Description:
In this episode, Morgan shares her preterm birth experience with her son Josiah as well as her birth center birth experience with her son Noah. Both babies ended up in the NICU for different reasons. She also dives into how being an adoptee has impacted how she envisions herself as a mother to her own biological children.
Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only with no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. I, Kiona Nessenbaum, am not a licensed medical professional. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experience of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
Like this episode? Check out Episode 6-Kristin Travis-IUI-Vaginal Birth-Baby Beam-BEarthMate
Resources:
- Morgan Harvey Link Tree: https://linktr.ee/deliciouslydopellc
- Perinatal Support of Washington: https://perinatalsupport.org/
- Postpartum Support International: https://www.postpartum.net
Definitions:
- Fetal Heart Monitoring: Internal & External
- Amnioinfusion
- Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU)
- Anemia In Pregnancy
- Back Labor
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Transcription of Episode 70:
Intro 0:08
Welcome to Birth As We Know It, a podcast that is dedicated to recognizing the many different ways that birth unfolds. I am your host, Kiona Nessenbaum. I have experienced birth as a doula, a student midwife, a birth assistant, and as a mother of three amazing children of my own. After attending over 140 births, I’ve realized that each birth experience is truly unique. So make sure you subscribe and join me as we are guided through many different birth experiences through the lens of the storyteller. Please be aware that some of these stories can be triggering to hear. So feel free to pause, take a breath, and come back and listen whenever you’re ready. With that said, let’s prep ourselves to dive deep and get detailed about what really happens in the birth space.
Disclaimer 1:06
As a reminder, this podcast is intended for educational purposes only and has no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experiences of the storytellers. All medical or health related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
Kiona 1:25
Hey, it’s me again. Really quick. I just wanted to stop in and say thank you so much for listening to the Birth As We Know It Podcast. If it wasn’t for you amazing BAWKI listeners that this podcast would not be where it is today. And I truly appreciate you. So come celebrate with me inside the Birth As We Know It Podcast Community on Facebook. You can do that by going to
birthasweknowitpodcast. com/community. It’s totally free and we are just there together to have conversation and talk about the podcast and become part of a big family. Now before you dive into this episode, I want to say that if you like this episode, consider listening to episode six as well. In episode six, Kristin Travis talks about what it’s like to choose being a single parent and going through intrauterine insemination. All right, let’s dive into this amazing episode today. Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Earth as we Know It podcast Today I have on Morgan Harvey, who is going to be talking to us about her two vaginal birth experiences of Josiah and Noah. Morgan is also a birth doula, a chef as well as a placenta encapsulater. And we will also be touching on how she is an adoptee and how that impacts her parenting. So, Morgan, thank you so much for coming on. How are you doing?
Morgan 2:47
I’m doing well. Thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here as.
Kiona 2:53
Yes, I’m excited to talk because this is you’re wearing a lot of hats. There’s a lot of hats here. let’s go ahead and just dive right in. Let’s talk about your conception process with Josiah. Was Josiah expected? Were you trying tell me all the things.
Morgan 3:07
So Josiah was not affected and no, we were not trying. His father and I were young. We grew up in the same environment, in the same church. His older brother was like my best friend and big brother for me. And so I was going through like a crazy dating process. And one day he was like, Hey, I know someone that you would like. at first I didn’t really take it too seriously, but I got to know him. And he was not the same guy that he was back when I guess I knew him like middle school, high school. So we had tons and tons of fun. He liked to do a lot of stuff. I’m like to be out and about and do things. So, yeah. Josiah is a product of a birthday and it was like the first time, you know, and your parents are always like, It only takes one time. Well, that was that one time. And the crazy thing is I continue to have my period for some time, so I didn’t find out until about Thanksgiving. And so that was interesting. My mom was like, Hey, I need you to go to the store to get some rolls. And while I was out, I ran and I got a pregnancy test. And so it was positive. And I called them and was like, Hey, here we are. And he was excited. He was like, okay, I guess this is what we’re going to do. It was funny because I called him to tell him that, and before I told him he had actually proposed, I was like, He proposed. And then I was like, Well, guess what? Like, I’m pregnant. And he’s like, Well, this is going to be an interesting Thanksgiving. So we kind of went from there. So, yeah, it wasn’t it definitely wasn’t planned, but it was a pretty smooth pregnancy. I would say we didn’t really have too many issues until towards like the end. Life, lifes and stress, you know, does some things to us. And at the time, my ex fiancee was working for NYPD, and then Bloomberg did a huge layoffs and he was part of the layoffs. And so at first it was like, what are we doing for a job? But the real stressor came when they realized that he was still on their payroll. And so now we needed to be taken off for the insurance. And this was like a month and a half. before I was due. And that’s what really I feel like between that and the super heat for Cinco de Mayo, like, I think that those two things really just started for me.
Kiona 5:38
mm. So you ended up going into labor prematurely then
Morgan 5:43
I did, yeah. I went to my like 33 week checkup and I was already like three centimeters dilated. And so they were like, You need to go sit down somewhere. So they go sit down for me was, okay, fine, I’ll just nest. But I was still going up and down stairs doing laundry, trying to get things together. And so 35 weeks on the dot, I kind of like woke up and was like, I think I’m wet? It was like, just very weird. I didn’t really know what to expect. And so I had gone downstairs to talk to my mom and it was like, Hey, I think I’m like, wet? I don’t know, if like, maybe I’m hot. I was like, Everything is just like, I’m everything is sweating. So I don’t know if I’m sweating or like, did my water break? And she’s like, Well, just go change your underwear and see what happens, in a little bit. Well, when they got soaked again, then it was like, okay, well, maybe I should make some phone calls. I still took my sweet time going to the hospital. that was like 6 a.m., like, say, 6:00 in the morning. I didn’t get to the hospital. It’s like 330 in the afternoon because it didn’t really seem emergent, I guess, at the time. And I was like, I and as I’m sitting in the waiting room, that’s when my water breaks and then I start crying and I was like, I feel like I peed my pants. like me being wet with clothes on is just a whole No. So I did not enjoy that at all. And I felt embarrassed. And thankfully, my partner at the time, he was very gracious. He was like, Listen, everyone in here that’s going to happen to like you’re in good company. When I got up and they, like, called me, he like, you know, wrapped a shirt around me because he used of my pants and he was like girls stop worrying, you know, don’t worry about it kind of thing. And then started the longest labor. Of my existence. I remember going in and I was still the same three centimetres by the time that they checked, and they were like, Well, you know, we’ll see what happens overnight. B I was hungry. And of course, you know, hospitals are like, No, you can’t eat when you get in here. And so I pitched a fit.
Kiona 7:48
mm.
Morgan 7:49
I cried.
Kiona 7:50
I would have to.
Morgan 7:51
Yeah, I
Kiona 7:52
Mm
Morgan 7:52
was like, I cried like ugly, cried. And then eventually they’re like, yeah, she’s. She’ll be fine. Let her eat now. And then we’ll just start the clock again in the morning. And it’s like, yes. So I did, you know, hang on to those cravings. It was like a Greek salad and French fries I don’t know what it was, but yeah, that was, that was what I wanted at the time. So, yeah, next morning I still hadn’t done any kind of dilation passed my, you know, coming in at three. So they did start me on Pitocin. And according to my mother, I was probably the quietest person on that floor. She’s like, You walk up and down the floor and there’s like women screaming left and right. You walk in here and you’re just like peacefully rocking on a ball or with every now and then with like a tears streaming down your cheek
the funny thing is the moment they started the pitocin my body kicked in, I had no childbirth education. I had no kind of real conversation other than your typical OB How you doing? You know how you feel and blood pressure, weight, all that kind of stuff. And yeah, I kind of just remember going inside myself and, just vibing out. And it got to a point where now it was like 36, 37 hours in and every time I had a contraction, which they were getting closer together. So I definitely, you know, had done now some progression. But Josiah’s heart rate was plummeting and, you know, once they start tanking along with the contractions, then that’s when, you know, e starts to do a little panic. So, hey, we might have to have a conversation about C-section. And so my partner was like, listen, if there’s one thing I know she doesn’t want, it’s that. So what can we do? And shout out to Dr. Weber Cummings, at St Luke’s Roosevelt, she put on her thinking hat and was like, okay, here’s my Hail Mary. We’ll try one more thing and then we’re going to have to have another kind of conversation. So I said, Okay, fine. By that point in time, he had been moving around, so he already had the internal fetal monitor going on to the top of his head. so she took an I.V. bag and literally squeezed it inside of me. And she was like, I have a feeling that what you’re experiencing is a dry birth or we don’t want to get to that point. And the contractions could just be there’s not enough fluid left as she’s coming down. And so that’s what’s causing his heartbeat to go down. Well, what didn’t you know, probably about 20, 30 minutes later, I’m like, oh, I feel some pressure. And the nurse is like, Yeah, you’re going to feel that. And I’m like, Ma’am, I’m almost been here for two days. I’m telling you that what I’m feeling right now is not what I felt for the last, like, almost 40 hours. Yeah. No, ma’am. Could you please just go get the doctor as she walks out? My mom is like, Are you forreal? Yeah. She goes, and she lifts up the sheet and her eyes get big as golf balls. So she calls my fiancee over the dam. She’s like, Look. And now I’m over here like, Well, what? Like, take a picture. Let me see. Like,
Kiona 11:13
hmm.
Morgan 11:14
what?
Kiona 11:14
Mm
Morgan 11:14
What’s all the fuss down there? And she’s like, Whatever you do, don’t push. And I’m like, What do you mean? She’s like, I see a head. So by this point in time now, mind you, I’ll have to rewind a little bit by about 30 hours. My mom got anxious because of the pain and she’s like, I know you’re in pain. I feel like you should get the epidural. Worst anesthesiologist ever. I wish I knew his name because I would not shout him out to. Okay. Because his bedside manner sucked. Okay. Like contractions. We can’t do anything about that. And they’re over here scaring the crap out of you. Like, don’t move. Or we could potentially paralyze you, like, you know, and all you want to do is move naturally, because it hurts. And he’s like, Well, another one’s going to come, so you might as well stay still and let me just get it over with. That’s how it was. I’m just stop experiencing that pain. So I’ve been walking around with that for like 14 years, just
Kiona 12:19
Wow.
Morgan 12:19
so, yeah, like it was bad. So eventually, yes, the doctor came in. By the time she was all gloved up. And she’s like, I hear we’re ready for a baby now. She lifted up the sheet and Josiah was on the table. I never
Kiona 12:33
Oh,
Morgan 12:33
pushed
Kiona 12:33
my gosh.
Morgan 12:35
you, like,
Kiona 12:35
Wow.
Morgan 12:36
came out, like, on a slip inside, which is technically how it’s supposed to happen. But it was. It was very beautiful. And so she said to when she turned him over, he gave her this look like, What took you so long? And so then that was that. Now I had picked this hospital because they were very, very big on like skin to skin and all this other kind of stuff. Can I tell you, they did not do that at the time. I hope that they’re better at that now. But there was a lot of time between him coming out and eventually me getting to see him where like you don’t know what to do. It’s like hormones are all over the place. And of course, you want to be like, Well, can I see my handiwork, please? Like, after all of this time, you want to see that baby’s face and all of these other things. But of course, they wanted to make sure that he was okay or, you know, all was well. And then I was exhausted. So I fell asleep. And then I remember waking up like 4 hours later and the room was empty. No baby, no nothing. And to be 100% honest, I never got scared of actually, going into labour. I was always scared that my baby was going to be switched or stolen. So for me, I was like, Wherever that baby is, you go, That’s. That’s telling his dad. Like he was like, Oh, yeah, I know. I went down to the nursery. I watched them do this. I watched him do that. I called requesting the nurse like, Hey, eventually they bring him up and now I’m looking at this baby and I’m like, Whose baby is this? He’s got red eyebrows, grey eyes, Took the hat off his head. He’s got a w hairline and a natural mohawk. And he looked like this little cute Asian baby. It was like, who’s baby is this not mine, to be honest, it took me about six months to believe that he was mine. And I attribute that. I think, also to adoption, because when he was born, I realised I was the first person I was really ever related to,
Kiona 14:38
mm mm.
Morgan 14:39
and I didn’t necessarily have a face reference either. So
Kiona 14:45
Right.
Morgan 14:45
I was kind of looking for myself and because he didn’t look like me and he didn’t look like his dad either, it was just hard to really accept for a minute,
Kiona 14:56
Yeah.
Morgan 14:57
you know?
Kiona 14:57
Yeah. That makes total sense. I have a couple of questions.
Morgan 15:02
Sure.
Kiona 15:02
when they noticed that Josiah was just laying on the bed, did things become super chaotic and they were like, oh my God, like, he’s here. And then that’s why skin to skin didn’t happen.
Morgan 15:14
No, because Dr. Cummings, she has a very calm demeanor. So it wasn’t that normal because I’ve been in rooms where it just everything gets fast, fast. But no, I think it was just let’s make sure he’s breathing. You know, they just did the normal measurements and the footprints and the, cleaning them off and all this other kind of stuff beforehand. And it probably wasn’t that long, but it felt like an eternity before I really got a chance to, like, hold them. You know what I mean? His dad got to hold them. My mom got well, everyone got to hold him before I did. And so that was yeah, that’s what I feel like. It felt like that. But initially when he was born, there was nothing that posed any, like, emergent action.
Kiona 16:07
Right. And so this how many weeks were you then at this point. 35 weeks,
Morgan 16:11
- Kiona 16:11
you said.
Morgan 16:12
Yeah. On
Kiona 16:13
Yeah.
Morgan 16:13
the nose.
Kiona 16:13
So since you were premature at 35 weeks, did they give you any kind of steroid shot to make sure that his lungs were developed or a Rhogam shot, maybe.
Morgan 16:23
to be honest, I don’t remember what I want to say no.
Kiona 16:26
Okay. Yeah. The reason why I ask that is because it tends to be a very painful shot and people are
Morgan 16:33
Yeah,
Kiona 16:33
like,
Morgan 16:33
I feel exactly. feel like I would remember that the only thing I really remember as being painful was the epidural.
Kiona 16:39
Mm
Morgan 16:39
Like
Kiona 16:40
mm.
Morgan 16:40
that for me was the pain of it all. So yeah.
Kiona 16:43
Right. Yeah. Okay. And then you had also mentioned that Dr. Cummings had decided to use her thinking brain at that point to prevent you from getting a cesarean to put IV fluids back into your uterus. And you said it like she just squeezed an I.V. bag into your uterus. I’m thinking amnio infusion. Like, did she do any kind of tube or was she really just like like, how are we getting this water into your uterus?
Morgan 17:12
So it was funny because she she was like, since you’ve got all these wires hanging out over here already. And like I said, because it was the internal fetal monitor, and there might have been like a small bit of a tube. But I remember her kind of just like crack in, like the end of the I.V. bag and just like, just literally squeezing it.
Kiona 17:38
Yeah, that’s hilarious.
Morgan 17:41
Yeah.
Kiona 17:42
I imagine that there has to be at least some kind of tube to get past baby’s head to, li, get it up
Morgan 17:46
There.
Kiona 17:46
there,
Morgan 17:48
I don’t I honestly, because there was still a bit of time before I was like, hey, I’m feeling pressure. Honestly. I feel like he was probably still at a higher station or he was, you know, still a bit high up. So it might have worked to our advantage that way. I feel like he was probably a little bit further down then. Yeah, try to sneak some things around like.
Kiona 18:13
It sounds like she made a really good choice because it also sounds like that’s what your body needed.
Morgan 18:19
Oh, is everything that my body needed and the fact that I was heard like being on the other end of things as a doula. I didn’t realize at the time the gem of a physician that I had in her. And the crazy thing is, I was in a group and I had been seeing another OB consistently. But, you know, once you hit like 30, 32 weeks, they kind of want you to rotate around just in case, someone ends up not being there. So the day I went into labor was the day I was supposed to meet Dr. Cummings. So I was like, Here I am, like, supposed to be meeting someone had never met her before. And the fact that, like, she took care of me in a way that I felt like she had literally been with me throughout my entire pregnancy like and birth plan. What? Nobody asked me about a birth plan. I didn’t really have, like, I just knew I just wasn’t trying to get cut open. Like that was about it. That was my birth plan like that into breastfeed and leave it at that. But there are so many other people, even in my family and Josiah’s aunt, that were not as fortunate to have a physician that could think outside the box like her and did end up having a C-section. So again, eternally grateful for her.
Kiona 19:41
Yeah, absolutely. I am grateful as well, because it prevented you from getting a cesarean. Like, that’s huge.
Morgan 19:49
Yeah.
Kiona 19:50
That’s
Morgan 19:50
Listen
Kiona 19:50
huge.
Morgan 19:50
to the ones that are unnecessary. Those are the ones that we want to prevent. You know what I mean? If you and or baby are ever in imminent danger, we do what’s got to be done to be able to save, both of you, hopefully. And
Kiona 20:04
mm.
Morgan 20:04
you know. We don’t have to choose. But that’s the goal.
Kiona 20:07
Right,
Morgan 20:08
But other times, Why do we have to put a clock to it? and that was the other thing, like the fact that I was able to kind of labor how I really wanted to. 39 and a half, like almost almost 40 hours. I’ve supported births where, you know, hospital starts looking at watches that, 10 hours like this is this is taking a little bit longer than we would like. Why don’t we try to speed this up a bit?
Kiona 20:33
Yeah, that’s true. Tell me a little bit more about what your postpartum experience was like. Did you you said you decided to breastfeed. So how was your breastfeeding experience?
Morgan 20:42
So Josiah ended up needing to stay in the NICU when they took him back for a circumcision. He was not keeping his temperature regulated. And so it was like, Now we’re going to have to keep him. I was living in New Jersey, so I then had to kind of get on the hospital schedule because the earlier the baby is a lot of the times you have to wake them up. You kind of have to put them on a feeding schedule because they’re not going to wake themselves up. So the hospital kind of put him on a 12, three, six and nine schedule as far as feeding was concerned. And so I learned how to pump in between those feedings. they were actually very integral in trying to teach me at least how to be able to latch effectively and honestly, I would be there as long as I possibly could from the time that they, you know, allowed visitation, so to speak, to the time that they told you to go home, I was there. So at least I got each one of those feeds. And then I would take the time to pump in between. So it was almost like power pumping. And by the end of I want to say probably like day five is when like my milk came in and I say all that, like most milk comes in between, like 2 to 4 days. Mine was a little bit longer because obviously I wasn’t sleeping. I was going back and forth the situation was a little bit different, which then obviously has the flow come a little bit later. But once it came in, it was like not even 24 or 48 hours. they were like, he can go home. So it was really just like I needed my milk to come in, fatten him up just a little bit, and he was good to go. and then once I got home, I just kind of stuck with that schedule. And I had a beautiful breastfeeding experience. I had an over abundance of milk. By the time he weaned, he like self weaned. Well, I don’t know if it’s self weaned. My mom gave him a little goat milk one day
Kiona 22:45
hmm.
Morgan 22:46
and
Kiona 22:46
Mm
Morgan 22:46
he was like, Where you been hiding this?
Kiona 22:48
hmm.
Morgan 22:48
And after that was it was there at so like, yeah, he was, he was kind of good with that. So I want to say he was was about six months, so completely weaned by about 18 months. And then I had still like six months work a breast milk in the freezer.
Kiona 23:03
That’s what happens when you got a lot.
Morgan 23:05
I know. I was like, Ooh, I had no idea I was over here. Bessie.
Kiona 23:09
Right.
Morgan 23:09
Know. So. So then, of course, now when Noah comes about. I’m thinking like, okay, this is about to be great.
h breath is completely different.
Kiona 23:22
Okay. We’re definitely going to get there. But before we bounce to Noah’s birth, I want to talk a little bit about your postpartum mood for Josiah how was that because you had mentioned it, took you six months to, like, truly believe that he was yours. How is that impacting your mental state?
Morgan 23:37
that’s a very good question. I think I was still very much in a place of trying to understand, like who I was, like who exactly and why and what does it really mean to now be a mom? You know, like I said, we were 25 we were now talking about being married. I want to say probably around like month seven. I had a conversation and I was like, listen, I love you. That’s not going to change. But the reality is I’m having a very hard time wrapping my head around being a mom and a wife at the same time. So I can’t stop this baby thing. But we can stop this like wedding thing. So can we, like, just push this back a little bit until, I can kind of get a grasp on what exactly this is going to mean. And I think that’s kind of just where my head stayed a lot of the time. I did not balance a relationship. And child. Well, a lot of people don’t realize how much you have to like baby proof your relationship slash marriage, because it takes a lot. And especially like men a lot of the times don’t. Or I don’t even want to just say men. I’ll just say like the non birthing partner tends to not 100% understand what you’re going through, whether it’s hormones, whether it’s just body feeling tired, the self-acceptance of what your body looks like. When I got pregnant with Josiah, I hadn’t lost like 50 pounds. So, I went to college that little freshman 15, and then, like, I don’t know, I guess I just had fun and enjoyed food. And so by the time I had come home and now I was like I had, like, lost some weight. I’m like 125. Like, I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m loving this. And now, boom, you’re pregnant. So it took me like two and a half months after I found out I was pregnant. To really even effectively eat because I was pissed off, I was like, I got to go get fat intentionally. Like that’s how it was in my head. It wasn’t about feeding my baby. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t because you’re not getting fat like you’re doing exactly what you need to do, like you’ve got to feed yourself, but you have like a whole nother person inside you. So that’s what you’ve got to do. And I think once I really just accepted this is what it’s going to be. And I was like, All right, this is just another challenge and I’m going to take it head on. And mentally I was just like, All right, let’s go. His father was a very good support person in the beginning. For what, you know, he could be able to do. I did have other siblings in the house at the time, so, you know, they were excited. It was something else for them to do as well. So, yeah, I was like, I think having support, I did figure out because of the feeding schedule that it was, and I followed something from my pediatrician. I eventually was able to kind of get sleep at night, which I think definitely helped with milk production as well. So ample sleep being able to eat properly, having a good support system. My postpartum, I was pretty nice
Kiona 26:45
Good. That’s good. And I 100% agree that the support that you have really has a true impact. And it’s not about the quantity of people that you have around you.
Morgan 26:55
Right.
Kiona 26:55
It is the quality within the individuals
Morgan 26:58
Say it again.
Kiona 26:58
that are supporting you. So you can have a million people around, but are they actually helping and supporting you? And just to hear that your siblings were involved in like wanting to help out and that, Josiah’s dad was involved and supportive where he could be, that’s great. And think it’s important to mention that statement of you saying he was as supportive as he could be because he is also adjusting to being a parent. Well, his bandwidth and, you know, his postpartum emotions or whatever, all of that
Morgan 27:27
Yeah.
Kiona 27:28
contributes as well. So I
Morgan 27:30
Absolutely.
Kiona 27:30
think that’s important, which is why it’s also good to have other support people around to be able to fall on when you need a little bit extra support than what your partner is able to give.
Morgan 27:41
Absolutely. And paternal postpartum depression is real as well.
Kiona 27:47
Mm
Morgan 27:48
And I don’t necessarily think that he suffered from that. But I can see how with all that he was going through and the mental load at the time, how, a partner can tend to end up getting in the same space it’s crazy how you even get the transference of hormones sometimes it’s even energy, you know, you feed off of, you know, when you’re pregnant. He’s over here eating just like you are or
Kiona 28:16
hmm.
Morgan 28:16
you know what
Kiona 28:17
Mm.
Morgan 28:17
I mean?
Kiona 28:17
Absolutely .
Morgan 28:18
You’re over.
Kiona 28:19
I got to say,
Morgan 28:19
And
Kiona 28:19
my
Morgan 28:19
it’s
Kiona 28:19
husband
Morgan 28:19
like.
Kiona 28:20
gained some pounds and I was pregnant. Okay.
Morgan 28:22
Yeah, exactly. It was like, So wait, who’s about to push this out? You know?
Kiona 28:26
Yeah.
Morgan 28:28
So
Kiona 28:29
Yes,
Morgan 28:29
but
Kiona 28:30
Yes.
Morgan 28:30
yes, I was like that that support on both ends. And that’s something that I tell my clients. when it comes to the postpartum stage, I’m like, You guys have to check in with each other, And I’m not only just here to support, the person who’s birthing, but then also the partner, you know what I mean? When life is life-ing and and you got to go back to work and sometimes you’re like, I don’t want to inundate my partner with what’s going on here. They need to chill Like I don’t need them worked up and, getting stressed in this at the very end. But now if you don’t have a proper outlet to, let that out, then, staying in, it’s not a good thing. It shouldn’t be.
Kiona 29:02
Yeah. I guess the main point to say out loud once again is it is so important to have support and the postpartum depression is not only for the birthing person, the partners of the birthing person have a fluctuation of emotions and sleep deprivation and also realizations of, Oh my God, I’m a parent now. What do I do? How do I do this? Am I going to be good at it? Like, for example, you yourself are coming into becoming a mother with being an adoptee and having that process of what does it mean to be a mom and your partner is coming with something else,
Morgan 29:39
Yeah, it was. It was more for him, like, how do I provide? I mean, how can I. give whatever I need to give, you know, And at the time it was like he had put all his eggs in one basket with something. So sometimes, you wonder like people’s bounce back, their recovery for certain things. there’s a lot that goes into family planning on that end. But when life lifes in the middle of a I’d like to say an inconvenient time because that’s the last the last time when you want something like that to happen, it takes a lot out of you. And so, like I said, he if he couldn’t physically be there, then he was, you know, checking in on just say, hey, what’s going on? How are you doing? You know, did you eat, did you sleep this, that kind of thing. So.
Kiona 30:24
Right, right, Yeah. Well let’s go ahead and dive into the conception process and journey with Noah and how far apart are Josiah and Noah?
Morgan 30:34
Almost ten years
Kiona 30:36
Okay,
Morgan 30:36
It.
Kiona 30:38
that’s all right. That’s good. Life. Life. So, you know, just like you’ve been saying.
Morgan 30:43
it does. Between that and my husband’s timeline, yeah, he wasn’t necessarily ready, and I was. So when him and I got married, we both came to the table with a son apiece. His is a few years younger than Josiah, and so, he was like, Well, you know, my son’s still kind of young. And I’m like, Well, mine’s older. I’m the one who’s going to have to carry. I’m the one who’s going to end up having to do like all of these other things. Like I would like to be able to have, this child’s early years be the same way that at least the first year that I had Josiah, I had stacked up some good money while I was working. So I was able to actually stay home for the first year, still keep bills and stuff paid. And obviously, you know, living home with mom, that helped a bit as well. So now this one here, I was like, we were obviously going to have to do things a little bit differently, but I would like to have that opportunity as much as possible to, be home rather than feeling like I’ve got to, jump right back out postpartum. So, It was kind of one of those if something happens happens because we were already trying to figure out, dates as far as weddings. My husband and I are college best friends. That, life has you know, we went one way or another way. And then I moved back down here to Delaware and right before I did, obviously, he had his son. So we were two, you know, single parents really trying to figure it out. And I had obviously already been through certain phases where his son was starting to go through. And so, we kind of just connected on that. And eventually he was just like, yeah, why not? Let’s try this thing out.
Kiona 32:34
Why not? It’s convenient.
Morgan 32:36
pretty much pretty. So. So, yeah, that’s how we ended up getting together. And as we were in the midst of trying to figure out dates for our wedding, that’s what I ended up finding out I was pregnant and he had come home from work he works night shifts and I think I was like on the toilet. He was like, Hey, I got a date. And it’s like, Oh, you do? And I was like, I got one better. Like, I showed him and I was like, Dude, who’s going to believe that? Like, we’re not getting married because, like, we’re pregnant and he just kind of, he was like. honestly, who cares? We’re doing this because this is what we want to do. Yeah, we happened to be pregnant, but we know the reason for this is, and that’s the only thing that matters. So that’s kind of where we hid it. And so we actually decided for our wedding date to be the mesh of our birthdays. And I was like, That’s how we came up with that. So I knew that I did not want a hospital birth based upon the anesthesiologist, if nothing else. And when I was pregnant with Josiah, I had initially had chosen the O.B. because she had the option of doing a water birth. And it wasn’t until well into, seeing her and then the change with the employment and being being on his insurance. It’s not like I could go find another provider. That was so it was like I was kind of stuck. So if nothing else, I was like, I’m going to have this water birth with this one. Well, the only way for me to do that was to go to birth center, the only one birth center here in the state of Delaware. And up until like a few months before Noah was born, it was actually illegal to have a home birth in the state of Delaware. Which is why I was like, okay, well, I guess since I can’t be at home, but this is my next bet, I had a pretty good pregnancy. They definitely scared the heck out of me because they were like, Oh, well, you had a premature baby, so you may have another one with this one and you can’t deliver here before 38 weeks. So you’re going to have to make sure you get to that point I’ve always been anemic. So of course, that was an issue. and I was like, I’m not taking those horse pills. I’ll just. Eat a lot more other stuff. Just not the just not the pill. So I at least was able to do what I needed to do with that. So. Due date is set and my son Josiah comes home and he says, Mom, I got a part in the play, so. Well, what are you doing? It was the Lion King. Well, actually, no. I remember helping him, like, do a couple of, like, preparations or whatever. But when he came home and he tells me that he is ed the hyena and he actually has a speaking part, I am over the moon. Like over. Over the moon. Well, when’s the show went? You know, opening night is my duty. I was like, Oh, man. What am I supposed to do with this? So I look at the calendar. I’m like, All right. They said 38 weeks. I need to make it to at least 38 weeks. 38 weeks puts me at this time just doing a little math. So we get closer to, like the 38 week mark and I look down at my stomach and I was like, okay, I know. Mind you, my husband and I, Josiah, we had his name well before he was born. Noah. We had zero idea. Any I, any name I gave my husband poo pooed it. No my cousin has that name. No, I know someone with that name. No, I had a kid that I hated in second grade with that name. I was just like, Okay, fine, whatever. So this baby had no name. I looked down and I was like, Dude, let see what we call them buddy, though. I said, Your eviction notice starts Wednesday. The birth center’s got this amazing binder where they put a lot of resources and things into and there’s this one page that obviously tells you a bunch of labor inducing pressure points. So one of my best friends from high school and I were pregnant at the same time. She lives in Maine. my due date was a day before her birthday. Her due date
Kiona 36:50
mm.
Morgan 36:50
was the day after my birthday.
Kiona 36:53
Wow.
Morgan 36:53
So we were like super excited to be going through this together. I remember calling her and I’m like, Hey, what you doing? She’s like, Oh, I’m sitting with my feet up eating pineapple and Alan’s rubbing my feet kind of thing. And I was like, Really? I was like, What’s Pineapple do? And she’s like, Oh, girl, that’s the flavor inducing thing. I was like, What? I was like, I’ll try that down the line. So I’m excited. She goes, But you got to eat the core, too. So I’m like, Okay, cool. She had gone to Hypnobirthing classes, all this other kind of stuff. So come 38 weeks, I’m like, All right, you know what? Let me go get this pineapple slice, the pineapple in half. I ate a whole half of the pineapple, and I said to my husband, I was like, do one of these pressure point things? Let’s just see what happens. And he’s like, Okay. And I was like, If it works, great. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t? This was probably like 930 at night. I fall asleep on the couch watching something on TV. 130 in the morning, my eyes pop open and I’m like, Oh. So I walk in the room and I’m like, Dude, I’m in labor. And he’s like, Are you for real? And I’m like, Yeah. And he’s like, How do you know? I don’t like looking at them like it might have been a while ago, but this is not my first rodeo and I was not feeling this last week, the week before that. Like this is real. Real. he was like, Well, what do you want to do? And I was like, Well, I’m not ready to leave yet. I’m just letting you know this is this is where we are. So come to 3:00. The things are really real, and I’m definitely in active labor. And we lived upstairs at the time, so it’s like 14 stairs. And so my husband’s like, Dude, you’re going to have this baby on these stairs because, like, every three stairs, you have to stop for a contraction. He was like, We got to hurry up. And I was like, If you’re not going to carry me down the stairs, you just go. Had to wait like I didn’t tell you. So now we’re, like, fussing this swhole time, like, why are you rushing?
And so we finally get to the birthing center. I call Josiah’s Preschool, one of Josiah’s preschool teachers who happened to be a photographer. And I was like, Listen, can you? I had asked her to do a maternity shoot, and then when I told her I was doing a water birth, she’s like, Well, I’ve never done that before. Do you mind if I come? And I was like, Sure, absolutely. So I called her at 4:00 in the morning. Her car happened to be in the shop, so she Ubers herself to the birth center at 4:00 in the morning to be able to take pictures. And when I tell you she did an absolutely amazing, amazing job. And I say, like, besides having a doula, if you can have a photographer to either photograph or like, do videography of your birth, do it. Because with all that goes on, you don’t remember a lot of stuff. Half the time you’re not even present. need to be able to go back and have that account is like truly something special. yeah, we called her. I kind of got in the bed for a bit and was like, Yeah, this is not it. I tried to get in the shower for a bit and it’s like, here, not y’all might have run that and that’s that. They started to fill up the water and I got in there and I labored for some time and I guess I had once again gotten into that rhythm inside myself was cool. But then I started to get annoyed with the contractions because I was like, I’m tired. I would like to sleep. And I can’t. On top of the fact that apparently I was starting to like, knot off a little too close to like, the water line. And my husband was like, Dude, can you not turn on yourself? So? So I was like, okay, guys, I’m I’m done with this break my water. And they’re like, okay, well, you’re going to have to get out of the tub so we can make sure you fluids are clean and then you can get back in. So I stood up. Now, mind you, the only thing I could do the entire time was kind of be on all fours. I had experienced extreme back labour with Josiah, and so it was like full blown. With Noah. And the hands and knees were like, Really? Honestly, the only thing that could get me through. As I stood up, I felt like the four or five people that were in the room were all standing on my stomach, and I was like, Never mind. Literally a finger up, like pause. I got right back down on all fours and it was like, So where’s the drugs? And they’re like, You’re doing such a great job. I was like, Yeah, I know. But like the drugs, like, I know you guys said, You have something now this is how long is this supposed to take?
You really got to. And they’re like, as long as your body needs to take. Well, I kind of feel like I need to push through. They were like, Well, if that’s what you feel, do what do you do? So I push and something did not feel right. Now it’s like, cool, that was not right. So I was like, Wow. And I stopped. And then there was another urge again to push. And this time when I push, like I felt the pop of my water to break. 16 minutes later, boom, here he was. Now, the entire time, like I said, I cried about the Greek salad and the French fries. The beautiful thing about the birth center. You can eat, you could do whatever. I wasn’t really thinking about food at the time, but the moment I got there, I was like, Oh, I could go for a Chipotle label.
Kiona 42:35
mm mm.
Morgan 42:36
So that was my goal and labor. And I was like, Dude, you just need to be here by the time Chipotle opens. And he did it, So by the time they were open with nice, fresh rice, my husband was on the line. You can crap in the food, so.
Kiona 42:52
Nice. Oh, That sounds so awesome. And so that pressure of needing to push makes me think, like, where were you feeling pain? Like when you feel like. Mm. No pause. I can’t do this anymore. What was that feeling?
Morgan 43:05
So it was not that immense feeling of pressure like in your bottom, like you need to poop this one When I push it was actually like more in my vagina, so I probably was not pushing appropriately to be 100% on. As hindsight, he probably still wasn’t as low as you would like him to be because I did end up tearing. It wasn’t anything too crazy, but it did require, some stitching. So yeah. And I was like at that probably. And when I said ow, that probably might have been that tear, to be honest. If it wasn’t that, then of course, that good old ring of fire.
Kiona 43:53
Right.
Morgan 43:53
Will do it to you.
Kiona 43:54
That’ll, that’ll make a lot of people pause real quick. Yeah.
Morgan 43:58
Yeah. So actually my nine year old was outside at first he wanted to be in the room. I really wanted him to be in the room too. But I realized on the way to the birth center he was not handling the contraction as well. when it comes to boys, you know, they loved their mother so fiercely and because he couldn’t do anything about my pain, he couldn’t take it away. It was just he was helpless.
Kiona 44:23
Oh
Morgan 44:24
And so I was like, thankfully, my mother in law came at the time, so she ended up sitting with him. But it’s funny, when he came in afterwards, he was like, Mom, I heard you use words. They never really.
Kiona 44:37
yes, Yes
Morgan 44:37
Exactly.
Kiona 44:38
you did.
Morgan 44:38
And I was like, son, I was like, it hurt. And I was that ring of fire just really had me out there like, Oh, o.
Kiona 44:47
Yes.
Morgan 44:47
There is a great picture. There’s a great picture, honestly, of my husband’s face. Has the pain that I probably felt on it.
Kiona 44:58
Mm mm
Morgan 44:59
And
Kiona 44:59
mm
Morgan 45:00
I had grabbed his shirt and kind of did one of those like twists right around the neckline. But I had also grabbed his chain at the same time, too, during the contraction. So when I went to go leg turn, I was pretty much choking him. So you see my back and my hands around his neck and the pain on his face. And I told her I was like, Girl, that shot needs to go to a museum. He was
Kiona 45:28
Yeah.
Morgan 45:29
like, That’s a complete transfer. It’s right there. Like, he felt me right there.
Kiona 45:35
Oh gosh.
That sounds like an amazing picture.
Morgan 45:43
Yeah, it definitely was. It was it was one for the books. But all in all, like I said, it definitely was a good experience. On reflection wise, I wish someone would have said something to me more about my placenta, especially, with me being anemic I wish it would have been pushed a little bit more when it comes to postpartum depression and anxiety, seeing as though between Josiah and Noah, I was dealing with anxiety and depression right before I got pregnant with Noah. Birth family actually started to resurface and I unfortunately am. Right after Noah became estranged from my adoptive mother. So it was like a lot of things that were going on. So then postpartum wise, it was different I was feeling like I was losing my mother. I was dealing with the lack of my birth mother, wanting to acknowledge my existence. I was dealing with, other family kind of coming in and trying to figure out where they fit in. And for me, I hadn’t really processed like any of that. I only had started looking because, Josiah was asking questions like, I know I look like you, because eventually he’s got my whole face. So he’s now like, I know I look like you, but who do you look like? Good question. Well, why do we do these certain things? Why do you know all of these? So now I’m like, okay, well, I got to get some answers. If nothing else, for him. And again, I don’t think I understood the magnitude of how adoption really affects the birthing process, the postpartum process, especially when it comes to support. My husband didn’t really know how to go get help or to ask for help or anything. So to know signs you know what I mean? No one really gave him that kind of information. So he, didn’t really know what to do with it. And I remember eventually I ended up in a space where I had a whole mental breakdown. I was not successfully breastfeeding at all. I was barely making two feeds a day. and, I’m the first person to really breastfeed babies on both sides of my husband’s side of the family. So now you’ve got people like, well, when are you going to stop breastfeeding? Or you could just do formula. not saying that they weren’t supportive, but they really just didn’t understand what I was trying to do. So, yeah, postpartum wise, it was rough I struggled with breastfeeding. I struggled mentally with really trying to just regain some kind of balance. I was feeling extremely isolated and not with the same type of support that I had before. I had two very good friends when I was pregnant with and another one from high school that had dealt with postpartum depression with all three of her children. And they showed up differently with each pregnancy. The two of them were what honestly saved my life to be 100% honest. They were the epitome of safe space. They allowed me to feel all the feels, say whatever I needed to say, validate, my feelings, kind of just pick me up off the floor and whatever, you know, was really going on. And yeah, it had gotten to, like I said, it got to a place where I had a breakdown. And I called Josiah’s father and was like, Hey, when he gets out of school, I’m going to need you to call and talk to him because I’m not going to be home. And the only thing that kept me from signing myself in was Noah. And it was Who’s going to feed my baby? So as much as I really didn’t want to have much with, it wasn’t my postpartum wasn’t I didn’t want to hold him or I didn’t want to feed him, I wasn’t taking care of myself. So it was more about me and being in a depressive state and really just not knowing where I belonged. Finding out that I was the second child had me questioning whether or not I was going to be mother enough for Noah.
Kiona 50:07
mm mm
Morgan 50:08
And if nothing else, that was my biggest fear just in general, because Josiah and I are very, very tight. And so the idea of loving two people equally was like, How do you do that? Like, do I have enough space for that? How do I not favor? How do I split myself even more than I feel like I’m already splitting myself. And I felt like I didn’t have any answers. So I also found out in my adoption thing that a big portion of it was my birth mother was also trying to make sure that she had a career rather than just a job. And when I got pregnant with Noah, I was really just getting to a place where, Josiah was old enough, where I could be more independent. I wasn’t having to take certain jobs that had certain hours you know? And I was like, okay, I can move around a little bit more freely. And I knew now with being, pregnant I was going to have to be restricted a bit more. And trying to make sure that I took care of me and what I wanted and needed out of life as well as trying to still honor the fact that child didn’t ask to be here, you know, didn’t pick me as a parent. So, buck up, buttercup. Sometimes she’s just going to have to be selfless and, you know, it’s par for the course. This is what we do. And hoping that the sacrifice ended up being on both ends, you know, between both me and my husband, it didn’t just all completely fall on me. And it was just it was rough to really try to whether try to figure out try to make sense of it was knowing that Noah wasn’t going to be able to be fed and I wasn’t going to be able to still nurture him the way that I felt like he was going to need to be on top of the fact that I also felt like I would have been abandoning both of my kids. And I was like, if I go in, I don’t know if I’ll be able to come out.
Kiona 52:14
mm
Morgan 52:15
Will they keep me? That’s literally how crazy I felt.
Kiona 52:19
mm
Morgan 52:19
And so I was like, I’ve got to figure out something else. So fast forward about two months, and I found on Facebook this lady who was running a kickball league and I was like, You know what? Let me try this out. And I tried to start like a team of my own. Didn’t have enough people, but there were enough people that I did know where I was like, yeah, let’s go do this. And we played and I played that first year. And I tell people I was like, I played kickball for two seasons for my life.
Kiona 52:52
mm
Morgan 52:53
Kickball saved my life. Because if I didn’t get out there and do that, I was like, I didn’t want to be on medication. I had dealt with that before and I didn’t like the way that it made me feel. I knew I wasn’t probably going to be able to breastfeed when it came to medication as well, or I would have been, you know, there are some that are, they say are safe. But still, in the back of my mind, I would have been questioning it. And so it was like how holistically can I bring myself at least out of this just a little bit? And it was being outside and running. I sucked at it, but I didn’t care. I like I laughed at myself. I fell. I did all types of crazy stuff. I miss balls. Who cares? I needed that. And that was my outlet. And so
Kiona 53:37
mm mm mm mm
Morgan 53:37
that’s kind of how I weathered that.
Kiona 53:39
mm mm mm. Yeah. That postpartum times does sound very rough. There are so many things that are contributing to your mental health at that time. The discovery of more information about your birth family and then that struggle of processing. How to love more is incredibly challenging. I’m a mom of three and I’m split into three and it’s like this constant form of giving. And then also when you have a child, it is not just fluctuating the relationship that you have with your older children, but it’s also fluctuating the relationship that you have with your partner as well as like other people in your life, like your siblings, your parents, your in-laws. Like everybody gets this ripple effect of how you are doing mentally, physically, emotionally. But not everybody sees the depths of the struggle.
Morgan 54:34
Exactly.
Kiona 54:35
I think that it’s absolutely amazing that you found kickball, because if you didn’t find kickball, you said it yourself You might might not have been here. Right.
Morgan 54:45
100%.
Kiona 54:46
finding, that discovery of kickball, it I think the reason that it’s a great idea to just do something is because you try something new.
Morgan 54:54
Yeah.
Kiona 54:55
You know, you weren’t just stuck in the identity of being a mom. That’s what a lot of people struggle with is just being like, yes, I have this child and I’m a mom. Yes, I have two children and I’m a mom and I’m a wife, but I am also Kiona. You know, like you are, you are your
Morgan 55:09
Right.
Kiona 55:09
individual self. And so when you take that and just take that little bit of time to be able to say, okay, Morgan’s going to go play kickball now, Morgan is going to trip and fall and miss the ball. Morgan is going to run her ass off to try to get to this thing. Morgan’s going to be tired, but then Morgan is going to come back home feeling a little bit more, regenerated in a way, even though it’s exhausting.
Morgan 55:37
Yes, absolutely. Being outside was necessary. I started grounding. I started therapy like a lot of different things. I was like I just I had to immerse myself and as much as I possibly can before, I go the medication route. And postpartum is the part of our lives that we live out the longest
Kiona 55:59
MM
Morgan 55:59
and that has the most lasting effect, on us. So it’s almost more important than birth, to be honest.
Kiona 56:09
Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, it truly, truly is. And the reason why I say that with such, meaning behind it is because postpartum is forever, And that’s even if you give your child up for adoption, right. Like if you are
Morgan 56:24
Yeah.
Kiona 56:25
a parent that decides to give your child up for adoption, you are still postpartum forever. Your body will never be the same. Your hormones will
Morgan 56:33
No.
Kiona 56:33
be impacted forever.
Morgan 56:34
Exactly
Kiona 56:35
and then the mental and psychological impact of having given birth and having to make the decision that you made, whether it’s giving your child up for adoption or deciding to breastfeed or deciding to go back to work at a certain time, like every decision you make
Morgan 56:51
mmhmm.
Kiona 56:52
impacts the outcome and like what the future looks like for you. So postpartum is the rest of your life.
Morgan 57:00
It is. It is. And it’s important to take it seriously from the rest that’s necessary right after birth. because I had to be. Oh, we didn’t even get to the point where although Noah was 38 weeks, which is considered full term and was acceptable for the birth center. Apparently his glucose levels weren’t doing what they liked it to do. So we still ended up in the NICU for four whole days.
Kiona 57:29
Mm mm
Morgan 57:30
And the you at the time didn’t really have the best accommodations for parents and babies. So I sat in a chair for the first four days. So Stitches took two and a half weeks longer to heal. And we’re extremely, sensitive to the touch. everything was just, really off, And it was kind of unnecessary, actually, even according to the nurses, for us to stay that long. Because if I was allowed to feed Noah as he wanted, we would have been able to get out earlier. But they were trying to do the same thing as Josiah with that feeding schedule, although he was, showing signs of being hungry on his own. He was waking up all this kind of thing. He just had a crazy eating schedule because I ate weird. You know what I mean? I didn’t like for some reason I didn’t do breakfast, so I’d start eating it around noon and then I would have like a break and then I’d eat at four. So, like, his feeding schedule mimicked my eating pattern, like, to a tee. So I kind of knew already what was going on. But, you know, we were just like, you know, at the hospital. It’s a numbers game. Got to play their game to be able to just get out and then you can get home and, you know, do do buy your baby the way you know how to.
Kiona 58:47
Right, right.
Morgan 58:49
So.
Kiona 58:49
Yeah. Oh my goodness. So would you say that your postpartum experience that you had with Noah was like on the cusp of postpartum psychosis,
Morgan 59:02
Probably. Yeah, I was like anxiety and depression on all time high. And yeah, for me, I was literally in the shower and I could not stop, like, cleaning. Like, there was nothing at this point in time, dirty. And then it was just like an uncontrollable, like, sobbing. And then, I don’t know. Yeah, it probably was, because then I went from, like, extremely sad to almost like, manic.
Kiona 59:35
mm
Morgan 59:35
And then it would like, yeah, they were just all over the place. They were all over the place. And I was just like, I just need help. That’s what I kept saying. I was like, I just. I just need help.
Kiona 59:43
What did you end up doing outside of joining kickball or in therapy to help support you at that time. Like did you talk to your provider about it.
Morgan 59:52
So my provider, while I was still pregnant with Noah, were like, Hey, why don’t you take a look at a, you know, this list of resources, Try to kind of get yourself on the list with some of the hospital therapies so that, you know, come time if you need you, yo don’t have to do all this extra intake and this that and the third, problem was that on that resource list, there wasn’t anybody that looks like me.
Kiona 1:00:16
mm
Morgan 1:00:16
And so sometimes having a conversation with someone where you have to explain certain things, whether it’s culturally, religiously or whatnot, it takes a lot out of the experience of, being able to just be vulnerable and get stuff out. so it wasn’t until, right after that break is when I started seriously trying to look for another therapist. And it still took me some time. I found one. She was great, but it seemed more of like camaraderie. And I was like, I need somebody who can actually do some work. Like I need somebody who’s going to call me on my stuff. I need to, like, go deep because I don’t know how far, deep and wide this stuff goes, but I’m ready to kind of tackle this because I can’t I can’t be like this.
Kiona 1:01:03
right. Like you can’t just be that or talk to someone. Even though conversation is nice, like you need resources and
Morgan 1:01:08
Right.
Kiona 1:01:09
guidance on how to change what’s happening.
Morgan 1:01:10
Exactly. Tools so
Kiona 1:01:11
Mm
Morgan 1:01:12
that I
Kiona 1:01:12
mm
Morgan 1:01:12
can. You know, I need to grow. Please.
Kiona 1:01:14
mm mm mm. Yes. For
Morgan 1:01:17
And
Kiona 1:01:17
sure.
Morgan 1:01:18
so, yeah. So I was like, that’s. I was like, that was mainly it. And then, like I said, my two girlfriends being there and just being able to let it all out and be like, Oh, okay. You felt like that too. Okay, I’m not crazy. Okay? This is what this looks like. I can now put words to how I’m feeling. Okay. I didn’t know how to ask for help. And that’s like a that’s a big thing in postpartum. Like, even with a lot of my clients, now will be like, listen, I need help. I just don’t even know what to tell you right now.
Kiona 1:01:49
mm mm.
Morgan 1:01:50
And, I think even just as spouses, sometimes we can feel like that we don’t have to bring the children into it where, you know, you could just feel overwhelmed with all the stuff. And sometimes you be like, okay, well, what can I do? Like, if you can’t take a look around
Kiona 1:02:03
Right.
Morgan 1:02:03
and see all
Kiona 1:02:04
Oh,
Morgan 1:02:04
the
Kiona 1:02:04
my God.
Morgan 1:02:05
50 million things,
Kiona 1:02:06
Yeah.
Morgan 1:02:07
don’t ask me what needs to be done.
Kiona 1:02:10
Mm hmm.
Morgan 1:02:10
Opening
Kiona 1:02:10
You just
Morgan 1:02:10
your
Kiona 1:02:10
heard
Morgan 1:02:11
eyes.
Kiona 1:02:11
a you just hit a sore spot for me, girl. Okay.
Morgan 1:02:14
Let’s find
that mental load is a real
Kiona 1:02:18
It
Morgan 1:02:18
okay.
Kiona 1:02:18
is 100% real. Oh, my gosh. 110,000% real.
Morgan 1:02:25
You know,
Kiona 1:02:25
Oh.
Morgan 1:02:25
and it was. And then we working with brains that don’t even actually fully function 100%. Because here’s the thing. Our brain shrinks, then it shuts down to then work solely in like, survival mode, which is why then when we’re going through birth, it’s a very primal feeling. It’s a very. It’s just very natural and ugh, you know, like
Kiona 1:02:49
Mm mm
Morgan 1:02:49
it’s
Kiona 1:02:49
mm
Morgan 1:02:49
raw,
Kiona 1:02:49
mm mm
Morgan 1:02:50
you
Kiona 1:02:51
mm.
Morgan 1:02:51
know what I mean? So then we’re coming in here on the other end, like we’ve got we’ve got to treat ourselves better on the back end of, things as well. So.
Kiona 1:02:59
Yes, I agree. 100%. 100%. Well, Morgan, I think that this is a good place to, like, round off the interview. How do you feel?
Morgan 1:03:09
Yeah.
Kiona 1:03:09
Yeah.
Morgan 1:03:10
Great. Great, Great. Absolutely.
Kiona 1:03:12
Okay, My closing question is, what is one piece of advice that you would give to all pregnant people to prepare for labor, birth and postpartum?
Morgan 1:03:21
I have it on a shirt. Whatever you do, do it with a doula.
Kiona 1:03:25
MM Oh, I love that.
Morgan 1:03:27
Yes, And that’s really like, listen. doulas is are strictly a non-medical support. People that teach childbirth education , lactation education and self-advocacy. Doulas do not advocate for birthing people. We teach you how to advocate for yourself so that in any birthing space you can be able to advocate for yourself and be able to have the positive birthing experience that you want. You know, staff, they don’t want to hear from us. At the end of the day, they want to hear you say what it is that you want. And so being able to stand fast and what it is that you want, regardless of other agendas or whatnot, I feel like is key. And then, of course, you have that safety net of knowing that there’s someone that has your back so that your partner, especially if you are birthing with a partner, sometimes you want them to just be that. You’re like, Listen, I just need my husband to be my husband. I just need my wife to be my wife. that’s what it is. Great. Now, you also know that there’s someone still that can help when those contractions come with a double hip squeeze or with the massage or, you know, to turn the towel over, you know, give you a sip of water, whatever it is that you need. And you guys can intimately still be able to labor together.
Kiona 1:04:43
Right. Yeah. No. 100%. I agree with that as well. I just love that so much Morgan. Thank you. I appreciate you so much. And thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us today and for sharing your knowledge and your wisdom and being vulnerable with me today. So I appreciate that. Thank you.
Outro 1:05:11
This interview with Morgan taught me so many things that I didn’t consider. For example, having her own child as an adoptee had her go through the thought process of what it’s like to actually be biologically related to someone and then what that looks like and what it means to love more than one child. When she went to have her second. Morgan, I just want to say a personal thank you for being on the podcast and sharing your stories with us. There’s so much that you taught us and there’s so much more to learn just based off the information that you gave. So thank you. Now, if you liked this episode, I would highly suggest that you also check out episode six with Kristin Travis. In that episode, she talks about what it’s like to make the decision to become a single parent and then go through the pregnancy on her own. After utilizing IUI, which is intrauterine insemination. if you’ve gotten this far, you already know that I am going to invite you into a special group That group is the birth as we know it podcast Facebook group. And I would love to see you there because in that group we talk about the podcast and so much more. So come join us and be a part of the conversation. You can do that by going to
birthasweknowitpodcast. com/community. if you want to learn more about Morgan and see the amazing picture that she’s talking about when it comes to her, basically choking out her husband. Go ahead and head over to
birthasweknowitpodcast. com/70. That is where you will see all of her amazing photos as well as the show notes and links to any definitions or resources that were mentioned in this episode. All right, friends, I hope you all have a great day. I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye for now.
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