Rebecca takes us alongside her through the journey of choosing to be a single parent, finding a sperm donor, finding out she conceived twins, and then having to deal with being bounced around hospitals during her pregnancy to keep her babies from being born extremely prematurely. It is a wild ride with a very happy ending. Take a listen and let me know what your favorite part was by sending me a text!
Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only, with no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. I, Kiona Nessenbaum, am not a licensed medical professional. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experience of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
Also, there is a small mention of stillbirth when speaking of how she came up with her babies’ names around the 59-minute mark.
Another great twin birth story is episode 10-Kendra Buchholz-Miscarriage-Vaginal Twin Birth-Mora & Wren
Resources:
- Perinatal Support of Washington: https://perinatalsupport.org/
- Postpartum Support International: https://www.postpartum.net
- Ronald McDonald House Charities-New Zealand: https://rmhc.org.nz/
- Ronald McDonald House Charities:https://ronaldmcdonaldhouse.org/
Definitions:
- Premature Rupture of Membranes (PROM)
- Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU)
- Dichorionic-Diamniotic (Di-Di) Twins
- Breech Baby Presentation
- Intrauterine Insemination (IUI)
Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode!
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Transcription of Episode 94:
Intro 0:08
Welcome to Birth As We Know It, a podcast that is dedicated to recognizing the many different ways that birth unfolds. I am your host, Kiona Nessenbaum. I have experienced birth as a doula, a student midwife, a birth assistant, and as a mother of three amazing children of my own. After attending over 140 births, I’ve realized that each birth experience is truly unique. So make sure you subscribe and join me as we are guided through many different birth experiences through the lens of the storyteller. Please be aware that some of these stories can be triggering to hear. So feel free to pause, take a breath, and come back and listen whenever you’re ready. With that said, let’s prep ourselves to dive deep and get detailed about what really happens in the birth space.
Disclaimer 1:05
As a reminder, this podcast is intended for educational purposes only and has no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experiences of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
Kiona 1:25
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Birth As We Know It podcast. Today, I am excited to be interviewing Rebecca Eaton, who will be sharing her story of her twin conception and births. So Rebecca, welcome.
Rebecca 1:39
Hi.
Kiona 1:40
Hi. I am excited to hear your story because it starts off with a sperm donor and you end up with twins and then the your water breaks. I’m not trying to I’m not trying to bring let’s let’s there’s a lot that happened.
Rebecca 1:57
Yeah.
Kiona 1:59
So Rebecca, tell me about the conception process of your twins. When did you know you wanted to have a baby? I should say. Let’s start with that.
Rebecca 2:09
Okay, so I’ve always wanted children. I had some issues with my ovaries having cysts. I had a 17 centimeter in diameter cyst removed off one of my ovaries when I was 23. And they also took one of my ovaries with it. And then so after that, I had more cysts on my other ovary. And they monitored each year with a ultrasound and pretty much were probably waiting for me to have kids so that they could deal with it, but gave me a pretty big window. And each year I would do that. The year before I decided to use a sperm donor, the specialists told me that the cyst that was on there needed to come out and that there was a possibility I could lose my ovary at the same time. So if I want to have children, I need to do it now. And at the time I was single, which was a bit of a scary sort of thought. I thought, right, I either need to figure out how to do this on my own, or I need To potentially not have children. So that was a big thought process that was quite hard. I spent a couple of months just thinking about it. I looked into going through a fertility clinic to use a sperm donor and the wait list was going to be about three years until you’re on the top of the list to be able to use a sperm There’s not a lot of options in New Zealand I don’t know what happens in America, do people get paid for sperm donation in the US or,
Kiona 3:59
So
Rebecca 4:00
right, yeah, so that, um, same here, so there’s not a lot, but anyway, I didn’t have three years, they needed to do the operation, so I thought, or how am I going to do this, and I found a, I thought about all of my male friends and whether I could use one of them, but that wasn’t something that I could, I couldn’t have a conversation with anybody or make a decision that way, um, and I wanted it to be somebody that perhaps wasn’t in their um, I wanted it to be sort of a separate thing, so I found a Facebook group that is for egg and sperm donors in New Zealand, and I pretty much just read a lot of people’s posts on there for ages, and, one day worked up some courage after a wine or two and put up a post, and I had a couple of people message me, and I chatted, I had quite a few people, but I, some of them sounded strange, so I messaged a couple of people, and then one of them really stood out, and we, uh, chatted lots, and met up a couple of times, and talked about what we both wanted from it, and why he was doing it, and and all the rest of it, and then decided to go ahead with doing at home, um, he made a contract between the two of us, just sort of sent emails back and forth, adding certain things that we both wanted on it, so it worked for both of us, he lives in a different, uh, city to me, so I went down to where he was, and we met up, and he did his part while I was somewhere else, and then he left, and then I went in and did, uh, did my part, and the first time it didn’t work, and then the second time he actually came to, he actually came to, was in my city visiting friends anyway, and had a message saying, does the timing work, and the timing with my ovulation didn’t really work, but it was close enough, so I was like, let’s give it a go, and it worked. um, so that was exciting and terrifying, and then I had, uh, an ultrasound booked to look at my ovary and my cyst already. I would have been about five weeks, five or six weeks pregnant at the time, and I thought, right, I’ll let them know, and I’ll see if they can just check everything’s all right, because if it’s ectopic or something like that, we may as well deal with it instead of waiting till the 12 weeks. So, we did that, and because I’d been to so many ultrasounds before, I sort of knew what I was looking at on the screen, and I was like, what are those two black things? What are those two marks? And she said, that’s your babies, and I was like, what do you mean babies? And she said, there’s two in there. And I was like, what? And I, I mean, you go through a real thought process of, can I have a baby by myself? Is that something I can do? And you get your head around having this one baby by yourself. And then she said it was two. I actually swore at the ultrasound lady. I was so shocked and terrified and all of the things. I was like, I can’t have two by myself. I can have one. What? So, I, yeah, swore at the ultrasound lady, and she, I, I laugh about this now, but actually, it’s probably pretty bad. But she said, it’s okay often. It starts as two, and one will vanish. Don’t panic. You’ll come back in for another ultrasound in two weeks’ time, and we’ll check to see whether they are both viable. Many people will, you know, one will, one will vanish, is what she said. And I was like, okay, okay, okay, So, in my head, I was like, it’s okay, one’s gonna go away.
Kiona 8:12
Mm-hmm.
Rebecca 8:13
And it’ll just be one. It’ll be fine. And then I turned up to the eight-week one. So, I think it was just over two weeks, two or three weeks later. and it was the same ultrasound lady, and I started out by apologising for swearing at her last time, and she just laughed and said, look, it’s absolutely fine and completely understandable that you swore at me.
Kiona 8:38
Yeah.
Rebecca 8:38
Um, I would have done the same, it’s fine. So, and then she said, there’s still two. And I just and I said, I knew that there were going to be two, I’m not shocked. And I was like, this is what’s happening, and I accepted it, still freaking out, but I accepted it, and wasn’t swearing anymore. And I just kind of laughed about it, and was like, of course I’m having two. Of course it’s twins.
Kiona 9:10
Yeah. In your family?
Rebecca 9:13
Um, so, mm, not really. My- my nana’s sisters were twins? They’re the only twins. It was not expected at all.
Kiona 9:27
I can tell, uh, that it wasn’t expected. And so, this contract that you had with the sperm donor, did he know that it was successful? And
Rebecca 9:37
Yes.
Kiona 9:38
it was fine?
Rebecca 9:39
Yes. Did
Kiona 9:39
he know that it was twins? Like, was he involved at all in your pregnancy, or was it more of just-
Rebecca 9:47
no, I messaged him to tell him it was successful, and then after the eight-week one, when I could confirm that it was twins, I messaged him to tell him that they were twins.
Kiona 9:59
What did he say?
Rebecca 10:01
Well, he’s a real good sort as well. Like, we had lots of laughs together prior to this. The whole thing was very lighthearted. It kind of had to be, because it’s very awkward. It’s the, using a sperm donor and doing it yourself is a very, very weird, very awkward sort of probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever and he, like, we laughed throughout the whole thing. We were like, this is so weird. Like, so it was not really like a S really serious sort of vibe anyway. So when I told him he found it pretty amusing. Um, he is actually a twin himself. when I found this out, when we were talking prior to me, using his sperm, I did a lot of research to be like, well. Can that make twins? But it doesn’t. So the father being a twin has nothing to do with the twins. So I was like, okay, it’s safe. I’m not going to have twins. It’s fine. This is going to be totally fine. And then it was, so he found it funny because he’s a twin and he, also two boys and I have two boys. So he, yeah, found that pretty funny and said, good luck to you.
Kiona 11:20
Pretty
Rebecca 11:21
much. And then I didn’t have contact with him until, much later in the pregnancy when, when things started happening, I sort of let him know that what was happening. And then I let him know when they were born. That’s fine. And then we have, uh, that was, uh, that was, uh, that was very, very, very, very long. So I contact him on their birthday send a couple of photos and sort of say what up to at the moment. And have we check in, how’s life, just, uh, just texting. Um, and that’s it. And then when the part of the contract is that when my kids are old enough, if they’re interested in having contact with him, he’s open to them contacting him. And he doesn’t need to have any sort of relationship with them or anything. Um, but he’s open to them reaching out and meeting him. And then that’s about it.
Kiona 12:25
Yeah.
Rebecca 12:26
Yeah.
Kiona 12:26
I think there’s a couple of things that I want to touch on here. I think that it’s super amazing that you sat down with this person, came up with a contract and talked about what each of you wanted. And it was very clear, or it seemed to have been very clear before you guys move forward with actually creating life. And the reason why that’s so important is because. There’s no saying what these kids are gonna want in the future, right, like, dude, who’s my father, like, who’s my other parent, and for them to have the option to be able to reach out, I think is really cool.
Rebecca 13:00
Absolutely. That was a really important part for me, because I don’t want these kids to feel like they don’t know where they’ve come from, or, like, I really looked ahead, and I thought, what’s needed in the future? for them to make not having a father seem, I don’t know what the right word
Kiona 13:24
Not as taboo, maybe, or.
Rebecca 13:26
Hmm.
Kiona 13:27
Like, not secretive.
Rebecca 13:28
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kiona 13:30
It’s just different.
Rebecca 13:32
And also so that you don’t feel lost, so that you feel like you know where you’ve come from, and have a place, and.
Kiona 13:40
Right.
Rebecca 13:40
Um, was still created out of, out of love,
Kiona 13:43
and, like, there was no abandonment.
Rebecca 13:44
No, no, that’s right, that’s right. Because it’s very different from having a father who has perhaps left, and there’s this abandonment feeling. No one’s abandoned you. this was all planned out this way. and I’m not hiding him either. He’s a wonderful person, and that was partly why I picked him. I wanted, you know, someone kind and doing it for awesome reasons, and, um, the rest of it. So, he was actually, the result of a sperm donor, and a surrogate. So, that was the reason why he was, uh, interested in, doing that for somebody else. Which I thought was really cool.
Kiona 14:25
That is so
Rebecca 14:25
It
Kiona 14:25
cool.
Rebecca 14:26
made it, kind of, kind of added to the story of it being cool, you know?
Kiona 14:30
Absolutely. Layers
Rebecca 14:32
There
Kiona 14:32
here.
Rebecca 14:33
are so many layers. There are so many layers. Yeah.
Kiona 14:38
Try to dive into what your pregnancy was like. So, you find out that you’re having twins, you go to your second ultrasound, you’re still having twins. How does your pregnancy progress from there?
Rebecca 14:48
Uh, so, the I was really tired. Felt sick. Really sick, but I never, I didn’t have morning sickness. In the fact that I vomited or anything. I just felt a bit nauseous all the time. I had issues with so many different types of food that I couldn’t stand all of a sudden. I found work hard because I was so exhausted and you can’t tell anybody at this point. So, I was sort of, uh, getting home and lying down for the rest of the day and it was tricky. But then that passed and I started feeling all right. I still had issues with food. I had issues with food for pretty much the whole pregnancy. I couldn’t stand the smell of raw meat or meat cooking. Uh, and I actually threw out meat because I thought it was off. And I went to cook some, I think it was like lamb chops or something. And I was like, it smelled like off meat. And I was like, that is disgusting. And I threw it out. And then a couple of days later, went to cook different meat and the same thing happened. And I was like, that doesn’t seem right. I threw it out again. And I was like, hold on, what is going on? And I mentioned it to, I think I mentioned it to my sister and she said, oh, that happened when I was pregnant and I couldn’t stand the smell of meat. So I was like, oh my goodness, it’s a pregnancy thing. because I’m single, there’s no one else in the house. I couldn’t get anyone else to like deal with the meat. So I just kind of stopped. And then I talked to my midwife about it and she said, you need the iron and stuff from the meat. So perhaps you need to go to someone else’s house that can cook meat outside on the barbecue once a week, or like go out for a steak once a week something like that. so I did that for a wee while and just, uh, ate vegetarian meals myself and went to my parents’ house for dinner once a week and got dad to cook the steak on the barbecue outside so I didn’t have to smell it. once it was cooked, I was fine, but yeah. And I also felt really sick if I was hungry or full. So I had to just kind of stay in a state of neither of them. So I had to just eat little bit of something all the time, so I got obsessed with plums, and I ate a plum, like, every half an hour, half an hour, 40 minutes, and I ate a lot of plums.
Kiona 17:23
I mean, His next question would be, like, were you pretty regular then?
Rebecca 17:28
Yeah, so that sort of counteracted, I guess,
Kiona 17:32
Pregnancy?
Rebecca 17:32
any sort of constipation. I was
Kiona 17:35
Lovely.
Rebecca 17:35
just… Yeah, because normally plums would do the opposite to me, but at this point, I was just normal.
Kiona 17:44
Yeah, yeah, that’s awesome. I think that’s so great. Plums are also obviously good for you, but they’re delicious.
Rebecca 17:50
Yeah, I needed food that was food and drink at the same time, and I needed them to be not ripe yet, so really sour. And I just ate a whole lot of sour plums.
Kiona 18:03
not a challenge to come by when you’re just like, oh, okay, I’m just gonna go and get a bunch of these plums, the real hard ones.
Rebecca 18:09
Exactly, but then the season ran out, and there were no plums to buy anymore, and I panicked, and I was like, what am I gonna eat now?
Kiona 18:20
For sure. Gosh, what was your alternative? Did you…
Rebecca 18:22
Oh, I tried mandarins and apples and nothing quite… Nothing quite. Cut it, but it was still food that was also drink, so…
Yeah.
Kiona 18:37
So, Tell me a little bit about what your family was thinking when you decided that you were going to start making a baby by yourself. Support of a donor.
Rebecca 18:49
Yeah, they were, I guess, shocked, not. They were really supportive. It was quite a weird sort of thing. Like, I felt weird to bring it up, but then they actually were like, whoa, okay, that’s interesting. But, sort of, I think, maybe in their head, thought, maybe nothing would come of it at that point. Like, that there’s a possibility it wouldn’t work or whatever, so no one was completely invested. And then, when it happened quite quickly, and I said, look, it’s worked. It’s worked. I think everyone was just excited, because they were like, well, if you don’t do this, you might not end up having kids, and everybody, you know, your parents want grandchildren. they were like, yeah, cool. And then, when it was twins, everyone was a mixture of, like, what? And just, sort of, laughing about it, because they were like, of course it is. Like, you’re ridiculous. Of course you’re going about this in a weird way, and then it’s twins, like, you couldn’t do anything by halves. This is, this is funny.
Kiona 20:03
Yes.
Rebecca 20:03
Yeah.
Kiona 20:04
Oh, man.
Rebecca 20:05
Of course you couldn’t just do everything normal like everyone else.
Kiona 20:09
Right. Normal’s boring, though. Let’s not be normal.
Rebecca 20:13
Yeah.
Kiona 20:15
Okay, that’s great. It sounds like you had some decent support still, even though they were like, you’re being silly, but
Rebecca 20:20
Yeah,
Kiona 20:21
hey.
Rebecca 20:21
I had, I had a wonderful support system. Uh, my family’s awesome, and my friends are awesome. So,
Kiona 20:28
I love that so much. So, let’s dive a little bit further back into your pregnancy. So, you were still nauseous all the time. around what time did you get the feeling that something was wrong?
Rebecca 20:41
Right. So, the pregnancy at the beginning was all going really well. so in New Zealand, everybody generally has a midwife. You don’t always have an obstetrician, if you have twins, you get given an obstetrician as well, which is through the public system. So, you don’t have to pay. you also don’t pay for your midwife. I don’t know if it’s different there. But, I had a midwife and an obstetrician, and I had scans a little bit more regularly than if you were just pregnant with one. so the second little bit of the pregnancy, second trimester, I went pretty well, everything was going fine, I mostly just visited my midwife, she did Dopplers and all the rest of it, and everything was going and then every appointment that I had, there seemed to be a little that would then get checked up on again, and they would remove that issue, but give me a new one, and there was always just sort of something that wasn’t quite right, and then I had one that more serious than the others, where they thought in the ultrasound that one of the babies had a amniotic band, wrapped around his and my midwife had rung me to say, look, this is happening, don’t Google it, of course you’re gonna Google it, she said, don’t Google it, but, um, you are going to need to fly to Christchurch, so, Dunedin is in the bottom half of the South Island, Christchurch is sort of halfway, three quarters of the way up, and has a better fetal medicine, department, and so anything that’s a little bit more specialised, they will send you to Christchurch for certain things, so that you get the um, they said, um, they said, you’re gonna need to fly to Christchurch to get this, uh, looked at by don’t panic, of course you I was allowed to take somebody with me, so I asked my sister if she would come with me, so flew up to Christchurch with me, and I learnt that it was not an amniotic band at all and the babies were absolutely fine, so it was the first time that I’d had an issue being taken away, but not being given a new issue, and I was like, yay, this is so exciting, how wonderful, I had about a week of being like, everything’s going well, everybody’s healthy, everything’s great, and then woke up in the morning to go and get ready for work, and I stood up out of my bed, and some liquid poured down my leg, and I was like, did I just, did I just pee myself, like, what just happened, could that be a thing, and then I was like, that was weird, didn’t really think it was anything too serious, which was foolish, but I knew that I needed to contact the midwife, but it was, it was like, six o’clock in the morning, and I didn’t want to annoy her, afterwards, she yelled at me for this, um, and I, and I got up, and I went and had a shower to get ready for and I came out of the shower, and noticed that the liquid was still coming out, and I thought, I need to ring my midwife, so I rang my midwife, and she said, you need to go down to the hospital, and said, you need to go down to the hospital, I’ll meet you there, don’t drive, get somebody else to drive I’ll meet you there in half an hour. And I was like, oh, okay, so I rang my friend, who I knew, uh, wasn’t working that day, and she came and picked me up, and took me to the hospital, and I got there, and she gave me an exam, and realized that my waters had broken with one of the babies. they were dye-dye twins, where they’ve got a separate sac, separate placenta, um, and my waters had broken, and she told me that I can’t go home again, so.
Kiona 25:01
How far along in your pregnancy were you?
Rebecca 25:03
I was 24 weeks.
Kiona 25:06
24 weeks, and one of the babies’ water is broken.
Rebecca 25:09
Yep.
Kiona 25:11
What’s going through your head after you figured that out?
Rebecca 25:13
I felt quite stressed, I thought, does that mean that I’m going to deliver these babies today? can they live at this point? I asked the midwife if it was possible to deliver one twin, but keep the other one inside, because I didn’t know if that was a thing or not. I was like, what is going on? It was pretty stressful. And I was stressed that I couldn’t come home again. She’s like, you can’t go home. And I was like, do you mean today? And she’s like, I mean, probably until the babies are born. And which was pretty stressful. And I thought about, you know, the stupidest things like, but I don’t have any things, but my house is a mess, I forgot to feed the cat this morning. You know, all of these silly things that are completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of it all, you know. my friend
said, okay, I’ll go home and I’ll pack you some stuff because you’re, you know, you’re staying in hospital. And let’s just see how it plays out. And you just have to deal with whatever happens. so I stayed the night in the hospital and late at night, they told me, or maybe it was first thing in the morning. They told me that I was going to need to be transferred. So, Dunedin hospital is great. it’s got a good NICU here, but it’s not very big. so they realized that if I was to deliver my babies at 24 weeks, they didn’t have the space to be able to have two 24 weekers go in there at the moment. And so they were like, we need to transfer you. they would naturally try and transfer you to Christchurch, but Christchurch didn’t have any space either. So they transferred me to Wellington, which is in the North Island. I don’t know if you know much about the geography of New Zealand. There’s, you know, South Island, North Island, uh, Wellington’s like, yeah, at the bottom of the North Island and Dunedin sort of, in the lower part of the South Island. So it’s a decent distance. So they told me that they said, you know, you’re leaving in a couple of hours. Uh, you can take somebody with you. If you have somebody that can go with you, and you need somebody to pack your bags. So got my friend that had dropped me at the hospital to go to my house on a video call and go through all of my stuff and put a bunch of stuff in a bag for me. And bring it back for me. And I my mom and asked her if she would be able to come with me, which was probably pretty scary for her as well. And then we flew to Wellington
Kiona 28:06
when you flew to Wellington, did you take like a special flight directly from one hospital to the other? Or did you like have to go through the airport and everything?
Rebecca 28:14
Well, it’s actually a funny, I say funny. It wasn’t funny at the time. I should have taken a medical flight with multiple medical staff on board in case I went into labor, in the air, but instead, the hospital sort of stuffed up and they put us on a random little plane that had a pilot and me and my mom no medical staff. And it wasn’t a medical flight. and because we were all just in this sort of rushed, stressed kind of headspace, we didn’t really think much of it until we were actually in the air. and both mom and I thought something’s not right here, but we didn’t tell the other one because we didn’t want the other one to freak out. so we individually freaking out without telling the other person. and we both did that thing where you are trying to think of anything but that. And we had the most ridiculous, hilarious conversations. mum started talking about random stories from when she was younger that I’d never heard before. And we laughed because the pilot, so we’re in the same bit as the pilot. It was this tiny plane and we were there and the, the pilot was like a meter in front of us, just letting the plane fly itself. He was eating an apple. He was like Snapchatting people, the scenery. It was a really beautiful day and the scenery was amazing. And he was like, you could see he was on Snapchat and we’re like, this is ridiculous. Anyway, so we landed, everything was fine. Thankfully we landed and there was an ambulance there to, meet So we’d taken an ambulance from Dunedin Hospital to this plane, but then just pretty much got, sped out and sent on our way, and then when we arrived, there was an ambulance to pick us up, and they were like, where’s the staff? And we were like, yeah, there wasn’t any staff.
The flight was about two hours, just under two hours, maybe an hour and 45, kind the ambulance took us to the hospital, and then we got to the hospital, and they were like, where is your staff for the handover? And we were like, there is a diddy staff. And they were like, what? You’re joking. And then, so anyway, just to go slightly off topic, they made a big complaint and suggested we did the same. So we also complained, and Dunedin Hospital has since given me a written apology and all the rest of it, and there was a major error by somebody that was working that day. that is not normally what happens. there was just a major mistake was made. Anyway, it worked out fine. I got to Wellington Hospital, I got settled into a and they sort of explained
What would happen going to be a little bit and what would happen to be a little bit. What would happen going What all of it looks like? What it would look like if I was to deliver it 24 weeks? Somebody came to explain to expect if I do have babies now? And what the plan is, and what the plan is, and what the plan is for my time there. And pretty much the plan is to keep them in as long as physically possible, They gave me tours around the NICU up there, and introduced me to lots of different staff. I had regular ultrasounds to make sure Twin B had enough fluid in his sac. So it was just slowly, slowly leaking the entire time. I learned quite a lot because I didn’t actually realize that they continue to the fluid. I wasn’t even aware that that was a thing. So he was making it, and it was coming out of me at the same time constantly, which was also very weird. then I lived in the hospital. I wasn’t on bed rest or anything. I was allowed to walk around. I was allowed to go down to the cafe or the TV room or whatever wander pretty much straight away. And then after I was there for a couple of weeks, they said I can go out of the hospital if I as long as I’m within, like, 10 minutes getting back there. thankfully it worked out well that my mum was semi-retired at the time. So she could stop work and come up there with for as long as I needed, which was great. New Zealand’s got charitable trust, I think it called Ronald McDonald which I think you heard about in Maddie and Macca’s episode as well. It’s different in every city. So the one in Wellington is actually, it’s gorgeous. It’s actually like a hotel. It’s directly across the road from the hospital. It’s a hotel. My mum was allowed to live there while I was in hospital, which was amazing. It was completely free. She had like a hotel room and then there was a big kitchen where you could cook your own meals. when I was allowed to start leaving the hospital, I could go over and visit her there and, you know, watch TV in her room and feel slightly more normal, like I wasn’t in a hospital. And we started to cook meals together and things because the hospital food was really bad. Really, really bad. But I’m like, I just want to, you know, put some proper nutrients in my body, but this food is horrendous. I’m celiac as well, so the food was even worse for me than it was for everyone else. everyone else. so we started cooking our meals and, like, we went out for lunch and stuff. So it wasn’t actually all bad. It was just very weird. And being in a different I didn’t have my friends being able to visit or anything like that. And I just lived in hospital for nine weeks.
Kiona 34:37
Yeah, man, so much to unpack there because, first, the staff not being on the flight
Rebecca 34:44
Oh,
Kiona 34:44
is-
Rebecca 34:45
that’s so bad.
Kiona 34:45
So mind-boggling to me because you’re high risk.
Rebecca 34:50
So high risk.
Kiona 34:51
High risk as you are traveling. So, hope someone got in trouble for that.
Rebecca 34:57
Yeah, someone definitely got in trouble for that. And, Mom and I had a big debrief about it afterwards because we could finally breathe and go, oh, my God. I realized as soon as we went out, both of us realized that something was wrong. And I don’t know why our brains hadn’t gone there prior taking off. But it wasn’t until we were in the air that we sort of thought about it. And I thought, if I’m going to go into labor in the air, there’s a pilot who’s not medically trained. There’s potentially two 24-week is about to be born. Both babies and the mom in this situation could be in a really bad state. And my mom, who’s not even slightly equipped to deal with any of it, would have to witness all of it. Like, the whole thing was horrendous. They even, the only thing they told me, this is so bad, the ambulance person that dropped us off at this plane pretty much gave me, he gave me, like, a bag that if I needed to pee on the flight, I could pee into it. And mom and I laughed because on the whole thing. So I was like, where exactly would I just be doing that in front of the pilot, just in the middle of this? Like, what? And that’s the only thing that they sort of gave. And I thought, what about if these babies come out? Are you going to give us anything else? Or…
Kiona 36:29
Right.
Rebecca 36:29
Just if you need to go to the toilet, here’s a bag. What?
Kiona 36:34
Yeah, that’s so
Rebecca 36:35
It’s
Kiona 36:35
absurd.
Rebecca 36:36
so bad.
Kiona 36:37
so you’re going through this, you land, obviously there is a wrong decision that was
Rebecca 36:43
to…
Kiona 36:43
made I don’t know if anybody with you. But to hear that you were taken care of so well there, I think is really awesome, actually. And going there, getting put into a room, and Realizing to just prep to be there for a long time.
Rebecca 36:59
Yeah.
Kiona 37:00
The goal.
Rebecca 37:01
That’s the goal. So, yeah. That was very weird to get my head around. The fact that the best case scenario here is to live in this hospital for a really long time. That was very, very hard to get my head around. Like, the thought of that was awful. And I was like, you’ve got to get your head around that, because that is what we want here. That is the best case scenario. Is that you are living here for like three months. Like, that’s wild. and they… give you the steroid injections. so that if the babies do come, their lungs are stronger, and things like that. So I that sort of stuff, so I had that sort of stuff, and then I had scans every… I think it was three days, and blood tests every… Two or three days, just to make sure there was no infection, and… That’s about all I had to do. And then I just was loitering around this hospital like a weirdo for… It was a really long time. I like, friendly with a lot of the staff, because I was a long-term person, when normally they’d have somebody come in for, say, a day or two, and then go off have the baby. Yeah, so I also had lots roommates. I had a room that two beds, and I had multiple roommates that came and went. one of them was amazing, and I still keep in contact with her now. She was the first roommate that I had, and… I was actually just texting her the other day about how… It was like I was given the right person to be in there at the right time. She really, really helped me. But she was only in there for, I think, two days, and then she had her wee girl. and she- was in the NICU there and she lived across the road at Ronald McDonald House so she’d come and visit me and we’d see each other some more. So she also was out from out of town. She was from Christchurch and had been transferred to Wellington so didn’t have friends there either so it was very fitting and she sort of got me through those first couple of days of a lot of stress. And it was really good to have somebody to talk to who was awesome.
Kiona 39:22
Yeah,
Rebecca 39:24
she was awesome. And then everyone after that was not awesome.
And but it was interesting, like, it kind of kept you going, mum and I would chat about the people that were there. It kind of kept me going to sort of- Talk about them in a funny sort of way. Like, there were some real characters.
Kiona 39:43
Right, yeah.
Rebecca 39:44
So, that was good. And then I eventually got my own room the staff were like, if gets to have their own room, it’s Rebecca. Let’s- help her. and yeah, a lot of the staff would, like, come in and say, can I eat my lunch in here? The staff room’s Can I hang out with you while I eat my sandwich? And I’m like, absolutely. And they’d come in and chat and, you know, we all got to know each other quite well, which was good. They were kind of my, like, friends at the time because I didn’t have my real friends.
Kiona 40:14
Right. Absolutely helped with your mental health a little bit.
Rebecca 40:17
Absolutely.
Absolutely helped.
Kiona 40:21
Before we dive more into your mental health, let’s actually talk about the birth. So, what was the birth like? You were there for nine weeks, so that means that You birthed your twins at 33 weeks.
Rebecca 40:32
Yeah, so what actually happened was, so, so I was in Wellington and then I got my head around the fact that I was going to have these babies here.
And then, um, and they came in and said, there’s space opened up in Dunedin. You are going to be flying back to Dunedin this afternoon. And, although I wanted to have them in Dunedin because, you know, I could then go and be at home and go into the NICU and be sort of still trapped here and I’d be around my own friends and family. Because I’d sort of talked myself into being in the right place. I’d decided they were the best, doctors in the country. And I was like, this is the right place. This is where my kids are going to have the best chance. And because I’d had such a negative experience with the plane situation, I’d sort of gone like, ugh, Dunedin and yay, Wellington. and I’d become close with all of these people. So, I’d meet all the people that would be in the delivery room with me. obviously my midwife that I’d had throughout my pregnancy couldn’t be there. And I’d got my head around that as well. and then when they told me this, I was like, what? Like, I was excited, but I was also a little sort of upset about it because I’d, know, changed your mindset. Anyway, so I flew back to Dunedin. Hilariously, the complete opposite flight situation to the first one. and at this point I was 33 weeks I was much more stable. The babies probably weren’t going to come today. And I was given a full medical flight with multiple medical staff. It was, exactly what I should have had the last time. and it was great. and yeah, so I flew back on that and then got put into Dunedin hospital in a room with four beds.
Kiona 42:41
Um,
Rebecca 42:42
and then I was there for, I think about five days. And then I started having contractions. the contractions started sort of in the afternoon, early evening. I tried to tell the staff and it was weird because I was now with all these staff I didn’t know. people who didn’t know me at all. I, Contacted my midwife ’cause I was like ‘yay, I’m back in Dunedin, you can’, you when I first got her as my midwife, she was very excited ’cause she’d never delivered twins before. She was reasonably, freshly working as a midwife. but was like a student when she studied midwifery and then, um, so she wasn’t really young. and she was really great, we got on so well. So I was excited to have her back on board, and I rang her up to tell her that things were sort of starting, and she was so I’m so sorry She was excited, and then straight away like ‘I’m so sorry, I’ve just tested positive for COVID’. Oh. And she was absolutely gutted that this had happened, and she’s like ‘I can’t even!’ Ugh.
Kiona 44:00
Even if she wanted to.
Rebecca 44:01
The worst. So anyway, I told the staff that the contractions were happening. No one really took me seriously. They said, like, there’s probably nothing. And then It didn’t feel like nothing, and it seemed like they were
it seemed they were close together, but they weren’t that close together. but it just kept going and going, and I was like “something’s happening. Could you see what’s happening?” And no one would listen to me. Um, and then I’m
I’m quite calm in situations where you perhaps shouldn’t be calm, and I’m probably the opposite in times where you should be calm, and I’m
stressing out about silly little things, but when something matters, I’m like the opposite, which is really weird. I think they just
I don’t know. They didn’t believe me. Anyway, the woman in the bed next to me yelled at one of the nurses for me. Which was amazing. She was like, “Why aren’t you listening to her? Why aren’t you listening to her? Why aren’t you listening to her? She is in pain. She’s been in pain for hours. Why is no one listening? What is going on?” they ended up listening and bringing in the, the machines to see what was going on, and they were like, “Okay, yeah, things are happening.” So they took me into a birthing room. the plan at this point was to give me a c-section. the plan was sort of left very of open-ended
till later on. I one twin who was head and the other twin wasn’t. So it had been talked about what can happen is that you can birth the first one and the other now that it’s got space to move, it can and also be head down and you can have both of them like that. But what can quite often happen is that you end up birthing one, vaginally and then having to have a c-section for the other one, which to me was the worst case scenario. I was like, “Yuck. that is horrible.” the point of having them naturally is that the recovery is better, and all the rest of it. But I’m not doing both. Like, I don’t want the recovery from both. That is awful. so they’d actually given me a planned c-section date in like two weeks from then. I had
I’d officially been given a date, and then that was the day that I started having contractions. so they said “we are planning to have a c-section. However, so this was the middle of the night at this point, um, when we finally got there. They said, um, we’re going to have a c-section, but we’d like to wait for the day staff, which come on at
so we’re going to wait until eight o’clock in the morning, because we’ve got more staff on. we’re better equipped to do it. The worst, right? So I was like
Kiona 47:02
“you’re rubbing my temples like
oh, gosh, if this isn’t saying, hey, let’s schedule for convenience”
Rebecca 47:10
so they wanted to schedule for convenience. In the meantime, it’s 2am and contractions hurt. And I was like
Am I gonna have to do this all night for no real reason because we’re gonna have a C-section? Like, if I was doing all of this to have them naturally, I understand, but that is not what’s happening. So why are doing this? This is silly. But anyway, at this point, I had my friend, I’d rung my friend because she was going to be there for the and she had come in. I’d said, look, don’t hurry. probably gonna give me a C-section in the morning. I don’t know what’s gonna happen overnight or whatever. she had actually said to one of them, like, why are we putting her through this pain when completely unnecessary? or actually, at that point, they hadn’t actually told me they were waiting for the day stuff. They were keeping that a secret. They hadn’t said that. she was like, why are you making her do both things? Why are you making her suffer through these contractions that look awful? When you’re just gonna take the babies out anyway? Why aren’t we just taking them out? Like, what’s going And it was then that they said, we want the day stuff to be on. that was infuriating. And I continued to have contractions closer and closer together more and more intense. they had two CTG straps around because they have to have one for each baby. my contractions were very much in my back and, every time it happened, I couldn’t help really, really arch my back and sort of always, like, twisted my body and arch my back, and I couldn’t stop doing it. And they were getting annoyed with me because every time I did that, monitors would move, and then they’d have to put them back on there, so they were saying, you need to stay still. And I’m like, I can’t stay still, like, I’m trying so hard, and I, I honestly, it’s happening without me even doing it. it was awful, and I was saying, can be in a different position? Could I be somewhere else? Can I be on my hands and knees? But it was too hard with the, the two monitors on me, that they’re like, we really need you to just be on your back.
Kiona 49:23
So
Rebecca 49:24
that was hard. we keep doing this, and then, they realized that Twin B, who was the one that that had the lack of fluid, started going into distress, and they realized that they needed to give me an emergency C-section. So everybody rushed in and took me away, and annoyingly, because they were waiting for eight o’clock for all the day stuff, and annoyingly, this happened right at the end of the night shift. So I got the night shift people at the end of their shift, which really annoyed me. I was like, could we not have done this, like, eight hours ago, ten hours ago, five hours ago, any amount of hours ago? Um, because obviously the contractions were getting harder to deal so they took me for an emergency C-section. It would have been, quarter to seven in the morning. and that was pretty alarming. There were a lot of people. there were 20 staff in my C-section. so they have six staff for each baby. And then six for me, and then threw in a couple of extras for good measure. So there were 20 people. It was pretty alarming. I just went into this room, and I’m completely naked And you just go in there, and there’s bright lights, and 20 people in scrubs, which was pretty alarming. so they needed to give me a spinal where you have to stay completely still while they put that in your spine. And I couldn’t stay still, so I was pretty stressed about that. Every contraction, I was like, can you do it between contractions? And they’re like, probably not. You need to be able to stay still. And I was like, actually, like, I can’t. And then in my head, I was like, cool, now I’m going to get paralyzed. Because I can’t stay still while they put this needle in my spine. What is going to happen? And so I had to sit on the side of the bed with my feet dangling off. Staying completely still while they put this needle in. And I couldn’t stay still, and I was in such a panic about it. And then this random, I think she was a nurse. This random woman who I hadn’t met before, just came up and completely saved the day. She put her head right at my ear, and she held onto my shoulders and my head and, like, hugged me. I remember it so clearly. she just started talking so softly in my ear. And she, I don’t even know what she said, but whatever she did calmed my whole body right down. She was incredible. And she just talked me through relaxing my whole body. And I managed to do it, and they got the spinal in. And the instant relief was, ugh. It was amazing. The pain just stopped, and I was like, oh, thank God. Oh, this is amazing. And then I laid down, and they put the curtain up, the C-section. my friend was with me, she was sitting up by my head, and trying to distract me, and kind of talk about nothing, so that I wasn’t thinking about everything that was happening. It was a very, very weird experience. it felt like, this is gonna sound ridiculous, but it felt to me like I was being mauled by lions, like, I could feel them me, but I couldn’t, feel any pain. It was the most bizarre feeling.
Kiona 53:29
Of pressure and tugging.
Rebecca 53:30
So much.
Kiona 53:31
About the pain.
Rebecca 53:32
I felt like it was like, brrrr, brrrr, brrrr, that’s what it felt like to me, in my body, but I, I guess they were trying to do things extremely quickly, there were two babies, one was having a hard time, everything was like, brrrr, it felt very chaotic, um, but there was no pain, um, it was just very bizarre, um, and I also had, a weird, um, so my arms were while it was happening, and I started this very weird, like, shaking, and my friend was like, is this normal, like, to all the stuff, and they’re like, yeah, some people do that. it’s totally fine, it’s the drugs that are in her system and making her shudder like that, and we sort of just, of laughed about it, because I didn’t know. I was like, this is so weird, I’m shaking, I’m shaking, you’ve just kind of got to ride it out. So, here I am, trying to chat away to her while I’m shaking, like I’m having some sort of weird fit, or, like I’m shivering, it was like shivering, kind of.
Kiona 54:36
That is definitely normal, I’ve seen that happen as well, during cesarean sections,
Rebecca 54:40
Nobody tells you about it prior, though, so at the time, you’re like, what is going on with my body, why is this happening? And people don’t know, so I feel like it’s something that’s good to talk about. It’s good to talk about these things so that people sort of know what to expect, that if that happens, don’t freak out. It was very bizarre.
Kiona 55:02
what happens once the babies are born.
Rebecca 55:04
Right, so they twin B out, who then became one. It was very confusing. So they named them A and B, depending on where they in your as to who would be birthed first. And then they did a switch, because the guy that was having a hard time got birthed first, so he ended up being, twin one. I didn’t even see him. They rushed him over to the corner. I could hear people doing things to but I couldn’t see anything that was happening. And then I heard a little squeak. He actually sounded like, he sounded like a little kitten. He made a funny little squeak. It wasn’t a proper cry. It was like a kitten noise. I was like, is that a baby to Nicole? And she was like, yeah, one of them’s out. I’ll go check. Everything’s all right. Like, they didn’t communicate very well. Anyway, um, she went over, and they were like, yeah, he’s good, but he’s, he’s out of here. And they, she came over and said, he’s all good. It’s not a kitten. And we laughed and laughed. It’s a real baby. He’s good. He’s cute. We’re good. And then he was taken out. They didn’t even show me him, which was pretty hard. So he was taken out of the room with his group of staff. And then the second baby came out. They took him over to the corner. He cried. and I said, can I like, it looked like they were about to leave the room with him as well, but just walking past me without recognition. And I was like, can I see him? Like, can I see him? And they sort of. Grabbed him and brought him over and was like, here you go, and I saw his face. I didn’t get to hold him. I saw for a very short amount of time And then they took him away as well. And it was very, you sort of have in your head, you know, you give birth and then you hold them and you instantly have that skin to skin all the rest of it. And that wasn’t how it played out. but that’s okay. So then they took him away and then they said to Nicole, you can either go with the babies or you can stay And she looked at me and I said, go, go with the babies. So she went with the babies and then I was like, that’s weird. My friend got to meet them before me, which is really weird. Cause it’s not like it’s your partner or your husband or whatever that gets to meet them. It was, uh, my friend, which is, is cool. I’m happy for her to meet them, but I was like, this is So she went with the babies and I stayed there and they finished sewed me up and then took me to recovery.
Kiona 57:44
And about your cesarean, did they end up taking the cysts at the same time?
Rebecca 57:49
No. So, that was, um, that was in this sort of plan for, if it was a planned C-section, they were going to try and do that. So it was on the list. Like, if you can do that, that would be really cool. they made a call at the time that it wasn’t a good idea. I’d lost too much during the C-section and it was just going to prolong the surgery time and also make me lose more blood. and, they decided it wasn’t safe to do so. So they didn’t. And then the babies were in the NICU and once I recovered, they took me down there to meet them. one of the babies I could hold straight away, they took him out of his wee incubator and passed him to me. And I got to have a real wee moment with him and the other guy, I wasn’t allowed hold him for a bit. That
Kiona 58:42
baby B, er,
Rebecca 58:43
Yeah.
Kiona 58:44
but twin one.
Rebecca 58:45
Um, yeah. We ended up calling them A2 and B1 at this point before they had names. yeah. So B1. had to have the CPAP. to help him with his breathing and he had various other things going
Kiona 59:01
at any point, uh, concern that he may not make it.
Rebecca 59:05
No.
Kiona 59:06
It was more of just maintaining him
Rebecca 59:08
It
Kiona 59:08
and.
Rebecca 59:08
was, he was, they were pretty good. He just needed a little bit extra to what’s the other one did.
Rebecca 59:14
They didn’t have names for a few days. didn’t seem quite right to give them a name before I’d properly hung out with them. I had a revolving top five while I was pregnant, but I wanted to wait until I met them before choosing it. The middle names were a wee bit easier, though, as I knew that I wanted to include my brother’s name. He was stillborn. His name was Thomas James, and I named my boys Nico Thomas and Murphy James.
Kiona 59:43
So what were your feeding options? Did you decide to breastfeed or did you formula feed, bottle feed, breast milk?
Rebecca 59:49
while I was pregnant and thinking about it, and especially while I was up in Wellington, they talked, you know, like the lactation person will come and talk to you about what your plans are and what you need to do leading up or how you can go about it. I was not either way. I thought I would try to breastfeed, but probably just sort of in the beginning, especially if they were preem. they told me that there was good bacteria they get from the breast milk that they really need when the. Prem, if you can give but otherwise, you know, like, so if you wanted to breastfeed for say a month and then bottle, that would be fine or whatever. So I was sort of open to it, but I also come from a family of people who aren’t very good at breastfeeding. my mom bottle fed us. And then my sister also bottle fed her three girls and so I knew we perhaps aren’t very good at it. And so my ideas of it happening was sort of like, maybe it could, maybe it won’t like, we’ll just play flat by air and see what happens. Um, I thought I would eventually be bottle feeding them just because ease of having two babies without another person that can pass you things and pass you the baby and all the rest of it I thought that that would be easier. And with people visiting people like to help. And if you can give them a baby with a bottle, It would make life easier so I thought that that would probably be, if I did breastfeed it wouldn’t be for any great length of time but then I’d give it a whirl. Anyway they tried to get, so I was up in the ward and the babies were in the NICU and they wanted to come and get some colostrum to get an orderly to then take down to give to the babies and I couldn’t get anything out. they got a lactation person to come and well, essentially milk me. Which is always very fun. they tried that for a really long time and I think we got something like .1 mil after like an hour. So that’s not enough for two babies. they gave the tiny little bits. That I could get, they took it down and gave it to and we did this for a couple of days. Trying to get it, trying to get it, trying to get it. And they keep saying look you’ll wake up in the morning, you go home, have a sleep, do these things, you’ll wake up and your milk will have come in. And it never happened. My milk never turned up. So after a couple of days of this, the lactation person said look are you really dead set on my Um, breastfeeding. Um, breastfeeding or does it not bother you too much? And I said, does it really bother me? And she said, I think unless your milk does come in in the next few days, I think you should just sort of give Um, so I just gave up. Um, so I just gave up and the milk never turned up. So I essentially wasn’t getting anywhere. It was never going to work out like that
Kiona 1:03:05
Tell me a little bit about, how your mental health state was after having two preemie babies.
Rebecca 1:03:13
I think at that the gestation that I got to was really impressive compared to the potential for 24 week or, and like each week things got better and better. Um, so I sort of, once I got past about 30, 31 weeks, I started feeling quite positive about it. Um, because I was like, we’re sort of out in the clear now. Um, I think to other people that would seem quite prem. But to me that seemed like a good gestation to get to considering the circumstances. So to get to 33 weeks was sort of not, it wasn’t alarming how prem they were really. It was more like, yeah, they’re going to be okay. so I was happy, but also alarmed with how little they were too, because I had’nt really been around any little, little babies before. and I always find newborns a bit weird and little, and I don’t really know what to do with them because I’m a bit like, oh yeah, so little. So to have like that, but like properly little, I was a bit, ooh, don’t know what to do with you.
Kiona 1:04:24
what was their weight?
Rebecca 1:04:26
they were, four pounds. So 1,880 grams, and the other one was 1,885, I think. Something like that. Very similar in weight. yeah, 1.8 kilos. just slightly over four pounds. and there was only a little bit of, there was only like 50 grams difference between the two of them.
Kiona 1:04:49
Yeah, I mean, I actually think that it’s good that they stayed similar in size knowing that one was with less water for so long. so I think that that’s actually pretty cool that they were similar in
Rebecca 1:05:01
Yeah,
Kiona 1:05:01
size.
Rebecca 1:05:01
yeah, it is very cool,
Kiona 1:05:02
Yeah.
Rebecca 1:05:03
um, and yeah, so I was able to hold him after about two days, I think, and then they could
Kiona 1:05:08
Beautiful.
Rebecca 1:05:09
get them out for me, and that photo that I sent you was one of the first ones of being able to hold both of them at the same time. I remember the first time I did that being, they were like, do you want to hold both? And I was like, how do you even do that? and I’m like, you’re gonna have to figure it out, because you’ve got two babies now.
Kiona 1:05:28
Rebecca, I think that that is truly amazing. Your story is so amazing. I want to touch on a little bit of your postpartum, and then I want to dive into the three final closing it comes to postpartum, what did it look like for you when you were finally back home?
Rebecca 1:05:42
so the boys were the NICU for about three and a half weeks, which actually was a bit of a godsend, because I could recover from my C-section a little bit before actually bringing them home. I could come home have full night’s sleep, which is really nice that’s happening, but obviously you’ve still got the stress of your babies being in hospital and having to go in and see them in a really impersonal way. when I finally got to bring them home, it was very exciting. I got my dad’s, oh, sorry, I’ll go back slightly. So when my midwife, tested positive for COVID, it wasn’t like main COVID times, we just had another little bit of a wave of it in Dunedin. And so made the rules a bit more strict at the hospital. You were only allowed to have person as your birthing partner. And that person also needed to be the same that was allowed to go into the NICU. And it had to remain the same person the whole time, which was really hard when it’s not a partner or something. so my friend Nicole was in there for the birth. I would have had my sister, but she lives in a different part of the South Island, which is about a two and a half hour drive. So she wasn’t able to get here in time. but she drove up as soon as she could and then arrived not long after the babies were born and obviously wanted to come in and meet these babies, but couldn’t. So I got them to allow the change between Nicole and my sister. So she got to come in and, and meet the boys and stuff. And then She went to stay at my parents’ house that night and my mom tested positive for COVID.
Kiona 1:07:22
I don’t
Rebecca 1:07:22
So
Kiona 1:07:23
Oh
Rebecca 1:07:23
then
Kiona 1:07:23
no.
Rebecca 1:07:23
my sister wasn’t allowed to come back in either. And then also my mom was out and I was like, oh my goodness, this is
Kiona 1:07:31
Yeah.
Rebecca 1:07:32
So then they did allow Nicole to tap back in and then I had my friend there, but it was really weird cause I didn’t have any of my family. they couldn’t come in and meet the babies. So I had to like video call them even though we’re in the same town. that was pretty weird. And then my sister was like, well, I might as well go back to Bluff. So and then as soon as my mom started testing negative, I asked again if I could swap her out for Nicole and they felt really bad for me. So they allowed it. I ended up with mom, but then obviously dad was itching to meet these babies. So I got get my dad to help me bring them home from the hospital. So he came in
Kiona 1:08:11
Mm.
Rebecca 1:08:11
with the car seats and, helped me bring them home. And was waiting at home. lit the fire and made the house all warm and toastie everything, which was really and we got home and my stayed for the first night. and then just left me to it.
Kiona 1:08:30
Yeah.
Rebecca 1:08:31
Um, we’d sort of talked about it. had said to her that I don’t want too much help in the beginning. That’s not going to carry on. I don’t want to rely on it. Um, I want to figure out how I do this by myself because that is how this is. I have to do it by myself. And we hadn’t talked about her just staying one night, but she just did. And then I was like, um, okay, all right, I suppose I’ve got this. But I had the safety of knowing that she is a 10-minute drive away. If I was in a panic and needed to ring her, she would have come back. But I never needed to, and I am quite determined, I suppose, to do things, by myself and my own way. to, I guess, maybe prove some people wrong that maybe expected that I was going to need, I don’t know,
Kiona 1:09:18
Right.
Rebecca 1:09:19
to go and move in with my family or something for the help. I was determined to do it by myself. And so I sort of hit the ground running, put in a lot of effort, put in a lot of effort to try and keep them on the same schedule feed and change and do all of those things at the same time to try get get enough sleep myself so that I didn’t go crazy. and it just somehow worked. And it was all right. It wasn’t as scary as I thought, I think.
Kiona 1:09:47
That
Rebecca 1:09:48
amazing.
Kiona 1:09:48
actually sounds truly amazing. Like, I do understand the concern of, oh my gosh, mom, you only stayed one night. Like, ugh. you are so correct in it needs to kind of just be
Rebecca 1:10:01
I need to figure it out.
Kiona 1:10:02
exactly what it’s going to be. Yeah. Like, you have to figure it out. So, I think that that is really amazing. And, I mean, I just met you, but I’m proud of you.
Rebecca 1:10:12
Hmm.
Kiona 1:10:13
Raising two twins on your own, especially in the immediate postpartum time, of course, while knowing that the support of your family is like just one phone call away. Yeah. But you had to really dig deep and push through and say, but probably do a lot of mental self-talk saying, like, this is what we wanted. I have my boys. Here I am. There’s no other choice but to do it.
Rebecca 1:10:38
Yeah,
Kiona 1:10:38
So,
Rebecca 1:10:38
Yeah.
Kiona 1:10:38
let’s do
Rebecca 1:10:39
Yeah,
Kiona 1:10:39
it.
Rebecca 1:10:39
that’s right.
Kiona 1:10:40
Yeah.
Rebecca 1:10:41
You
Kiona 1:10:41
Yeah.
Rebecca 1:10:41
don’t,
Kiona 1:10:41
So,
Rebecca 1:10:41
you
Kiona 1:10:41
I
Rebecca 1:10:42
can’t
Kiona 1:10:42
love
Rebecca 1:10:42
give them
Kiona 1:10:42
that.
Rebecca 1:10:42
back. So there’s no,
Kiona 1:10:43
right
Rebecca 1:10:44
there’s
Kiona 1:10:44
no
Rebecca 1:10:45
no
Kiona 1:10:45
turning back
Rebecca 1:10:45
choice. So
Kiona 1:10:45
now
Rebecca 1:10:45
whenever it was hard, it was kind of I think I’m quite a solution focused kind of person. So if there was something that was hard, I’d be like, right, how am I going to figure it out? How am I going to make it easier? How am I going to do this one hard thing by myself? Cause I don’t have another person. I, couldn’t possibly afford a nanny or anything and my parents have their own lives, and they’re in their seventies as well. They’re not, super young and be, free to be looking after babies at the time or interested in doing that. So I was very much, yeah, determined to do completely by myself and have them as more of a moral support and, uh, let them enjoy being grandparents as well. And be able to visit and cuddle the babies and, you know, have a nice time instead of feeling like they had to actually do some of the parenting, I guess. They didn’t need to do any of that. So I was just pretty good. They were pretty good babies though, to be fair. And also the thing with preemies is that they’re sort of like, they came home and they were still only five pounds. So they were little and kind of docile, I guess. They
Kiona 1:11:54
yeah
Rebecca 1:11:54
were sort
Kiona 1:11:54
yeah
Rebecca 1:11:55
of, um, probably more docile than a normal newborn. So they were sort of, they appeared chill. now as almost three year olds, they’re very much the opposite of chill.
So, um,
Kiona 1:12:08
yes yes
Rebecca 1:12:08
I was saying to someone the other day, I think that the, the baby phase for me, I sort of started out really well. And I hit the ground running. Like I said before, like I good at it. You just had to, well, keep them alive pretty much. You just had to give them these basic needs It wasn’t as hard as everyone’s like, oh, that first stuff’s the hardest, like it’s the hardest. And so once I got through that first, like six months, I was like, I got this. I’m fine. I’m good. then you have toddler boys and you’re
Kiona 1:12:42
that’s a
Rebecca 1:12:43
like,
Kiona 1:12:43
whole
Rebecca 1:12:43
I
Kiona 1:12:43
different
Rebecca 1:12:43
was
Kiona 1:12:43
story yeah
Rebecca 1:12:44
wrong. I was totally wrong. I don’t, I don’t got this.
Kiona 1:12:47
yeah
Rebecca 1:12:48
Yeah.
Kiona 1:12:49
well Rebecca let me go ahead and ask you my final three closing questions let me go ahead and ask you the first question which is if you were to give a piece of advice to anyone that is pregnant preparing for labor birth and postpartum what piece of advice would you give
Rebecca 1:13:04
Maybe Um, probably to have a guide as to how you would like things to play out, but also mentally prepared to be completely not in control and able to accept that, because if you’re really set on your plan and we all a slight thing can take your plan off whack, a very slight thing. And then there’s a million other things that can happen just to be open to it going completely out of your control and then just rolling with it
Kiona 1:13:39
yeah that’s great yeah I think that’s great advice I think that is a parenting at its finest
Rebecca 1:13:43
yes, it’s parenting. And it was also the, like, the whole thing for me was like that. I didn’t plan on having two. So it was already out of my control and then all the pregnancy things. And then the birth was out of my control. And then now I’m not in control either because I have twin toddlers.
Kiona 1:13:58
Yeah. yeah they’re they’re
Rebecca 1:14:00
It
Kiona 1:14:00
gangin
Rebecca 1:14:00
kind
Kiona 1:14:00
up
Rebecca 1:14:00
of
Kiona 1:14:00
on you for
Rebecca 1:14:00
sets you
Kiona 1:14:01
sure
Rebecca 1:14:01
up really well for the, like, actual parenting, I think, when your
Kiona 1:14:05
yeah
Rebecca 1:14:05
pregnancy goes a bit out of whack. It sort of sets you up for just the rest of your life. Go
Kiona 1:14:11
yes
Rebecca 1:14:12
with the flow.
Kiona 1:14:14
for sure the second question that I would like to ask you is what is one resource that that I can share with the listeners on your behalf
Rebecca 1:14:22
a resource I found really helpful everything has, like, a Facebook support group, and I think that they’re really helpful. I joined the Multiples New Zealand Facebook group, and it continues to be incredibly helpful. a lot of questions that you might have, like, for your friends that have older kids, with babies, if there’s two of it’s different. So, you’re asking people that have had one at a time, and the answer they give you, you’re like, that’s great, but it wouldn’t work. And you need those people that have had twins before you to help you. and nobody that’s had one can understand or give some of their advice is alright, but a lot of it, you’re just like, but it wouldn’t work with two. So, that’s been really helpful for me. I think that’s been helpful for me when I’ve had a question to go onto that page and, have a question. Or you look down and realise someone’s asked the exact thing that, you know, That, you know, you want to know. So that’s been really helpful for me. And I think with anything that’s slightly different from the norm, there will be some sort of Facebook group or something like that in whatever country you’re in that can really useful. there’s also a regional one as well of multiples where I’ve met lots of other people around the same area as me that also have twins and have made some really good friends from that. And, had cool play groups and things like that where you get to meet other people with twins who can totally answer your questions. Or even if it’s just to sort of go, ah, what is this? What is going on? This is so hard. And they’re like, I know this is so hard so having those people that, you know, get, get whatever situation you’re
Kiona 1:16:04
Absolutely.
Rebecca 1:16:04
Sorry for making that really lengthy, but
Kiona 1:16:07
No, no, no. I think that that’s good though. Like all of that is so true. And I think it kind of just sums up to be, find your people,
Rebecca 1:16:15
Yeah.
Kiona 1:16:15
ask questions to your people
Rebecca 1:16:17
Yeah.
Kiona 1:16:17
and then, you know, it’ll make your life just a smidgen easier
Rebecca 1:16:22
Yeah.
Kiona 1:16:22
so that you have that resource to turn to. That’s my final question to you, Rebecca, is if you could describe your pregnancy and birth experience with one word, what would it be?
Rebecca 1:16:35
one word’s hard.
Rebecca 1:16:37
My one word would probably be “unpredictable”. it definitely didn’t play out in the way that I’d imagined, and I just kinda had to accept that I had no control over any of it, really. I feel like that did set me up quite well, though, for the parenting part.
Kiona 1:16:54
many people listening will be able to relate to It’s
Rebecca 1:16:56
control.
Kiona 1:16:57
out of
Rebecca 1:16:57
It’s
Kiona 1:16:57
my control.
Rebecca 1:16:58
totally out of
Kiona 1:16:58
Uh,
Rebecca 1:16:58
my control. I had so many
Kiona 1:16:59
yeah.
Rebecca 1:17:00
people while I was in hospitals saying, you’re doing so well at keeping these babies in. And I was like, I’m not doing anything. What am I doing? Like, I’ve got no control over any of this at all. There’s, it’s not like I’m telling my body, keep these babies in. It doesn’t work like that. telling my body. Um, I’m doing well at keeping sane in my own brain. That’s the only thing I could possibly do is to keep sane.
Kiona 1:17:28
Right. But I think that that actually does contribute. So even though it is out of your control to a certain extent, your stress levels truly impact the way that your body responds
Rebecca 1:17:36
Absolutely.
Kiona 1:17:36
to things
Rebecca 1:17:37
absolutely.
Kiona 1:17:37
as well. So if you’re keeping yourself sane and intentionally trying to lower your stress levels, that is contributing.
Rebecca 1:17:43
Yeah. Yeah.
Kiona 1:17:43
But it still doesn’t give you full control,
Rebecca 1:17:46
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Kiona 1:17:46
but it
Rebecca 1:17:47
And
Kiona 1:17:47
contributes for sure.
Rebecca 1:17:49
it’s the same with when you’ve got a newborn or two newborns at home and everybody’s sort of going a little bit crazy. I found it really helpful to, I can’t stop this baby from crying right now, but I can make my own brain feel better. So I’m going to do that instead. And then in turn, it might then come the baby, you know, like you’ve done all the things for the baby, you’ve fed them, you’ve changed them. You’ve danced around the kitchen with them for an hour and nothing’s happening. The only thing that you can do now is to make your own brain happier. So don’t listen to baby music until you absolutely have to listen to the music that makes you happy, you know, and zone out in your own to keep your own mental health good. Cause you’re not good to the baby. If you’ve lost the floor. it was the same, like during pregnancy, the same, like now It will continue to be that way.
Kiona 1:18:47
Yes. I get that. One hundred percent.
Rebecca 1:18:50
it’s kind of a like solution or acceptance sort of thing where if you can find a solution, that’s great. If there isn’t a solution to whatever is going on, then learn to accept it and figure out how to calm your own brain and body and
Kiona 1:19:05
Right. Do
Rebecca 1:19:05
Yeah.
Kiona 1:19:05
what you can. Do what you can.
Rebecca 1:19:08
I’d also really like to add that although I’ve probably sounded very negative about Dunedin hospital, the care that we received in the Dunedin NICU was amazing and so was my midwife Paula. She was fantastic. Uhm, so it wasn’t all bad.
Kiona 1:19:27
Well, Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing your stories on the Birth As We Know It podcast. I am really excited to get this out there. I know that someone’s going to be able to relate to it. People are going to learn from it. And I really, really hope that one day when your boys listen to it, they love it as well. So thank you for sharing.
Rebecca 1:19:45
Thank you. It’s been great.
Outro 1:19:58
Editing this interview was so much fun. It had been quite some time since I actually interviewed with Rebecca. To be honest, it was over a year ago. And Rebecca, I want to tell you directly, thank you so much for your patience. It has been a whirlwind on my side, but I promise you that I really, really, really enjoyed editing this story. And it just brought me back to when we were actually interviewing and all of the laughs that we had between the editing points. So thank you so much for sharing your birth story with me. And to everybody listening, this birth story brought forward so many important points. One of which is listening to your intuition and trusting your gut and going forward with things that can be scary because Rebecca did not plan on having two babies. And initially, she didn’t necessarily want to have babies on her own, but life brought her to the decision of being a single parent by choice. And that ended her with two beautiful baby boys. It’s a great reminder to take life as it comes. And just like she said at the end, it’s out of our control. And whatever we can control is great, but a lot of it we can’t. If you want to see, I’ll see you already. If you want to see the photo of Rebecca holding her baby boys for the first time together, you can head over to BirthAsWeKnowItPodcast.com/94. That is also where you’ll find the show notes to this episode. Thank you so much for tuning in and listening to this episode today. I know it’s been a while since this episode has come out, but please know that there will be more to come. All right, friends. I look forward to talking to you again soon. Bye for now.
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