Maddie was born, I had five years to learn. I’d been in school for, you know, I’d been in school, I’d been taking doula training and seeing so many births that I knew that I knew that I could do it. 

KIONA: Were there any complications at all with that birth? 

BLAINE: Yeah. So we had her at home, had a free birth. She was born perfectly healthy. My labor was less than 3 hours. At the time the midwife that had been working for, she had three free births. And she told me, if anything goes wrong, just call me. So Abby was born. I immediately took a placenta tincture after placenta to help my placenta release. Didn’t work. It had been 30 minutes. My placenta still wasn’t out. So I text her and she said, let me know if it’s not out in another 10 minutes. And I’ll come over. 10 minutes went by. No placenta she comes over. Abby had been born at this time, was awesome. She was playing. We’re trying to nurse her. She was hanging out with James. I started nursing her to try to get it to release. Still didn’t release. She did a manual, sweep to try to get it out. Still didn’t want to come out. So we transferred to the hospital and they said, as soon as I got there, they were like, are you okay with us giving you we’re going to have to give you a muscle relaxer. We’re going to have to give you something to try to pitocin. She had already given me pitocin when she got there. She got there, gave me pitocin, did a sweep, nothing. So she told them how much pitocin she had given me. They’re like, well, you’re only allowed to have a little bit more. If it doesn’t work, we’ll have to give you a muscle relaxer. So we get to the hospital and they said, oh, let’s just give her a muscle relaxer, see what happens. They give it to me and within 5 minutes it just came out on its own. When it came out. I don’t even think we were at the hospital for 20 minutes before I was already transferred to a postpartum room because it just happened so quick in the Er, basically. So we got there, they gave me a muscle relaxer. It just came right out. In my placenta, instead of being round, was three separate pieces. So I had an abnormal placenta and did not know. They call it a trilobed placenta, so it almost looked like a clover. It was in three individual pieces. So throughout my pregnancy, it didn’t cause any problems for me or her. But with delivery, it obviously didn’t detach normally because it wasn’t like, a nice round shape to just come away. It had pieces in weird places, so they were able to determine that it came out whole and everything was good. And so we transferred to a postpartum room, and were gone in a few hours. They were there when I needed them. But with my birth experience last time, it was the labor that was the most traumatizing to me, was not being in control of my own labor and being at the behest of other people while I’m having my baby was very traumatizing to me. So I feel like even though I did have to transfer, I got to labor by myself. I got to labor with James. We had very redeeming birth. Me redeeming, Maddie’s birth, him, his first. Maddie and James’s birth. He was the first one to see his baby, the first one to grab her and talk to her. It was so amazing. He’s the one who named her. It was kind of crazy. We didn’t have a name because we didn’t know if she was a boy or a girl, so we kind of had lists. We would, like, text each other names back and forth and made a list, like boy names and girl names and were kind of like we’ll just see when they come out. And it was so weird. Like, she was born, and he picked her up and he said, Hi, Abigail. I was like, Abigail? And then he was like, Did I just call her Abigail? I was like, yeah, you did. He’s like, that’s so weird. And I went through my list and our text, and that was not on any of them. He was like, It was so weird. When I saw her, I just saw the name Abigail. I was like, okay, cool. Let’s do it. It was so weird. Yeah, it was really amazing. So I feel like that birth was super redeeming for both of us. So even though we had to transfer, the hospital staff was amazing. Everybody was awesome. My midwife, my preceptor transferred with us. She hung out with us for a while until it made sure everything was good. She ordered us dinner the next night. So it was really amazing. Yeah, it was super great. 

KIONA: Was it a different hospital that you transferred to this time?

BLAINE: Yes. So the first time I was in Puyallup. We live in Federal Way now. So I went to Franciscan Hospital in Federal Way and they were amazing. And I have done births there since Abby was born. And I saw a lot of the same staff and they were super great. I really enjoyed that hospital. But as a Doula, towards the end, I stopped attending hospital births. Because I had a lot of very traumatic hospital experiences with clients. I had actually to tell open arms, I don’t want to do hospital births at this hospital. And then it moved to, well, I’m not doing this hospital either. And then it moved to, I’m not doing any hospital births, so please only refer me to birth centers or like, give me birth center or home birth clients because I cannot work in hospitals anymore. There are a lot of racist, homophobic hospitals in Seattle that after seeing 

KIONA: Which is so unfortunate man.

BLAINE: my clients go through things. Black clients, queer clients go through things. I won’t do it anymore. I know it happens. It’s very sad. I wish I could support those people, but for myself, I can’t put myself through that anymore. And I know that they will find good doulas that can help them. I can’t be around it anymore. I can’t watch people suffer and my clients suffer in the hospital anymore. It was too bad. After leaving a birth and literally having a breakdown in the parking lot, I said, I can never watch somebody go through that again. I felt kind of selfish, like, okay, well, I’m leaving people. Like, they’re not going to have support, but there are doulas that can do that. And it was just for me and my mental health and my family. I’m like, I can’t see hospital births anymore. And every time it would just bring back those feelings of Maddie. And I just knew what my clients were feeling. Like, I’ve been through it. I know. And I know that they’re suffering. And it was so hard for me to watch that, watching myself go through it over and over. I’m like, I can’t no, sorry. I can only do home births from now on. And after switching that, my mindset about birth changed. It became more positive, like, a lot more positive for me. After not seeing hospital births anymore and to where I still had even after having a free birth hospital transfer, I still had my next two babies at home just because. Just because, I still felt, that it was safer, honestly, and better for my mental health.

KIONA: Were your next two because it’s Miles and Theo, right? 

BLAINE: Yes. 

KIONA: Okay. Were both of them free births, or were they… 

BLAINE: No. So I got pregnant with Miles when Abby was eight months old. 

KIONA: I remember coming over and being like, hey, how are things going? And you’re, like sooo.. I’m pregnant.

BLAINE: Pretty soon. Yeah. It was really close after, so yeah. She was barely 18 months when he was born, so she was practically still a baby herself and very still, like, we were a home school family. Like, we’re home all the time. We’re always together. So I knew, obviously, going to a birth center wasn’t an option, like, being away from her. And also, James wouldn’t be able to be with me if he’s with Abby. So we decided to hire a midwife and a doula for that birth. So I went with my midwife. Amazing, beautiful Somali midwife named Faisa. She’s local, has an office here in Federal Way.

KIONA: I love Faisa.

BLAINE:  I absolutely love her death. She was my midwife for Miles. I saw her my whole pregnancy with him, and she delivered him here, and it was a great experience. Their practice actually offered free doula and postpartum doulas, so I was given a doula with them that I knew, an amazing, beautiful person named Kristen. So she was my doula. For my birth with Miles. And that experience was great as well. A very quick home birth, very uneventful pregnancy, uneventful labor, uneventful birth. It was what you would dream of for a home birth. So it was awesome. It was really great. So James was able to be with the kids, and hang out because ended up being during the day. I was kind of hoping it’d be at night so at least if Abby was sleeping, he could be with us. But I went into labor at 01:00 in the afternoon and actually had an appointment with her that day. I was 42 weeks. I was overdue, way overdue. I was the same with Abby. I was 42 weeks with her too, for my free birth. So she’s like, hey, I’m going to come check on you because if this baby is not born today, we got to get it rolling. So she came over at one and maybe about ten minutes before she got there, it started having contractions. So she just stayed. And he was born at 05:00 that afternoon. So it was pretty quick. The Doula got there just in time. She got there about 2 hours before he was born. So I kind of had like a nice labor. James’s job is super flexible. So he was at work and as soon as Faisa got there and realized this in labor, she’s like, no, you’re kind of going fast, you should call him home. So he was home within ten minutes. He hung out with the kids, took them outside so I could labor. I don’t want to scare them with any sounds. So Abby was little. So they played outside and then they came back inside. Once it started getting close, they called him in and he set the kids up with pizza downstairs and he ran upstairs and he was there for the last 20 minutes of Miles being born. Basically, when I started pushing, they’re like, hey, call James inside. So he came inside and the kids were downstairs chilling and he was there with Miles. I was leaning on him. It was really great. So he got to see him born and announced that he was a boy. We didn’t know either. And then he came up and after everybody was all cleaned up and under blankets and everything was cleaned up, we brought the kids up and it was really nice. Yeah, it was a great birth with him too great. 

KIONA: Did you have any complications postpartum with him at all with your placenta? 

BLAINE: No, actually I was slightly anemic with him. Also with Abby I did with the retained placenta, did hemorrhage a little bit and with the pitocin not working. I had told Faisa about the experience. She knew that she was immediately going to give me pitocin. I’m not a super huge fan of it. I’d rather not hemorrhage though. So I said, as long as the baby’s out, I’m good with you giving me pitocin. I don’t care if it’s in if I have it. So after he was delivered, she immediately gave me pitocin because she was worried about a hemorrhage. And I did have a mild hemorrhage, so I was low on iron after I was slightly anemic and I just took iron supplements, ate a lot. I stayed in bed. Told me to stay in bed for a few days. So I stayed in bed, and he was bringing me steaks and broccoli and kale and burgers and all the fat and carbs and all the folate and iron and vegetables. And I was eating a salad twice a day and just trying to keep my iron up. And I was in bed for a few days. I didn’t go downstairs, I don’t think, for a week. Same with Abby. I was a hemorrhage after her. I stayed in bed for over a week with her. Just got all the food brought to me, and it was amazing. 

KIONA: Perfect!

BLAINE: So, yeah, I highly advocate for that postpartum. Stay in bed as long as you possibly can, and after that, do very little and eat a lot, a lot. So my only complication was that I was anemic, and I kind of caught on when I was really obsessing over ice. Like, I was chewing my ice constantly. Like, James is bringing me my postpartum tea. I made myself a big batch of tea the day that I went into labor. And so he was bringing me my tea for postpartum, and I was eating the ice, and every time he came up, he’s like, your ice is already melted. I was like, no, I ate it. He’s like, yeah, I think you’re anemic. Maybe I am. So that’s how we kind of knew that I needed some extra iron, and Faisa ran my iron, and she’s like, yeah, you need to start supplementing and eating more vegetables. Other than that, no major complications. And then I didn’t get pregnant again for two years after that with Theo, he is eight months now. He was born last June. And same thing, very uneventful pregnancy. No major complications. No complications during labor at home, except, no major complications. I did my water did break, and I didn’t go into labor for over day after that. That’s never happened to me. With all three of the previous ones, my water broke while I was pushing, none of my waters broke prematurely. None of them broke while I was in labor. They always broke while I was pushing. And actually, while I was pushing with miles, Faisa broke my water because to get things moving. I was pushing and having a lot of he was going back in a lot. She’s like, your waters are bulging. If I pop them, he’ll come right out. She broke my water. And it was instant. Like, oh, pretty instant. I think. She looked and she said, I’m breaking her water. At 458. Her assistant charted it and then he was born at 05:00, she had broke my water. She had broke it before if I’d let her. I was trying to hold out, but with Theo my water broke on Monday morning. Actually, funny story. I woke up at like 04:00 a.m. To my chickens screaming outside because I have chickens. And James and I both got up and rushed outside and there was a huge possum that had dug its way into our chicken coop. And we scared it off and came back inside. And we walked back in the door and it was like a movie just everywhere. 

KIONA: Gush everywhere.

BLAINE: He’s like, I hope that was your water. I was like, yes. So Faisa came over when she woke up that morning and checked me. And then that was on Monday morning. And I didn’t have him until Tuesday at 09:00 at night. So my water was broken for over 24 hours. We were right about to go to the hospital at home birth, she said. Um, she obviously had to remind me. I know you’re not supposed to have your water broken for too long. It can increase the risk of infection. But I really did not want to go to the hospital. So she said, if you’re not in labor by 02:00, that’s 25 hours. We have to go to the hospital in that hour. I was trying everything I could to make myself go into labor. And at about one it was about 1:45, I started having contractions. I’m like, Please, let’s just stay. Let’s see if they pick up. And they had picked up pretty intensely within the next 30 minutes. So we decided to stay. And then he was born at nine, so she’d also given me a time limit. Your water has been broken even though you’re in labor. If he’s not born by a certain time, we should probably go in. And his heart, his heart rate sounded great the whole time. Our vitals were good, so she was okay with us staying at home, and then she stayed a little bit longer after he was born. With Miles, she stayed, I think, maybe three or 4 hours. With Theo, she was there for almost 5 hours. Just because my water was broken for so long, she wanted to monitor us and make sure he was okay and he was totally great. 

KIONA: That’s awesome: 

BLAINE: He was fine. No complications. He was born with extra pinkies

KIONA: Really?

BLAINE: Which is super weird. 

KIONA: Cool

BLAINE: Yeah. It was not picked up on the ultrasound because there was no bone. It was not picked up on ultrasound. It was so weird. They say it’s genetic. Neither of us

KIONA: So who had an extra pinky?  

BLAINE: Exactly. We called our oldest relatives on everybody’s family, and nobody knew of it happening in our family, so it was just random. He got the random jeans and had two little tiny extra pinkies, and other than that, he’s great. 

KIONA:  Nice. So does he still have those pinkies? 

BLAINE: No, we had them removed. They were really tiny, and there was no bone in them. It was just skin. And I was really worried about them getting caught on things. And the doctor said the same thing. She said you could just leave them, but I will warn you, they do get ripped off and caught on things. So we were worried about that happening and causing greater injury. So they just put a little surgical staple on it and it fell off in a few days. So it was super simple. 

KIONA: Cool, yeah. Kind of like what they do for hemorrhoids. It just kills it over time. 

BLAINE: Exactly. Yes. It only took a week for them to fall off, and it was super normal. And I never heard of it happening. And I had posted about it on my Facebook. Like, here. He’s perfect. Except for his little, he’s got his little extra pinkies. They’re so cute. And a friend of mine that I went to high school with had sent me a message, and she said, hey, remember I was pregnant at the same time as you? I was like, yeah. She’s like, well, he was born three days before your baby, and he has the same thing. And she sent me a picture. They looked identical. I was like, what? It was so bizarre. I was like, Wait, is it in your family? She’s like, no, it’s not in my family at all. We had never, ever heard of it. And he randomly had it, and we both had them removed at the same time because they were only a few days apart. But I thought that was so bizarre 

KIONA: that is so bizarre.

BLAIE: that somebody that I had went to school with, we talk occasionally. I think we’ve had, like, a playdate or two. But how random is that, that we got pregnant at the same time and had babies days apart and they had the same polydactyl fingers. It was just super weird. It could have been any finger or toes, but it was the same pinkies. It was super bizarre. But. Yeah, apparently it happens. The midwife, she’s the one who noticed it when he was born. And she didn’t say anything. We didn’t know until about a few minutes later when she was wrapping him up for James to hold while she was doing my placenta. And he was like, let’s count your fingers and toes. And she said, oh, you’re going to be surprised. And I was like, Why? And he pulled his hand out. He was like, what? It was crazy. And she said that she had seen it before. 

KIONA: Oh, wow. I feel like thats..

BLAINE: Yeah. And I had never yeah. 

KIONA: I feel like that’s something that would not be seen very often. 

BLAINE: Yeah. 

KIONA: Especially like, if it is ever caught during pregnancy. I feel like if there’s any slight difference in pregnancy, especially with hospital births, they’re going to be like, no, you need to stay at the hospital. 

BLAINE: Yeah, exactly. 

 KIONA: It’s probably less likely for an out-of-hospital midwife to see that.

BLAINE: Exactly. They see less births. They obviously see less births than in a hospital, but apparently, it’s that common that she had seen it. But yeah, it was crazy. His birth was completely uneventful, which is what you want in a home birth, a nice, calm birth, nothing to go wrong. And he will definitely be my last. I say this after every one, but he will definitely be my last. But I would say that was a nice wholesome way to round out my birth experiences. Every birth can’t be perfect. I had my one, my first one, but everyone I learned from and try to make the next one better, more positive. Flow smoother with having four kids at home, multiple toddlers at home, while you’re giving birth, which I feel like a lot of people who have I’ve talked to have gone to birth centers or hospitals, are scared to give birth at home because of complications or because they have small children in the house. But I feel like introducing children to birth and it’s the most natural process 

KIONA: I’m right there with you yeah

BLAINE: from a young age, is just I don’t want to say my kids are more mature, but they are able to talk about stuff like that, and use anatomically correct words. They don’t say the stork delivers the baby. They know where babies come from. They’ve seen it. 

KIONA: Yeah. exactly. Yeah. 100%. My kids are the exact same way. 

BLAINE: Yeah. Making it as normal as possible. Normalizing it as much as possible that. You can do it. You can have babies at home. Like as a kid, I had seen birth centers. My mom had a birth in a birth center. So I knew other out-of-hospital experiences were possible. But James did not. He did not think there was any other way. That’s why with his first wife and their birth experience in the hospital, very traumatic. She had a postpartum hemorrhage and they also did not want to vaccinate. And while his wife was hemorrhaging and he was with his wife, they gave their son vaccinations. And that with him was just the ultimate betrayal of trust in a hospital. That he was just so heartbroken. He had been…that was the norm for him. He has a lot of siblings too, and family, and they were all born in hospitals. And he was like super excited to have his son and go there. And he picked the best hospital. They drove to go to a nicer hospital and then that had that happen. It was just so I feel like it’s so traumatizing for him and his wife that they kind of both kind of burned them a little bit. The medical industry. And then so when we had our baby, he was like, I had him in a hospital, but I didn’t really like it. But what else are we going to do? He didn’t know that there was another option. So then when we had Maddie, I’m like, whatever, we’ll just go to we’ll go to this hospital. My mom had her babies here, Good Sam, we’ll go there. And then that happened to us. And then after that, he’s like, what do we do? What is our option? But I feel like now our kids, my sons can say, oh, I watched my little brother be born at home and maybe try to it can go on as something like that’s natural. It shouldn’t be seen as scary. All of my kids were born at home except for the older ones, that’s just normal for them. They saw all their siblings be born at home. So hopefully that they’re not afraid when they’re older, if they have no major health complications and the baby is healthy, that they’ll see that home birth is an option. That hospital isn’t the only option. Just trying to normalize it. 

KIONA: Yeah, like exposure early on, that’s the same path that I took with my kids because Kavina was there for Kairo’s birth and Katana’s, and I don’t know if you know this, but she actually caught Katana at the birth center.

BLAINE: Oh my gosh, are you serious? That’s so sweet. 

KIONA: So she had that experience and we talked about that. And she actually has her own episode. It’s going to be the fourth episode of the podcast where she talks about her experiences. its going ot be interesting. 

BLAINE: I love that. I love that. Yeah. That’s so sweet. 

KIONA: So if you could give any advice to any listeners that are pregnant on labor and birth, what would be one thing that you would say? 

BLAIN: I would say just education. Read a lot. If you think you know something about birth, read into it even more, because so many things can happen. Every single birth is different. I’ve had four kids. Not one of them has been the same. Everyone has been different. Everyone’s had its own challenges. Everyone has had different levels of, you know, of I hate using the word pain, but honestly, it was like at my hospital birth, I felt like my contractions were harder and more intense than at my home births. And then where I was in labor longer, those ones, the contractions towards the end were more intense. After having four kids, my last labor, like, the contractions came on a lot harder, and I thought I wasn’t going to need I won’t need my TENS unit, I won’t need as much support because I’ve already had three kids, but those contractions were stronger than any of my other kids contractions. So I just reading a lot. I read so many birth stories, so many books. I’ve read every one of my pregnancies. I read in Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I read Spiritual Midwifery, just because the stories are so inspiring. I don’t watch hospital birth videos when I’m pregnant. I watch birth videos of homebirths to give myself inspiration, to say, look at her, she did that. I can do it. So that way, when you’re in your in labor, you’re not you don’t feel like every person I feel like in a point, labor feels like they want to give up. They say, I can’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I’ve done. And then for me, I just drew on that, like, I can do it. There are women who have their babies in cars. There are women who have had their babies outside. There are women who have their babies literally during war. If I can’t have my baby in my nice, warm room…. I can do anything. So it just really gives you something to push through. And I feel like a lot of that had to do with me reading and watching so many birth experiences and so many birth stories, and I mean, I have a whole bookshelf of birth books. I read Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Kaplan. Just all these things to give myself, like, inspiration. To give myself strength to draw through from when I’m in birth, whether you’re in a hospital, in a hospital, or a home birth. My friend recently had a baby in a hospital and she read the unassisted childbirth book that I was reading when I was pregnant. And she said that gave me so much inspiration when I was in a hospital that knowing this woman had her baby at home by herself. I’m in a hospital with the best medical care. If anything goes wrong, they can help me. So that kind of helped her. And then she said, you know, what the next one? I think I could do it at home. They didn’t really do much for me at the hospital. I think I could do it at home. And just like, I feel like the more that you can do to prepare, the better your outcomes are going to be. I’m not going to say it’s going to make every birth perfect because like I said, there’s always complications. Something can always happen. But I feel like I put birth quotes and stuff on my wall and pictures of pregnant women while I’m in labor and pictures of my babies when they were my kids, when they were babies. And I would look at them and be like, I just got to push this baby out. It’s going to be so cute like her. Anything to give yourself inspiration and strength while you’re pregnant. And I would listen to birth podcasts every night and things that just to remind you that you’re strong. Every woman can. You can do it. Millions of women have done it before you. 

KIONA: right

BLAINE: I feel like some women, just like I did when I was 18, I’m going to go to the hospital. I don’t need to know anything. I don’t need to read deep birth or parenting books. I’m going to go to the hospital and they’ll tell me everything and they’ll tell me what to do and all this. And unfortunately, that’s not the case for a lot of people. It doesn’t work out like that. If I had read all these books before I gave birth in a hospital, my experience would have been a lot different. If I had done any of the preparation that I did with my other kids, my birth at the hospital would have been a lot different. So whether you’re birthing at home or in a hospital or a birth center, I just feel like education books, classes, there’s so many different childbirth classes and childbirth educators and things. Doulas, I mean, doulas provide so much education in pregnancy. I would always advocate for everybody to get a doula, whether you’re at home or hospital. They’re so helpful. Yeah. Just help yourself during your pregnancy to give yourself a good birth. 

KIONA: Yeah, I 100% agree with that. And just having the education, like, you don’t have to be a duel or a midwife to reach out for these resources. I will share these resources on your behalf to the audience. So, yes, I have Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, Spiritual Midwifery and Unassisted Childbirth. 

BLAINE: Yes. 

KIONA: Okay. I’ll also share a link to Open Arms Perinatal Services. 

BLAINE: Yes, please. 

KIONA: Also, of course, share Faisa. 

BLAINE: They’re so amazing. Yes. And Faisa. Amazing Faisa. We have so many amazing birth workers in this area. 

KIONA: Yes, we’re so fortunate. 

BLAINE: I was so fortunate to have the experiences and worked with so many amazing midwives. Not just the preceptor I worked for, but I went to other births with her. She was a backup for other midwives. And I met so many midwives in this area that just I feel like we are so spoiled to have

KIONA: we are

BLAINE:  Just amazing like so many amazing birth workers from midwives to doulas to childbirth educators to prenatal yoga. We went to prenatal yoga together. 

KIONA: We did yeah! 

BLAINE: We have so many resources around here that I feel like I was very lucky and fortunate to have so many good birth experiences. 

KIONAL I will send Erika’s link again too because that was awesome.

BLAINE: Thank you. Yes, she does a lot of now, childbirth education in preparing families for childbirth. I would highly recommend her. I was just looking at her website. So amazing. 

KIONA: Yeah, she is absolutely amazing. And she is very queer-friendly and very just open to all things. I love Erika. Yeah. So. Thank you, Blaine. Thank you for sharing your stories.

BLAINE: Thank you. Sorry, I talked your talk to your off. 

KIONA: No, that’s exactly what I need. That’s amazing. I love it. I’m so excited to be sharing your stories. 

BLAINE: Thank you.

KIONA: Yeah. thanks for coming on the podcast. 

BLAINE: Yes, anytime. Bye. 

KIONA: Recording this episode with Blaine was a lot of fun and I reached out to her post-recording to confirm whether or not the Kristen that was her birth doula was my birth doula. And I was happy to hear that Kristen was both of our birth doulas. And so I’m finding this as the perfect opportunity to share Kristen’s birth experience next week. So tune in next week to hear Kristen’s personal pregnancy and birth experience with Baby Beam. 

KIONA: Thank you so much for tuning into this episode today. Don’t hesitate to share this with your family and friends. If you liked this episode, feel free to leave a review so my podcast can pop up for others and they can see and listen to it as well. If you have a birth story or experience you would want to share on the Birth As We Know It podcast, head over to Kionanessenbaum.com and fill out the guest request form that is Kionanessenbaum.com. I look forward to connecting with you again soon. Bye for now.

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Last updated on September 18, 2024