Description:
Ep. 6-Kristin Travis-Baby Beam-BEarthMate
Kristin has been working as a birth doula for 6 years and has attended over 155 births. In this episode, Kristin dives into detail about her personal journey of how she chose to be a single mother with Intrauterine Insemination, how the pregnancy wasn’t as she expected it to be, and how her birth felt empowering.
Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only with no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. I, Kiona Nessenbaum, am not a licensed medical professional. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experience of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
The resources I mention in this episode are listed below:
- Birth Doula- Kristin Travis: https://www.BEarthmate.com/
- Open Arms Perinatal Services: https://openarmsps.org/
- Doula-Jazmin Bryant: https://www.jazzybeandoula.com/
- Perinatal Support of Washington: https://perinatalsupport.org/
- Quilted Health: https://www.quiltedhealth.com/
- Maia Midwifery-Kristin Liam Kali, LM: https://maiamidwifery.com/
- Maternal Mortality Rate for Non-Hispanic Black Women-2022
Definitions:
Song Referenced:
- The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face-Roberta Flack
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Transcription of Episode 6:
KIONA: Hello and welcome to Birth as we know it. I am your podcast host, Kiona Nessenbaum. I have experienced birth as a doula, a student midwife, and as a mother of three amazing children with my husband and high school sweetheart by my side. After attending over 130 births, including my own, I’ve realized that each birth experience is truly unique. So make sure you subscribe and join me every week as we are guided through many different birth experiences through the lens of the storyteller. Please be aware that some of the stories can be triggering to hear, so feel free to pause, take a breath, and come back and listen whenever you’re ready. With that said, let’s prep ourselves to dive deep and get detailed about what really happens in the birth space.
As a reminder, this podcast is intended for educational purposes only and has no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experiences of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Birth As We Know It Podcast. I am so happy to be interviewing a good friend of mine and my birth doula. Her name is Kristen. Kristen, welcome to the Birth podcast.
KRISTEN: Thank you, Kiona. I am just so glad to be here, and I just am so glad to be able to speak with folks and thank you for inviting me.
KIONA: Yeah, of course. I am actually super honored to be able to interview Kristen because she was my birth doula for two of my three births, and she is still running her birth doula business called BEarthMate and she is also practicing as a community outreach doula at Open Arms Perinatal Services. So thank you for doing that, all that service.
KRISTEN: Thank you. Yeah. It’s just been a joy and an honor to be able to work in this kind of field and to be able to be your doula has just been amazing. So it’s just like now this all is coming full circle, and I’m just so glad to be here this time.
KIONA: Yes, I am very much looking forward to it. Because you’re not here to talk about a doula’s perspective necessarily. You are here to talk about your own personal experience. You have little Beam.
KRISTEN: Yeah. Yes. Beam just turned nine weeks just a few days ago, and it is just. It’s a roller coaster. We are learning together. They’re just such a patient baby because Mama’s a mess sometimes. I try my best, and they have just been so patient with me. They’re just such a fun baby, and I’m really enjoying being their mother. We’re learning together.
KIONA: That is awesome. I love that so much. And so tell us a little bit about yourself. Were you excited when you found out you were expecting Beam? Was it expected? Was it unexpected? And then let us know who’s in your family. I know that you got a little fur baby over there, as well.
KRISTEN: Yes. So this whole journey was expected and unexpected at the same time. So just to give a little background about how everything came about. For many years, I wanted to have a child, and it just wasn’t working for me to find a partner that I really felt that I wanted to go along with this journey with. And so, being in birth, I heard about so many parents using alternative methods and looking for different ways to have kids, and it’s just like, oh, there are so many possibilities out there. So after considering quite a few different things, I ended up going with doing an unmedicated IUI. And IUI stands for intrauterine insemination. And so I got a chance to work with Kristen Kali from Maia Midwifery, and they were just an amazing resource to me. They gave me so much information about really exploring what my own body does because in school and this is Beam cooing if you can kind of hear them in the background, going through school, going through health classes and things like that, even being a doula, there’s just so much that I learned about how the body functions through this process. So that was the first beginning of the journey, learning how my own body functions so that I could time things out in order to have a successful IUI.
And for most people, it takes a few tries. It’s definitely not something that one could expect to have success on the first try or first few tries, you know, but for me, it ended up being on the first try and it was just truly, truly like a joy and a blessing and luck and hard work and all of those things at once. I can’t say enough, how lucky and how privileged and how things worked out quite unexpectedly, even though there was quite a bit of work to make sure that Beam got here, everything fell into place all at once. So I found out last year that I was pregnant, and it was just like, wow, this is my first pregnancy. I’m 39 now, so kind of getting older. Most of my friends who want to have kids have had their kids already, so it’s just a very interesting experience.
Also, being an older parent, that is kind of how Beam’s journey started. And then just getting a chance to connect and reconnect to so many folks in my community has been amazing too. I’m not from here. I’m from Illinois, grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago. And it is just amazing how many people and how strong of a community I have out here in Washington. It wasn’t something I expected when I moved out here. And so Beam has a lot of aunties and uncles and cousins and elder folks that they can reach out to and be near. And so it’s just so nice, my family has come out to come visit me. But it also is so nice to have a community out here that makes sure that we’re okay.
KIONA: I love all of that. I love all of it. I remember back in the day when I was pregnant, I think with Kairo at the time, you had started talking about like, hey, maybe if I don’t find a partner, I’m just going to do this by myself. I don’t need to lean on anybody else. I’m just going to do this by myself. I know I can. I’ll figure out how. And here we are. And then Moxie! Moxie is your pup. How is Moxie doing with having Beam in the house now?
KRISTEN: Moxie is super protective. Like super protective. And she started being that way kind of early on into the pregnancy. I think her and Beam had communication going long before I had communication going. If somebody comes to the door or drops off a package or if we have a visitor or something like that, she’s first to kind of make sure she sits in between and kind of checks the person out first. So she’s very protective but she’s also very affectionate. She’s very affectionate towards beans. So it is something that we’re all learning how to kind of adjust as a family. But I’m really enjoying also how she’s getting to be Bean’s big sister.
KIONA: That’s awesome. I love that. And I feel like let me know if I’m wrong. I feel like Moxie was probably a good excuse to get up and get out postpartum.
KRISTEN: Yeah.
KIONA: So how was your pregnancy for you? How was it overall?
KRISTEN: Whoo. I would say pregnancy was like, not my favorite thing. It was just not my favorite experience. And that as a person who works in birth and had been a doula for so many years, that was a very unexpected thing for me that pregnancy would be so difficult. But when I compare myself in my mind, I really wasn’t having or experiencing some of the things other people experience. So I’m like, who am I to complain when I’m really kind of having a mild pregnancy? So there was kind of the mindset or the thought process is like, well, I shouldn’t be complaining because people have it off worse than me. But then I had to also take in what I was experiencing. So that was a very difficult at least on the I guess, on the psychological side that was kind of a difficult two things to balance.
In my pregnancy the first few weeks, it was just kind of really also, you know, kind of managing through the fear of will this you know, how will this be? How will this change my life? And then also, is this something that’s going to even stick and stay? I had not been pregnant before, and that was a fear of mine, what my fertility was going to be like. But then, then as things went along, I had a really major, major scare. I had an incident where, I bled a lot at 21 weeks, and I had to go into the emergency room for it. It turns out it was a polyp that was benign. So it was something that was not going to affect the baby and ultimately wasn’t going to affect me. But it was a very scary and tough situation for me to get through because it was such an incident where I had to go into the emergency. I think after that situation happened, I had been quite a bit on edge for the rest of the pregnancy. I had consistently been assured that things were going just fine, but that situation really put me on edge. And it was at a time that I was kind of so far along.
Other things that happened during my pregnancy were just kind of a lot of life situations. Like my car broke down, I ended up moving. So I moved with one of my really good friends. Let’s see, I have a family member who has moved to the state. So just like a lot of life changes were going on at that time as well. So it’s like. Is this the time for all these big things to be happening? I kept thinking to myself, but ultimately, I’m so glad things turned out the way that they did.
I just was able to get through the car situation with the help of a colleague who let me borrow their car, I was able to move. And that was about the smoothest move that I’ve had in all the times that I’ve moved. I’m so glad that my family member is here. This is someone that our ages were further apart, so we didn’t necessarily grow up together. So it’s really good just connecting and being around them now. So it’s just so many life changes that happened also during the time of pregnancy. And even me finding out when I was pregnant was during the Roe v. Wade situation. So it was just like there were so many pieces and parts that were like, wow, this is a very interesting time to be doing this. And I just cannot say how, you know how lucky and how honored and how I just feel like, how this happened for me is not how it happens for everybody. And I hold that close because I would want everybody to have an experience like mine. Overall, it was a great experience, but I know just with the landscape of how things are right now and I just know how everyone’s life is set up, I was very lucky to be able to have Beam and to have Beam in this way.
KIONA: Yeah, I think that’s beautiful. So, did you know where you wanted to birth your baby, whether it was at home, a birth center, or a hospital?
KRISTEN: Yes. So at first where I was living, I definitely was thinking like, oh, I want to birth my baby at home, and wouldn’t that be just like the perfect way to do things? And then there was some point where and maybe it was after me talking to my family, just thinking about logistically, I had stairs, I was living in an apartment, there was like no parking other than my own parking space, and there was only one entrance in and out. So it was just kind of like I could birth that home. There was nothing keeping me from it. But thinking about logistically what that was going to actually look like if I had everything the way I wanted it, it just wasn’t going to work out. So it’s like, okay, that’s a bummer. All right, what’s next?
I didn’t quite want to birth at a birthing center because it was just like, well, if my choice was between home, then my next choice would be like, let me just go full-on hospital because I’ll have everything there that I need and I had seen wonderful birth at a birthing center, so there was nothing against it. It was just I think my two primary choices were going to be either home and if I couldn’t do that, hospital. But then there was like. The really good thing is that I had so much experience as a Doula being at pretty much every hospital in the whole Seattle area. So it’s like, oh, I had a lot to choose from in terms of choices, and It kind of came down to insurance and it came down to a lot of different things. But ultimately, I had seen quite a few of the births over at Virginia Mason with the Quilted Health Team and Quilted Health, they pretty much have a vision that takes on a lot of the different midwifery-type visions. They have midwives who are gender-affirming, midwives who practice antiracism so these were folks who I knew I was going to feel comfortable with just in terms of I knew they were going to respect my values. I knew that they were going to respect me. And I also knew that they were going to do everything in their power to keep me safe. I don’t know if we have really got a chance to talk about It, but there is a statistic that is shown that Black women are four times more likely to die in birth, in childbirth. And so as a Doula, that was the reason why I became a Doula.
KIONA: Right, me too.
KRISTEN: Yes. It’s so scary because it’s one of those things where you think of the most well-to-do, most famous folks. I would never think this will happen to this person-type folks. So, like, Serena Williams and Beyonce and Cardi B all talked about very recently their births and how close they were to death or even a very unfortunate birth outcome with their birth. Amongst our community, we talk about this all the time, but maybe the greater community or the greater listening base may not know this. It’s just like even the most famous, the most rich of us, still has this situation. And it’s not because of our race. So it’s not because of physically who we are, but it’s because of how we’re treated based on race. And so as black women, we have to be very careful on where we choose to give birth, who we choose to give birth with, if we can make those choices.
I was very fortunate to be able to have pretty much the entire Schmorgen board of birthing spots to go and with all the teams to give birth with. And I had experienced birth with so many teams, so I kind of not only had first-hand experience with these teams, but I just kind of knew what I wanted and knew that there were teams that would be really, really good in getting me the kinds of things that I wanted and keeping us safe. But I know also everybody doesn’t have that opportunity, and it’s just my heart breaks for that because that’s not how we deserve to be treated at all.
KIONA: Right, right.
KRISTEN: Like you said, that’s the reason why we both got into being a doula and doing this kind of work. And so that piece was a big, big piece to how I decided that I wanted to work with the Quilted Health team and that I wanted to birth Virginia Masin. Because both the team and the hospital seemed to have my best interest in mind. And they expressed those kinds of things from day one, and they were very attentive throughout my birth. I will say, for the very most part, my birth was pretty smooth. But again, any birth can take a twist and turn in a blink of an eye.
KIONA: At any moment.
KRISTEN: Yup. Yup. Having people who can take charge, see things, listen, believe when somebody’s saying something that’s going on in their body, believe them. Those were the kinds of things that I witnessed these teams doing at other births. So I knew that at least I had a fighting chance.
KIONA: Right. And then Quilted Health weren’t the only people on your team. So Quilted Health was like your primary midwifery care, correct?
KRISTEN: Mmhmm
KIONA: And you also had a doula yourself, right?
KRISTEN: Yes. And she was amazing. So, my doula was Jasmine Bryant, and Jasmine actually has a doula practice called Jazzy Bean Doula. And I knew from the start that Jasmine was going to be the right doula for me. Again, I had seen her work with other clients of mine as a postpartum doula. I seen her out in the community. She was a very strong voice in the Doulas for all campaign that we had here in Washington State. And just for your listeners who might not be familiar, this was to make sure that each person who wanted to have access to a Doula could gain access to a Doula through Medicaid. Jasmine was like a huge voice in that campaign and yay, we are working towards and got that all passed. So it’s like super exciting.
KIONA: Do a little dance!
KRISTEN: Yes, literally. I mean, think about it. How many years have we been as doulas working on this and talking about this and folks going downstate and all kinds of things, and now it’s here. And us being one of the first few states, this is something that we can help the rest of the country to be able to come to a point where doulas are not looked at as a luxury, but like, literally something that every birthing person should get the opportunity to have if they want. So Jasmine was a part of my doula team and she also ended up being my postpartum doula as well. Shout out to Jasmine, she’s just super dope.
KIONA: I love Jasmine so… we’ve only met a couple of times but when I met her she was nothing but positive energy.
KRISTEN: Oh yeah, she was wonderful. And then also had my mom was attending my birth with me and so my mom was like, mom, doula. She kept saying like, oh, I don’t know if I’m going to know what to do. And she knew exactly what to do. There was times where like it would be my hardest moment. I would never categorize my birth as painful. I felt like it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences I’ve had, just mentally and then also emotionally and physically, but it never really reached the threshold of pain. But it was one of those things where if I didn’t have the right people there, I knew that mentally I was going to have a lot more issues. And my mom, it was just like one point in my birth, things were just getting real. They were just getting, like I don’t even know how to explain it, like, just really intense. And she put her hand on my chest and it was like, oh, wow, this is like, all I need. It didn’t make the discomfort go away, but it just was like I felt so much love at that point. I felt so grounded. Like I could feel my heart because she had her hand on my heart. She helped me slow my breathing and just kind of really be able to focus on what the task at hand was. And I just I don’t, I don’t know what it would have been like without her, you know?
KIONA: Yeah, I know that exact feeling because I don’t know if you remember, but during Kairo’s birth, my mom came in a little later, and that’s the first thing she did is she put her hand on my chest. And it was just like, I don’t think words can explain the feeling that you get when you know that your mom is there putting their hand on your chest, and you’re just like, okay. I feel like it might be a very spiritual connection and like this ancestral kind of vessel. I don’t know if that’s a little too spiritual, but that’s kind of how I felt during that moment.
KRISTEN: Oh I understand that. I think that’s the perfect way to explain it because it’s almost like they’re pulling the ancestors, like, they’re pulling everybody in, and it’s within that touch, this whole backstory. I don’t think I told you, but there was an exposure to COVID in my family, so my mom didn’t know. The day that she was getting ready to come was, I think, Saturday. I think we found that out Friday night. And so she was worried, like, oh, wow, I might not actually be able to come. So there was a certain point where she made a decision. She’s like, look, I’m going to be here. I’m going to get on a plane. I will quarantine myself, take all the tests, all the things I need to do, but I’m going to be there for you, and that’s that. And I was like, what about this? And what about that? She was just like, no, whatever.
KIONA: She was, like, going to be there.
KRISTEN: Yeah
KIONA: That’s good. Well, I’m glad that she put in all the work to get there. It just shows that it also meant a lot for her to be present in that moment.
KRISTEN: Oh, yeah.
KIONA: Well, since we’re kind of leaning towards your birth, start talking about the details about your birth. So how did you feel leading up to your labor, and when did you realize you were actually in labor?
KRISTEN: So this is kind of a funny story to me. So I definitely knew I didn’t want to be in labor on Christmas. So that was kind of like my only big thing. Baby was due to be born around that time. I was like, let’s just miss that day because I want them to have their own actual birthday and not have it be clouded by any other holidays. I also kind of wanted them to miss New Year’s too. So we had a small window. So the other part is, so my mom did bank it to town. And what ended up happening is the night before, I had the best sleep I think I had had in nine months, if not more. It was just like, this is a perfect… I must have slept for like 10 hours or something like that. And it just interrupted sleep. Didn’t have to get up to pee. Just deep, deep good sleep, sleep. Like, just snoring probably drooling all the things I slept. And I woke up and I told my mom. I was like, something’s up. I was like, the baby has to come. The baby has to come soon. Because there’s no way I was supposed to get that kind of sleep. That just doesn’t make sense.
KIONA: I was too good.
KRISTEN: It was way too good. It’s like they’re up to something in there. Like, you know how folks are. Just like, when things get too quiet, especially kids. That’s how it was. It’s like it got too quiet. Like, you’re up to something.
Um, so then I’m just kind of going about the day and I’m getting contractions here and there. And because I just always saw people’s births to be so intense, and maybe it’s because I’m generally there at the most intense points. I thought to myself, these contractions are fake. These are the most fake contractors ever. I was getting them throughout the day, and they were becoming more and more frequent, but it was just like, this is totally fake. Just and I probably said that several times. And then it was a point around 3:30 in that day where it was like, okay, these are starting to get, they’re still fake, but they’re getting to be more intense where I would kind of like I would pause on what I was doing. Or if somebody was saying something to me, I would kind of just be like, just hold on a minute. Just let me get through this one, and I’ll answer you back. And then it came to be a point where I had my rabozo, and I put it over in my bathroom door and started to do some squats. You know, that’s a tried and true move.
KIONA: Yes, I know. I brought it up for Kairo’s birth story. I was like, this is what we did. And it was amazing.
KRISTEN: Yes. And it was just like, okay. It felt so good. It was like, all right, this squad, I can really get a deep squat. Like, this is a move. Okay? And so that was, like, the first indicator to me, like, these might be a little bit different than the last ones. And I have been so nervous, I think, the whole couple of weeks before, because it was, like, never given birth before. And everybody’s like, you’re going to start getting those contractions where they’re just so heavy and so annoying and so intense that. You’re not going to want to do this anymore. You’re going to want to push the baby out, you’re going to want to be done with it. And so these started to begin to be like those contractions where I was like, okay, I guess I can go ahead and do this. I guess I could be the one to have because I don’t want to do this forever.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: So the contractions will come in and they started to kind of exhibit like maybe a seven-minutes-apart sort of deal. So I had my mom called Jasmine, and I was just like, just let her know that this is happening. Like, no big deal, these are fake. We’ll call her when the real thing gets here, right? And I say probably about an hour later from that point. So this is again, like 3:03 or 4:30 or so hours later. It was like I was telling my mom, like, let’s call the midwife and let’s just go to the hospital so they could tell me whatever they’re going to tell me, because I knew to myself they’re going to tell me like, I’m barely dilated, that this isn’t it, they’re going to send me home, whatever, my home. So I was waiting for the midwives to reach back, and we had made it to the hospital, and by the time we got to the hospital, it was just so intense. I’m trying to think of how to explain it. I knew that there were people around me. I knew that all the stuff was going on, but it just like my world got so narrow. I could see my mom. I knew what the hospital entrance looked like. Somebody asked that I want a wheelchair. I was like, yeah, yeah, give me that.
But I was aware that there were other people in the room because they let you in in the emergency room. But it’s just almost like none of that was a part of my focus. It was all just like a tiny, tiny, narrow range of focus. And then they started wheeling me upstairs, and it was just like once we got through those doors, I just started busting out crying, because I was like, this could be it! I could be going in here and leaving out with a baby. This is just wild. This is a whole wild experience. It’s still wild to me. It’s still wild that I had a baby in my belly just two months ago, and now they’re a whole, entire human!
KIONA: Right!
KRISTEN: So we go upstairs. They have me in, like, a triage room where they check me, and they’re like, oh, you’re 5 CM dilated. I was like, oh, so they’re not sending me home. So this is actually labor. So this is it. I was happy, but also kind of like, oh, wow. This is, like, for real for real,
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: And they did all my vitals and then took me to my actual room that I would be giving birth in, and that room had a tub. And so I was like, yeah, let’s go ahead and do that tub. So at some point, very early on, then Jasmine gets there, and I’m thinking to myself, well, now, we called and kind of let her know, but we didn’t give her the go-ahead until, I think, probably 30 minutes or so. It hadn’t been that long. And so I think around some at some point, I had asked her. I was like, yo, like. You know, like, we didn’t give you the go until such and such a time. I just how’d you get down here so fast. And she was just saying, the fact that you had your mom call and kind of hearing you in the background and all those things, she kind of knew that it was a real thing. I didn’t know it, but she knew it.
KIONA: That doula intuition, you know.
KRISTEN: Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. So she, she definitely had that intuition, and it was great. So we did the tub for another, maybe an hour or so, and then it got to a point where the tub was not as comfortable as it had been, and I was needing to get checked, and everybody was suggesting that a position change might be good. So got out the tub, got checked again, and I think before the check, they were asking if I wanted my water to be broken. And I said, well, yeah, if the check looks like that is something that will be useful, then that sounds fine to me. And so they checked and broke my water, and I was at a really stretchy seven, almost eight, and I think I had stretched to eight at that point. I was like, oh, wow, this is going fast and this is going smooth. And I’m like, I’m okay with this. I can do this. If I’m at eight, I got this now. Anything can happen. But I was feeling real good, so I was going and it was getting really intense. And then it got to a point where, I think they wanted to check again because at that point, it’s like, well, if I was at eight and then this had been a few hours, I should pretty much be complete.
So they checked again and I was still at eight. And so that was pretty like, okay, all right, well, I shouldn’t have got too happy with like, just kind of let it go, how it’s going to go? And so I know that Jasmine and the nurses, they had suggested some position changes. So I think I was on hands and knees at one point, and they suggested, let’s try side lying and let’s try, you know, kind of swaying and things like that. So we had done some of those for a little while and then it got to be one point where it was just like, I just wanted, I wanted everybody to be very quiet, because for me, it’s hard for me to concentrate when people are talking or asking things or expecting things of me. So I wanted the room to be quiet. I wanted to be relatively dimly lit, if that could be possible.
And everybody was able to comply with that. But they did joke. My mom was saying that they were joking kind of across towards each other, because I would just hey, quiet. Quiet. I need you all to be quiet. And they thought that that was the funniest thing.
KIONA: They were like, oh, Kristen is mad. Okay.
KRISTEN: Right? And I didn’t want to be a diva or anything, but it was just really hard for me to like,
KIONA: You were in the zone! You have every right to be a diva in the zone, the birth zone,
KRISTEN: okay! And they were like, the quiet. Just for whatever reason, it helped me. Whenever I breathe, I have to kind of breathe loudly so I can hear that I’m doing it, or I have to come to myself. So I kind of just like, know that I’m there. I guess that sounds kind of weird to say, but the humming just gave me something to kind of concentrate on and the breathing as well, so if other people were talking, it would have taken me out of that zone. So we were kind of doing that for a little bit, and then there had just kept being a point where the whole time I wanted to push, it just felt like, okay, I kind of need to push. And the midwife was like, it was too soon for me to push, because if I had pushed at that point in time, you can potentially make your cervix swell up if you’re pushing too soon. So this whole time I’m trying to hold in this extreme pressure. We kind of talked about this before. It feels like if a person is nauseated and they want to throw up, and then you’re telling them, don’t throw up, though. It’s really hard to do that, and your stomach feels sick, and you feel like, I can’t do this, and then they’re telling you, you got to do this for who knows how many amount of hours. So I’m doing that. Or any sensation that you got to hold in poop is kind of the one people talk about and compare it to the most. And it does feel like it’s just a lot of pressure down there that if you push against it, that pushing against it feels like a relief. So, them telling me I couldn’t do that for an unspecified amount of hours was just like it was getting at my mind.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: Finally, the midwife is like, well, we can check again to kind of just see where you’re at, because it was kind of like one of those things like, okay, if you’re at eight again, we might have to revise our plan a little bit. And so I’m thinking, oh, no, I’ve seen how this could go.
KIONA: Right
KRISTEN: I’m so close. But being at eight is not being at ten.
KIONA: Right
KRISTNE: Who knows? So they checked me again and I was at a really stretchy nine. So they were like, this could go to ten. Like, this could go to ten. Okay, well, I can work with that.
KIONA: Right, tell me what to do next.
KRISTEN: Yes, so my midwife, Laura, she was actually like, if I just kind of just keep some pressure there while you go through this next contraction, I might be able to help you stretch out your cervix a little bit and just have a little lip of cervix and that might. Might be all you need, and if you just do a little tiny push to kind of get the edge off, that’s, okay. And I think that was all she needed to say, is that I could do a little bit of a push because I was like, listen, I’ve been ready to do that the whole time. So I was able to do, like, a little kind of practice push, baby, push, whatever. And during that time, she was able to kind of get the cervix to move, kind of move out and stretch out a little bit more. So it was enough that I stretched to 10 CM dilated. So she was like, you’re free to push now. I was like, oh, listen.
KIONA: Yes!!
KRISTEN: And I knew it was like, okay, I never pushed out a baby before, but I was like if there’s one thing I know that I could do, that was, like, the confidence boost, at that point, it was like, I can push. Because the baby was pushing anyway. Whether I wanted to or not, it was happening.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: So I started pushing, and that just felt so relieving. It actually felt very good. I know when talking to clients, that’s one thing that they’re really scared of. Some clients are really fearful of actually pushing. And to me, that was the best part of it, because it was like, there’s so much energy that’s going back and forth that I have no control over, and the pushing is the one piece of energy that I have some control over. It felt good. It felt relieving, it felt empowering and just really invigorating. It was like, wow, it’s just almost like this huge burst of energy and this huge burst of, like, okay, this is happening. This is happening. Whether I want it to or not, it’s happening. And I have some level of control over it. It’s going to be over very soon. So it was just a very exciting moment.
And then folks are like, oh, okay, we can see a little bit of baby’s hair. And I’m like, okay. Yeah, that’s what they tell you. They encourage you. Yeah, Yeah, no big deal. That’s what they say. And so then there was a point where I could see baby’s head crowning, and I was like, oh, this is real now. This is going to happen. And there was also a point where I thought, oh yeah, the ring of fire. They did talk about that, but surprisingly for me, It didn’t really…maybe it was the oxytocin. It just really didn’t hurt for me. It was like a pinchy. It was uncomfortable. Fortunately for me, it was relatively a fast birth. I went in 5:39, was when we got in the car to drive out. And the baby was born at 12:40 a.m. So it was like 7 hours on the dot.
KIONA: Nice.
KRISTIN: Yeah
KIONA: Because that sounds good. That’s a good length of time.
KRISTIN: Yeah, it’s like the perfect amount of birth. It’s enough to give it some time for it to set in that this is happening, but it’s enough time for it to be done with too.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: So I saw my baby’s head crowning and me being in my doula mind, I was like, okay, once the head is out, boom. That should be it. The shoulders should just come right on out. And they didn’t right away. So I was like and it’s me being in my doula mind, I was like but I was like, well, I just keep pushing. And then they were just kind of like, well, if you can just move your hips a certain way and kind of just scoot up a little bit. And I’m thinking like, huh? Shoulders are just supposed to come out. And so it was really quick but, Baby did have shoulder dystocia, and that’s when the shoulders stick inside or are turning in a way, that makes them very hard to come out. So that was what happened. And my midwife was really quick to see it and really quick to respond to it. And that’s kind of one of those areas of care that if it’s not responded to properly and quickly and in the right way, things can turn just really intense really quickly. So I was so glad my midwife knew what to do. She’s very responsive and also very…what’s the word? She didn’t do anything that alarmed me to it. I knew just because I was a doula, like, something isn’t going as quick as it should. But she never alarmed me, which I really appreciated. She just kind of knew what to do right away and did it in a way that kept me calm and made me feel like, okay, things are going as they should.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: And then as soon as Baby’s shoulders came out, the rest of the body came out, and they put Baby on me. And listen, it was. It was all that I had ever, ever waited for. I had been waiting to give birth for so long. I’ve been waiting for this baby for so long. And just that first moment of us meeting was like, don’t even know really how to explain it. They are just my complete joy.
KIONA: You’re going to make me cry, Kristen!
KRISTEN: I’m already crying. Yeah. I don’t even know if I told the story of how they came about. It is such a process, learning about yourself and charting and checking on your cervix and checking on all the different fluids and what you’re mood is like and what your body is doing. So I had been doing this for like six months and no one knew that I was going through this whole thing except for my immediate, immediate family and Kristen. And they were just like, you just go through this charting, we go through all of these things, and this is going to give us the best fighting chance for this IUI to happen. I had been wanting to be pregnant for something like 20 years, so the fact that it happened and then at that point took so quickly. It was just very shocking to me. It was like, okay. Wow. After it happened, I probably knew within that first couple of days before I took the test, because it was just like everything just felt a certain way. Like, I could just feel it. And so I was super excited. And then I took the test, and it comes out, I’m pregnant. And I was like, oh, my gosh. As happy as could be. Literally as happy as could be.
KIONA: Let’s move on to your postpartum time. How did you decide to breastfeed? How was postpartum immediately, like, when you got home, how was the first few days for you?
KRISTEN: Yeah, so pregnancy was like, it was just, like, not my favorite experience, if you will. It was a mostly smooth pregnancy. Outside of the bleeding incident, it was a mostly smooth pregnancy. I mean, Beam was just in there chilling the whole time. A lot of the stuff that was going on was stuff that was going on with me. And then I had this amazing birth. So it was like, oh, this birth was amazing. I totally do this again. Not just, I do this again. Like, oh, I have another kid. It’s like, oh, I would do this again on a random Tuesday. Like, this was a good experience.
So I just really enjoyed my birth. So I’m thinking, oh, I got past the hard part. I’m done with that. Let’s go into postpartum and just rock it because it should be just fine. And Postpartum has been kicking my butt. It really has. I would say when I was in the hospital and then even after so there were several lactation consultants that I had seen, and they all gave me different kinds of advice. What was generally said to me is, Baby looks like they have, like, a little bit of a tongue tie, but it’s no big deal. And so I’m like, okay, cool. And so for the first couple of days, no big deal. They’re new, I’m new. Who knows how this should go? But there was a point where it was like, I’m in excruciating pain every time I’m nursing. And, I mean, if we’re going to do the math… I’m terrible at math. So we’re not going to do the math. It’s not fair.
KIONA: Okay. No math. No math.
KRISTEN: No math. But you’re supposed to nurse for like basically twelve times a day, those first few because it’s basically every 2 hours.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: So I got that part of that of math. Okay, 24 hours. About twelve times, maybe more, maybe less every day for as long as you want to breastfeed. So I mean, after the first week, this means I have been nursing hundreds of times. So hundreds of times in excruciating pain. And I was like, I know as a doula, I would never let my client go through that without saying maybe something should be changed if they had let me know that. So. It was just I kept thinking to myself, like, I am really in pain. So I would ask care providers and they were just like, well, it looks like a little bit of a tongue tie, but nothing too big, nothing too bad, and baby will start to go out of it at a certain point and just hang in there. And I was hanging in there for about as long as I could hang in there. And then what ended up happening is I had some lactation consultants at the organization I work at, so at Open Arms Perinatal Service, I was working with Elizabeth Montez and Markia Brinson. And the two of them really took the time to sit with me and actually took the time to ask questions, ask about everything that was going on with me, and then took the time to go through and look at Beam and look at their mouth, their anatomy, their structure. It was just so thorough, so many questions. And then they were like, you know what? We think that this is something that you should really go and get checked out, and actually ended up making a referral. So they referred me to Pacific Lactation and Wellness. Those folks were out there, were amazing. They saw the tongue tie and they were like, yeah, this is a severe tongue tie, so we need to do something about this right away. And they fixed Beam’s tongue tie, adjusted Beam’s tongue tie. And I will say that that made a huge difference. Breastfeeding hasn’t been perfect since then, but has greatly, greatly improved.
KIONA: Good, good.
KRISTEN: Yeah, because I was telling Elizabeth and Markia, I was like, look, I think I was maybe a day or two out from just saying, not quit this whole breastfeeding thing, I quit. It was just me trying to do everything I could to get through it and. You know, when I think about how well we bond with breastfeeding and thinking about times where it’s been like two or three days, where for whatever reason, for two or three days, I have to pump instead of actually nursing directly. The bonding, there’s just a different level of bonding with breastfeeding. So it’s definitely not to say that any way that a person feeds their baby that it has to be done one way or another. But for us, I really wanted to breastfeed, and for us, I feel like that really bonds us together like glue.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: I love breastfeeding now.
KIONA: I am so happy that your breastfeeding journey had that little bump of confidence after that tongue-tie revision. I’m definitely happy to hear that. I want to get some info out there for the listeners to wrap this up. You wanted to share the Quilted Health resource, like where you went. You wanted to share your doula, which is Jasmine Bryant, and then the Perinatal Support of Washington, because postpartum mood disorders are very common and not regularly talked about. So we’ll share that resource for sure. And then Open Arms Perinatal Services, which is you briefly mentioned, which is where you work, and they offer tons of services, so we will put a link down below for that as well. Before, you had mentioned a song that I wanted to share on your behalf, which was The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack.
KRISTEN: Oh, my gosh, yes.
KIONA: Tell me more about that song. Tell me how that…
KRISTEN: I had this whole playlist that I was definitely going to play during my birth, and it was just going to be this beautiful thing. And then the birth went so fast that no music was pulled out.
KIONA: Right.
KRISTEN: And it just never happened. But I did have the playlist set up and one of the songs was Roberta Flack The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. And it was just funny because my mom was like, when I played that, she was like, I had not heard that song in so long. Like, that was my jam and I hadn’t heard it in so long. It’s just such a beautiful song. And the first line is, “First time ever I saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your eyes.” And I just. You know, I would sing it along to Beam sometimes, and I couldn’t even get through it because it was just like I would cry. I was like it was true. It was one of those things. It was like when I saw their face for the first time, and even now, they can do no wrong.
KIONA: Yes! I love that. And I love that your mother also had a connection to the song. I think that’s great. That’s fantastic.
KRISTEN: Yeah. It was so good that she had a connection to the song, and it’s just so many things that we were able to connect with, just an intergenerational connection. So she would think back on her mother. I would think back on things with her. She would think back on things with me. Now we’re experiencing being together. It was like a connection through all of these things. Yeah, that song put a really nice, even now, I don’t even know if she wrote that song for baby. I don’t know who she wrote that song for, but it touched me in that way.
KIONA: Oh, that’s beautiful. I love that so much. Let’s see. Oh, one more resource that I will share on your behalf is Kristen Kali with Maia Midwifery.
KRISTEN: Yes.
KIONA: I will go ahead and put all of these resources down in the show notes for this episode.
KRISTEN: Okay, awesome.
KIONA: Let’s close this off with one word that you would use to describe your pregnancy, labor, and birth experience.
KRISTEN: One word. Let’s see. Empowering. It was just kind of one of the most empowering experiences that I’ve ever had. And maybe this is too soon to say, but it’s one of the most empowering experiences that I think I ever will have in life.
KIONA: It ain’t too soon. It ain’t too soon.
KRISTEN: Oh, yeah. Very empowering. Yes.
KIONAL And then this will be the last question, and I think it’ll be a good way to end is what is one piece of advice that you would give to all pregnant people to prepare for their labor experience?
KRISTEN: To let go of anything preconceived that folks may have told you about birth, about their own birth, or preconceived things that you may think about that other people have told you about their birth, or preconceived things that you may think about your own birth. Because, honestly, for me, the whole time, I kept telling myself this is fake because I thought that it was supposed to be more painful, more intense, more this or that, and it just wasn’t for me. It was not the things that people said about it. So let your birth story be your own and don’t take in other people’s, it’s okay to listen to it, but don’t take in other people’s stories. Don’t take it to heart. Take your own story to heart, and you’re going to write your own story.
KIONA: Right. Thank you. Yeah. That is a great, beautiful piece of advice because I 100% agree that’s part of the reason why I created this podcast as well, was so people could listen to other people’s birth experiences while knowing that that was their unique individual birth experience. But it also is a way of exposing yourself voluntarily. Voluntarily, like you’re volunteering yourself to listen to the podcast and listen to these stories. And you can hit pause at any time. You can take what you want and leave what you don’t. And you can realize that some things that happen for someone else may not happen for you. And that’s okay.
All right, Kristen, thank you so much for coming on The Birth As We Know, a podcast. I’m so excited to be able to share your story. I’m also very honored to be able to share your story. It has been an amazing time. So thank you.
KRISTEN: Thank you. Thank you. Kiona, I enjoy telling the story. I enjoy being here. Beam is sleep. So I know that they are comfortable and intent, and they enjoyed it, too. And so I really appreciate you and thank you so much for this opportunity.
KIONA: Absolutely, thank you.
Recording this episode with Kristen was so eye-opening and I really, truly enjoyed it. I really loved how she utilized her experience as a birth doula to help understand what was happening and going on during her own pregnancy, labor, and birth. She is filled with so much knowledge and experience and it was truly an honor to interview her for this episode.
For next week’s episode, I had the amazing opportunity of interviewing Mercedes Snyder. Mercedes Snyder is an amazing midwife and she was present at two of my personal birth experiences, once as a student and once as the primary midwife. Mercedes dives in deep on the six very different birth experiences that she’s had with her own six babies. So if you want to hear her beautiful stories, tune in next week.
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode today. Don’t hesitate to share this with your family and friends. If you liked this episode, feel free to leave a review so my podcast can pop up for others and they can see and listen to it as well. If you have a birth story or experience you would want to share on the Birth As We Know It podcast, head over to Kionanessenbaum.com and fill out the guest request form that is Kionanessenbaum.com. I look forward to connecting with you again soon. Bye for now.
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