7-Mercedes Snyder-Stillbirth-6 Vaginal Births-Something Beautiful Midwifery Care

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Ep. 7-Mercedes Snyder-6 Births-Something Beautiful Midwifery Care

In this episode, I am honored to share the 6 birth stories from my good friend, chosen sister, and midwife Mercedes. Mercedes speaks of her personal experience with stillbirth, hospital transfers, birth center births, and home births. She also touches on the differences she felt while under the care of a midwife versus the providers in the hospital.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only with no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. I, Kiona Nessenbaum, am not a licensed medical professional. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experience of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.

The resources I mention in this episode are listed below:

Something Beautiful Midwifery Care- Mercedes Snyder: https://www.sbmidwiferycare.com/
Evidence Based Birth: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/

Definitions:

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Transcription of Episode 6:

KIONA: Hello and welcome to Birth As We Know It. I am your podcast host, Kiona Nessenbaum. I have experienced birth as a doula, a student midwife, and as a mother of three amazing children with my husband and high school sweetheart by my side. After attending over 130 births, including my own, I’ve realized that each birth experience is truly unique. So make sure you subscribe and join me every week as we are guided through many different birth experiences through the lens of the storyteller. Please be aware that some of the stories can be triggering to hear, so feel free to pause, take a breath, and come back and listen whenever you’re ready. With that said, let’s prep ourselves to dive deep and get detailed about what really happens in the birth space.

As a reminder, this podcast is intended for educational purposes only and has no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experiences of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Birth as we know it. Podcast. Today, I am extremely honored to have an opportunity to interview a really, really close friend of mine, someone I love so dearly. Her name is Mercedes Snyder, and she was the midwife for my two babies. She was a student midwife for one, and the actual primary practicing midwife for the third. So second student midwife, third primary practicing midwife. And then we also were doula partners for about a year before the COVID pandemic hit, but she is now thriving as the owner of Something Beautiful Midwifery. And I am so excited to have her on this podcast today to be talking about her personal birth experiences of her young ones. So welcome, Mercedes.

MERCEDES: Hey, thank you.

KIONA: Yeah.

MERCEDES: Happy to be here. Happy to be here.

KIONA: Thank you. So Mercedes has been practicing in the birth field birth work area for about nine years, and she has been practicing as a licensed midwife for two of those years, which are the most recent two years. So, Mercedes, tell us a little bit about yourself and who’s in your family, how many babies you have, and that aren’t so much babies anymore, but how are they doing?

MERCEDES: Yeah. Oh, gosh. Who’s all in my family. Well, my mama lives with me, so that’s my a-spoon coon, my number one. She helps me get to all the places that I need to be for the families that I am able to support and serve and love on. And then I do have five living babies that are all getting kind of big. My oldest is 15, and my youngest is six. She’ll be seven next month. Less than a month now, actually. And I do have one kiddo that is no longer with us. So I have six altogether, but five that I’m still taking care of.

KIONA: Okay, nice, nice. Okay, so let’s break down the age range. So Lee is 15, right? Dom is he 13?

MERCEDES: Dom’s 14.

KIONA: Dom’s 14. Okay.

MERCEDES: And then Ezariah, she’s eleven, Ari is nine, and Aria is six.

KIONA: Wowzers, man, it’s been a minute since I’ve seen them.

MERCEDES: It really has.

KIONA: COVID messed it up for everybody.

MERCEDES: It really did. Oh, my God.

KIONA: We got to get the kids together. Like, when the weather’s nicer, we got to get together for sure. I guess this is a good question. Have you ever attended a birth prior to having babies yourself?

MERCEDES: Yes. Actually attended several births before having babies myself because I started 1s being invited into birth spaces. Well, when I a little bit before I was ten.

KIONA: Nice. That’s beautiful. So would you say that attending those births at such a young age kind of gave you a realization that you wanted to be there as an adult in those spaces?

MERCEDES: Yes. I wasn’t sure exactly how that was going to play out. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be doing that in the hospital or if there were other options at that time. I just knew that that was going to happen. Yeah.

KIONA: That’s beautiful. So walk me through your feelings and emotions around the first time that you found out you were pregnant.

MERCEDES: Oh, goodness. There was a lot of emotions involved. Well, I felt like my baby tattled on me just because of where I was at in life. I was a teenager still. Was I a teenager, or was I in my 20s? No, I think I was 19. I was 19, and I didn’t want everybody to know what I was going on, what I had, what I was doing.

KIONA: Right. Right.

MERCEDES: But my baby was going to tattle on me, so there was a little bit of shame. There was quiet excitement, there was a little bit of fear. There were a lot of emotions. They more leaned towards negative things than positive. But once I put the news out there and was then allowed to be excited because I was no longer fearful, then I was able to enjoy it. But initially finding out, it was a lot of like, my secret is going to be out. What!?!

KIONA: Yeah.

MERCEDES: Oh, no!

KIONA: Yeah. Everybody’s going to have to find out at some point. So talk to me about how that first pregnancy went for you.

MERCEDES: My first pregnancy was pretty easy. It. I was young, so that was definitely on my side. I had a lot of support at the time. I had my church family at the time. I had my family. I was getting to know my children’s, Dad’s family at that point, and everybody was pretty supportive. I was already out of school. I was in, you know, some community college. So, like, I had a pretty good network of people that I could talk to, vent to, and people wanted to give me gifts and hey, you need this. Hey, you need that. So yeah.

KIONA: Good. Let’s dive into your first birth experience. How was that birthing that baby for yuh? What was his name? I’m sorry.

MERCEDES: Josiah.

KIONA: Josiah.

MERCEDES: Josiah. Josiah. Well, Josiah. Birthing him was different. Because before I had the pleasure of birthing my baby and not worrying about vitality, I found out that he was gone. So I thought that my water had broken. I had talked to my midwives, and they’re like, yeah, that sounds like a strong possibility. And my mom at the time was not into the type of care that I was getting. So she’s like, we’re going to the hospital. We’re going to get checked out. The hospital? I was young, so they were like, yeah, no, your water didn’t break. You peed on yourself. I went home, and things just didn’t quite feel right. So I called back my midwives and they’re like, yeah, we don’t like what you’re saying at all. We want you to go to the hospital and get checked out. So when I went there, they couldn’t find any signs of life. And I was 39 weeks and four days. So just before my due date and labor was weird.

I didn’t want an epidural. I didn’t want a big needle in my back that scared me half to death thinking about it. And they offered me some IV medications to help me with the labor pains and labor sensations that I was having that they induced they induced me. And they did it kind of quickly, I think, because they didn’t have to worry about a baby. They just had to worry about my body. And in the middle of the night once, I was like, wow, this is getting pretty intense. They did have an anesthesiologist come in from home, and it was hilarious. I remember it to this day because I was going through contractions, waves, all the things. And he came in with cowboy boots and cowboy hat, and he had on a plaid jacket and, like,

KIONA: True cowboy status.

MERCEDES: I just remember thinking to myself, this is the anesthesiologist. It was like that really small moment of, like, everything that’s happening right now sucks. But this is hilarious.

KIONA: Yeah.

MERCEDES: And he was a really great guy and he’s like, I’m going to be super gentle. I’m really sorry for everything you’re going through right now. He’s like, let me get out of my street clothes and I’ll get that started for you. And so that was really nice because he made it a point to like after I thought about it, I’m like he made it a point that as soon as he got in the building, he was just going to come talk to me and then he would do whatever he needed to do for himself. So that meant a lot thinking back on it.

KIONA: Right.

MERCEDES: And yeah, I actually don’t remember the placing of that epidural.

KIONA: Maybe you just blacked it out

MERCEDES: He apparently did a good job. He must have done a good job. But, well, let me backpedal because it didn’t actually end up working. So I thought that it was going to do something, but it wasn’t doing anything. And my mom was having a fit. My baby, she’s in pain. Somebody help her, please. So they ended up giving me a ton of morphine and I don’t recommend that to anybody. I knew I was sitting in a bed. I knew I was sitting in a bed, but I felt like I was on a roller coaster going up and then flying down and then going back up and then flying down. And I remember going in and out of consciousness, then I felt that pressure to push, and that’s when I woke up. Like, I was up, and the doc checked me, and she’s like, yeah, your baby’s right there. You got to push him out. And it was 15 minutes first time. So pushing wasn’t hard at all, but it was definitely hard reflecting back and being at other births and realizing that I pushed and I didn’t get to hear a cry. So it was just quiet. Just a quiet space.

But, so first baby, that was a roller coaster and a half in all senses of the word. But everybody I don’t know if I caught the nurses and the doctors on a good day where they had a ton of compassion, but it was a decent experience. And I think what really made that really tied that whole experience together for me was the midwives that I had at a licensed midwife for that pregnancy. And it was a court accident. It wasn’t nothing anybody did. There was no negligence of any kind. Well, not from my midwives. From the previous hospital that checked me, maybe. But my midwife called me, and she cried with me while I was in labor. And that really, like. She cares that she called and was vulnerable with me in that moment, that meant a lot. So looking back in the moment, that was very hard. But looking back, it’s definitely something that I’m like, okay, those things happen, and they suck.

KIONA: Yeah. Did you have the opportunity to have any keepsakes for Josiah? You

MERCEDES: I did. I had some of his hair. He had curly hair, and we did end up cremating him, and I had his remains for a long time. And unfortunately, with the previous relationship, I was in with my children’s dad, we had lost everything, and that was one of the things that went missing, was my, was my son’s remains. So now I just carry memories of him, and that’s kind of all the keepsakes that I get to have with him, which is, okay, I’m good with that.

KIONA: Yeah. Oh, that’s beautiful. I’m glad that he had the opportunity, and then it’s unfortunate that you did end up losing those. But the fact that you have a silver lining yourself, saying I have my internal keepsakes of him and memories of him, I think that’s beautiful. That is beautiful. Oh. What else was I going to ask? I was going to ask something. Oh. Do you know how much Josiah weighed? Did they weigh him at all for you?

MERCEDES: They did weigh him. He was 5 lbs and 5.8oz. He was tiny.

KIONA: Nice. He was an itty bitty one. Yeah.

MERCEDES: He was, yeah. My little man.

KIONA: Yeah. So how did the birth of Josiah impact your future pregnancies and labor experiences?

MERCEDES: Ooof.

KIONA: Did you have any triggering moments, like, pregnant again?

MERCEDES: I was so excited when I got pregnant. I was shocked. I was definitely shocked because I was one of those ones postpartum when they’re like, make sure that you don’t do any hanky panky for those first six to eight weeks. Yeah. I didn’t listen to those recommendations. And I came into my six-week postpartum visit pregnant. So that was a bit of a shocker.

KIONA: My mom could relate to you on that one. She came into her eight-week visit pregnant with me. You were not wasting no time. You’re like, I know what I like to do.

MERCEDES: I needed the comfort.

KIONA: Right?

MERCEDES: That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. That was a shocker. And I was really excited. And actually, my family was really excited. I had some friends in that that were like, you think you’re ready for that? That seems really fast. But culturally speaking, or at least from what I know in African American culture, that’s, like, one of the things that they say that’s one way to heal your heart is to get pregnant immediately after losing a baby. And so my aunts, they were pretty excited. You are! Just really excited. And so from the first. The first pregnancy and finding out of being like, oh, my goodness, so much shame. The second one, I was just really stoked. Shocked, but stoked to have another baby. Was it triggering? Yes. Because I didn’t initially start with midwives again for that pregnancy, partly because my mom was a little bit scared. We didn’t understand cord accidents. You know what I mean? We didn’t know what that meant. So I went with an OB. And the very first prenatal visit that I had with her, I said, I want to be induced when I am term prior to when I lost my last son because I do not want my baby to fill my anxiety. I made that really clear. And I remember the conversation, and at the time, she was like, oh, yeah, not a problem. Completely understand. We can do that because when your term like, the baby’s ready, your body’s ready, it’s all good, no worries.

So I was like, great. I’m glad that you understand. I’m glad you heard that. And as we got closer, I think by about the time that I got to about 35, 36 weeks, my anxiety was really starting to pick up. And we had had some conversations, but in the back of my mind thinking that I’m the only person that she ever cares for, right? Because that’s kind of the mindset that many clients have. I understand. I was like, I’m sure she remembers that conversation. And we’re going to schedule an induction, right? Like, we’re going to get things rolling, right? Getting kind of anxious to get kind of nervous. I don’t want to lose this one too. And I just remember her in those last few visits being like, you’re fine. It’s okay. What are you panicking for? And it just was so dismissive. It was so, so dismissive. And I think by the time I got to…After our 37th-week appointment, I started just making trips to L and D, their triage. I was like, I don’t feel the baby. I’m having contractions. Something’s going wrong. And I think I had made about three or four no, maybe on the third trip, my children’s dad had said, are you not, are you not attending to us because of our insurance? Because we have state insurance? Like, why are you not listening? We lost a baby. I think at this point now, it was close to about a week from the time that we would have lost my first son. And the look on the doctor’s face, she was just like, no! And this was actually my doctor’s practice partner that we had this conversation with. And I think I was 38 and something at that point, I think. And I remember her leaving and coming back and saying, we could do an induction, but I think we should probably do an amniocentesis to see if your baby’s lungs are ready. And she walked us through what that looked like, and now I know that was absolute hogwash. They could have just did it. I was termed. It was fine anyway. But she’s like, we could do that if you’re serious. And if you look up amniocentesis, they put a long freaking needle through your belly. It’s pretty dangerous unless you need to do it to take fluid from around the baby to do this test. And I was like, yeah, whatever you need to do. If you need to stab me somewhere, let’s get it done, because I want to get this baby out. So we ended up doing that, and. Like that day. I’m pretty sure. Pretty sure we did it that day. They sent the test off, and they’re like, yes, your baby looks good. Go ahead and go home and pack. Come back and we’ll start the induction. And that whole experience was terrible. It was so bad. Had the whole thing, the prenatal care standard.

KIONA: Right.

MERCEDES: But once I got to that 35 weeks on, it was just bad. It was just terrible. And the birth, it, you know, should have been something that was pretty run of the mill, you know, it would be my second baby that I would birth from my body and should have went pretty smoothly, but, you know, this was confirmed that epidurals don’t work for me. And my family was like, you should get an epidural. Like, you’ve been through enough pain. And I was like, well, I could try it again. I could try and I had nurses that were afraid to come into my room. I don’t know if it was because of superstition. I, you know, it was really weird. I had an anesthesiologist that he placed it, and this was at the point that I think I was in that part of labor that you kind of go in and out. A lot of people fall asleep in labor and don’t even realize it, and they wake up during their contraction, and they’re like, ahhh!

KIONA: Right.

MERCEDES: That’s where I was at. And I remember falling asleep, and then I don’t remember falling asleep. I remember waking up and being like, it’s not working. Help me. And what I woke up to was the bottom of shoes kicked up on the side of my bed, and it was the anesthesiologist. And he put his shoes down, his feet down, and he was reading a magazine. He pulled the magazine down, and he’s like, I did your epidural. It’s not working. You’re just going to have to deal with it. And he leaned back in his chair, put his magazine back up, and then proceeded to put his feet back on the side of my bed. So they were basically in line with my face.

KIONA: Oh, no.

MERCEDES: And I just remember and this is when my family wasn’t in the room. I don’t know why they weren’t in the room at this time. I don’t know if it’s because the anesthesiologist was in there. Sometimes they kick everybody out until they figure out if it’s good or not. But, yeah, that was terrible. Was terrible. And then my family came back in, and I’m just hooping and hollering, and nobody knows what to do. It was so much it was terrible. It was absolutely terrible. And I try to avoid that hospital at all costs at this point. I’ve only had now I had one client that had to transfer there. But never again. Never ever again.

KIONA: Yeah. Yeah, man. So at this point, you’ve had two hospital birth experiences, both of which the epidural didn’t work. So what decision did you make? Well, actually, before we bounced to your third, how was the immediately postpartum for the second pregnancy? Was it positive? Was everything okay?

MERCEDES: It was so strange and relieving to hear my baby cry. I remember seeing him come out, and the doctor actually had him for a second. It probably wasn’t that long, but it felt long to me because I remember there was a slight delay before she put him on my chest, but by the time she went to put him on my chest is when he started crying. And I was just so elated. I was like, this is the moment I was waiting for.

KIONA: Yeah.

MERCEDES: Just wanted to hear my baby cry. And then they whisked him away to the warmer, and he’s still crying, so I could care less. I could care less what they did, because I’m like, he’s crying. I’m good. So the immediate postpartum was. That part. It was lovely. That was the ray of sun through the clouds for sure, for that particular experience. And then I had actually some halfway decent postpartum nurses. They were okay.

KIONA: Oh, good. And then so how did these two experiences impact the decisions that you made in your third pregnancy with, like, where to birth and things like that?

MERCEDES: Oh, yeah. I was like, Eff them hospitals, I don’t care. When I got pregnant with my third child, I told my mom, who was a huge advocate for me going to the hospital. I was like, I don’t care. I’m sorry. I’m not cheating on my midwives again. It’s not happening. I am going back. And it was great. It was great because they would check in with me about my first pregnancy and. Would have time for my questions, my concerns. The midwife that I had for my first pregnancy, I had for my third pregnancy.

KIONA: Nice, Yeah.

MERCEDES: So we again cried together a few more times. It was really healing. It was really healing. And I feel like with my first pregnancy, just everything was new. And having that experience, I was like, this is kind of interesting. Like, got the wheels turning. But then how everything turned out. I was like, ugh, as far as my life choices and life decisions and I really feel like it was that third pregnancy when I was with the midwives that I was like, yeah, this is it. This is what I want to do. This is it right here. Just because I knew I knew I was going to be in this realm in some way. I just didn’t know what way that was. And. But my third pregnancy was definitely the one that I was like, yeah, my life is changing.

KIONA: And so your life is changing, as in, at that point, you knew that you wanted to become a midwife, or at that point, you knew how you were going to birth your future children?

MERCEDES: Well, I knew I was going to birth my future children that way, point blank and period, it was over. Especially after the third birth. I was like, yeah, this hospital jazz is done, even though I needed them one more time. But that’s beside the point. I knew I was going to be a midwife of my third pregnancy. I knew that for sure.

KIONA: Beautiful. So you touched on it a little bit. So let’s dive into how the birth for this third one was for you.

MERCEDES: Oh, my goodness. Dominic was a hoot. I labored in the tub off and on. Well, let’s see. My third labor was 6 hours in comparison to your first two, which were… my first two. My first one, let’s see, Lee actually was 18 hours. So that was my second. My first one was a little bit shorter than that. I can’t remember the exact amount of hours right now. It was not a whole day, I know that for sure. It was not a whole day that I was in labor with Josiah. And again, I think they kind of expedited the process so that it makes sense. And apparently, my body agreed.

KIONA: Yeah, your body was ready. So you went to two births that were in the teens of hours. Right. So, like, 18 hours for Lee and then a little bit potentially a little bit shorter for Josiah. And then with Dom, you said 6 hours.

MERCEDES: Six

KIONA: OOH. That’s a big difference. We got to explain the difference… we got to talk about why it was so different because this was a different birth setting. You were no longer at the hospital. So were you in a birth center? Were you at home?

MERCEDES: I was in the birth center. And this child decided to stay until I was 42 weeks.

KIONA: Did you have any moments of anxiety and concern throughout his pregnancy?

MERCEDES: Ah. Like, getting past the mark?

KIONA: Right.

MERCEDES: Okay. Not so much. I and I think that’s because I had a lot of debriefing with my midwives. Like, it wasn’t dismissive. It was like, we understand. Yes. Look, you’ve made it to this milestone. This is not the same baby. Also, Dominic was a little bit smaller, like my older child, which I didn’t know. We don’t always know how big our babies are on the inside, regardless of ultrasound science. With him, they were like, we need to kick this kid out. We got to get him out of here. He’s doing too much.

KIONA: He’s trying to hang out for a while. 42 weeks.

MERCEDES: He’s trying to hang out. Yes. And so we had poked around at 41 and 6, 41 and six, which was the day before Valentine’s Day. And he just wasn’t having it. He was not having it.

KIONA: And by poking around, do you mean like, you did a cervical sweep or…

MERCEDES: Yeah, we did some sweeping, walking, other things to do at home, nipple stimulation, sex. He just was not budging. And so the next day, the midwives were like, okay, to get your baby out or else we have to transfer you. Which I’m like, oh gosh, I don’t want to do that. And so we continued poking around, doing stuff, walking stimulations, cervical sweeps. And then they’re like, do you want to try the castor oil? Because that’s the last thing that we can do. And so there was a delay because my children’s dad was doing his own thing as well. And so it took me a while to get the castor oil. I ended up doing it in the evening, like five, six o’clock, and things started to finally kick-off. Like, all of a sudden we gonna have a baby. Things was a rolling.

KIONA: Were you already dilated at all during your sweeps?

MERCEDES: I was a little bit. I don’t remember how far, but it was far enough that it’s like, why isn’t this working, kind of thing.

KIONA: You took the castor oil, and things started moving.

MERCEDES: Yes. And I was at home and I was trying to take a nap. The baby was not having it.

KIONA: He was like, you said you wanted me out, so let’s go. Are you trying to sleep now? Mom? Come on.

MERCEDES: That, um, and yeah, so it took us a little bit because I needed to get Lee over to a sitter. And the midwives were like, Where are you? Because I’m telling them now. These are like, back to back. They’re really strong. So it took us, like, 3 hours, a little under 3 hours to get back to the because we did go to the birth center. More poking around NST, non-stress test, walking up a hill, which my midwives are like, Get down from there. What are you doing? And. And yeah, got back, and then I had him in another 3 hours right before the 15th. So he still was a Valentine’s Day baby. Nine minutes before. Nine minutes.

KIONA: He was like, I’m a love child. I’m born on the day of love. I love that. Awesome.

MERCEDES: And he came pretty easy. I had a water birth, and he just kind of swam out. So it was lovely. I’ve never pushed more than 15 minutes.

KIONAL That’s beautiful. I’m sure a lot of the listeners might be a little envious, but it’ll be okay. I know that 15 minutes was nice, but it was also really hard to do a 15-minute push. I mean, not that we can control how the length of our pushing, but I know that my personal experience. My first was, like, 45 minutes, and then with Kairo, it was about 15 minutes, and it felt so much more intense. Did it feel intense, the pushing phase for you, or was it more of like, a powerful moment where, like, my body can do this, I’m ready to stop being pregnant kind of mindset?

MERCEDES: Yeah, the ladder like, this is it. Get out!

KIONA: Right!

MERCEDES: Yay.

KIONA: Yeah. Awesome.

MERCEDES: And also pushing to me, feels awesome. I know that’s not the same for everybody, but pushing for me, when I get there, I’m like, oh, finally, yes.

KIONA: You can work with your body instead of try to fight with it.

MERCEDES: Yes, absolutely.

KIONA: Awesome. And so how much did Dom weigh then? You said he was small too?

MERCEDES: He was my smaller one, so he was 6lbs 15oz.

KIONA: Okay. And I don’t think we touched on Lee’s weight. How much was Lee?

MERCEDES: Lee was 7lbs 7.3oz.

KIONA: Nice. Down to the points. I like it. And then after Dom, how quickly did you fall pregnant with your next child?

MERCEDES: 18 months.

KIONA: Nice. And were you guys trying at that time or were you just always having, always having the fun?

MERCEDES: No, it was just like whoever we’ll be blessed with is who we’ll be blessed with. That’s just kind of how we lived at that time.

KIONA: Nice. Awesome. And so how was that pregnancy for you?

MERCEDES: That was actually a really nice pregnancy. I was pregnant when I was 25 with her, and it was like 25 was a sweet spot for me for pregnancy. I enjoyed myself. I didn’t really know I was pregnant half the time. Just living life and enjoying the little kicks here and there. She also decided that she was going to stay until the last minute. I had her at 41 and five. She was supposed to be a Halloween… She was supposed to be born before Halloween. We had tried some things on the 27th and she decided she was going to wait until the 2 November. So she was also a six-hour labor.

KIONA: Oh, nice.

MERCEDES: And she was my biggest baby.

KIONA: Oh, nice. How big was she?

MERCEDES: She was 8lbs even.

KIONA: Beautiful. That’s awesome. That’s beautiful. And then was she I mean, I know the answer. Potentially, she was not born at the hospital, correct?

MERCEDES: No.

KIONA: Okay.

MERCEDES: She was not… born at the birth center again. And she was the first baby that I learned that babies do help themselves be born.

KIONA: Right.

MERCEDES: Like, everything is a learning experience. I knew at this point what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be, but I hadn’t actually started any of my education yet. And so this was the first time that I was like, oh. Because when I was pushing with her, I um and with her being my bigger baby, there was this one moment where I think it, I think it may have been I wasn’t looking at my vulva at the time, so I’m not 100% sure. I’m just feeling within my body, but there was this one moment where she was probably crowning, and I took a pause for a second because I had some pretty severe sciatica on my left side. And then I felt, like this *eee errr eee errr* kind of feeling, like with a little bit of a roll. I don’t it didn’t hurt, but I did, like, this little *ahh* like because it just felt so weird. And I remember looking at my midwife’s face and her looking at my vulva and then her catching my eyes and saying, like, yeah, she’s helping you. And she did, like, a little motion with her head to show me what she was doing. And I was like, well, she could stop. She can stop! I can do this on my own. I don’t need any help right now.

KIONA: That’s hilarious. Yeah. I can’t even imagine, I can imagine a little bit, like, how just strange that feeling is. Yeah.

MERCEDES: Yeah.

KIONA: Especially with already being in your vaginal canal and you’re like, *AHH* yeah… all right. She’s like, I’m ready.

MERCEDES: Let me out, Mom. Let me out.

KIONA: We were so close. Why’d you take a break?

MERCEDES: Yeah. Which is totally her personality, too. This is 120%. Absolutely.

KIONA: Yeah. So that’s three births within 6 hours. No, two so far.

MERCEDES: Two

KIONA: Yeah, because the first was in the teens, close to 20. And then Lee was 18 and then Dom was six, and then Ezariah was six. Okay. And then we got our next pregnancy. How was that? How quickly did you fall pregnant? How did that feel? Were you excited? Of course. Excitement. But…

MERCEDES: Ari was another nice pregnancy. I had a good time with her, too. She was a really active baby, which, knowing her now, I’m like, so fitting. She’s so active. She’s all over.

KIONA: I can attest to that all the time because last time I was at your house, she was over here doing cartwheels and you’re like, Ari, what are you doing? Stop. Chill out.

MERCEDES: Constantly.

KIONA: Yeah.

MERCEDES: Still to this day. Yeah, she was a nice pregnancy. I didn’t have any issues with her. Well, yeah, I didn’t have any issues with her. My midwife might say different. I think I complained more during her pregnancy. The way that I look at it, I had a good pregnancy.

KIONA: Good. Good.

MERCEDES: Yeah. She was interesting. So she also tried to hang out until the last minute. I think I was 41 and three when I went in for a biophysical profile ultrasound, where they check on fluid and how babies tone, how they’re breathing, all that, and they get a score. And when I went there and they were looking, they’re like, there’s no fluid in here. Did your water break? No, I know what it’s like for my water to break. No, my water has not broken. And they’re like, well, you’re having a baby today. Where do you want to go? Which hospital? I’m like, I don’t want to go to any hospital, so I’m going to go back to my midwives. And I remember the perinatologist, who I actually know pretty well because I know one of her besties. I used to work with her bestie. So I’ve bumped shoulders with her outside of work, and but she looked at me, and she, like, pulled her glasses down a little bit, and she put them back up, and she’s like, hold on a minute. I’m gonna go call your midwives. Like, Okay. That’s fine. Go ahead and call them.

So she comes back in the room, and she’s like, so I had a conversation with them, and we’ve made some parameters for your safety. I’m like, okay. She’s like, you have to be in active labor by X amount of time, or else you need to be transferred because you need to have a baby today. There’s no fluid at all. So and I’m like, okay. She’s like, and you’re sure that your water is not broken? I’m 100%. I am 100% sure my water is not broken. She’s like, okay, well, go ahead, drive over, and they’re going to get you started. But again, you will be going to a hospital if you’re not in active labor by X amount of time. I forgot. She did tell me the amount, but I can’t remember how many hours it was. I just kept thinking to myself, this is ridiculous. Ridiculous. Just let me go. I don’t want to stay here having this conversation anymore.

So I didn’t have a ride, actually, which she was really clear about. I needed to drive over there. And I didn’t have a ride. I brought my oldest with me. I had Lee with me. My other kids were with the sitter because my children’s dad was doing something, I don’t remember. But we walked to the birth center. We walked over there.

KION: How long was the walk?

MERCEDES: Which was like four blocks. It wasn’t a big deal.

KIONA: Oh okay.

MERCEDES: It wasn’t long. Yeah. And I got there and they were all ready. Two students and my main midwife, they were ready. They’re like, we got all the stuff. Let’s do it. I was like, okay. And they actually started me off with a non-stress test. And they did that after somebody swept me really well. And I started contracting pretty immediately. I don’t know what she did with that sweep, but

KIONA: Probably what you do with your sweeps.

MERCEDES: it must have came from the heart.

KIONA: Mmhmm!

MERCEDES: Yeah, but I started contracting. Oh, they did also give me some castor oil. Castor oil milkshake thing that they had. And then my daughter started having some decels. Like, she started having some dips in her heart rate after I would have a contraction. It. And they all, well, two of them left the room, so my midwife and one of the students left the room while the other student was watching the monitor. And I remember the look on her face. It was very, like, somber. And then the midwife called the other student out into the hallway for a second, and she’s like, Dear, we’re just going to be out here for just a moment, but we’re listening. She’s like, you keep doing all the beautiful things that you’re doing. And I’m like, all right. I think I was on the birth ball at that point, not enjoying life. And they came back in, and my midwife was like, I’m so sorry. We have to transfer you. Your baby. She’s having decels after every contraction. We just can’t do that here. And I started crying. We were all crying. All of us were crying. It was an absolute cry fest.

And, oh, my then-sister-in-law had picked up my older son, so everything had kind of worked out. When they drove me over to the hospital, we were all together in the car, *sniffle sniffle* all this jazz. My midwife told me, she’s like, I just want to let you know there are options. This is not an immediate C-section because we had talked about that. She’s like, you can get an amnioinfusion where they put water back into your bag, because more than likely your baby is just trying to compensate and needs some more fluid around them for the contraction. And I was like, okay, they can do that. And she’s like, yes. She’s like, you’re a great birther. You do not need to have a C-section. She’s like, But I will try to help you advocate. She’s like, but you’re the number one advocate. So I was like, okay.

So we went over to the hospital, and I still remember this doctor’s name because it’s my maiden name, Porter. And she came in there. She was so excited. And she’s like, guess what? We’re going to have a baby. She’s like, we’re getting the O.R. ready. I do see the details. We’re going to get this baby out, and you’re going to be so happy. And I was like, I don’t want to a C-section.

And the look on her face just, like, melted off. The happiness melted off of her face. I’m sorry, what? And I was like, well, I heard that you could do something called an amnioinfusion. Could this be an option for this? And she was like, well, yeah, we could try it, but it might not work. You might still end up with a C-section. I’m concerned about the safety of your baby. And just the whole conversation just shifted so hard. I think this labor was another it was pretty swift. I don’t ever remember the first part of it because we were poking around so much.

KIONA: Yeah.

MERCEDES: But I had her after well, hold on. Let me back up. Let me back up. So she gave me this whole gloom and doom conversation, and I was like, I still want to try it. I still want to try the amnioinfusion. So they made me wait about 3 hours to do that, which I didn’t understand because they were so concerned.

KIONA: Right.

MERCEDES: They were so concerned. She’s like, we should probably get an epidural on board for you in case we need to go back quickly. Then we’ll have that. And I’m like, well, you could try it, but they don’t work. You could try it, but for whatever reason, I’m that 5% of the population that epidurals don’t work. And so she was like, oh, well, let me have Anesthesia come and talk to you about that. So he came and I told him my stories, and he’s like, oh, yeah, it sounds like maybe. He’s like, do you have scoliosis? Is there something going on with your spine? I’m like, no, my spine is very straight. It’s very healthy. It’s like, yeah, you might just be one of those ones that it doesn’t work super great. And I’m like, yeah, I think I am one of those ones. So he actually, in those 3 hours came in my room probably on the hour. I’m not 100% sure when you’re in labor, it’s a fog. But I remember he came in about three different times. And the first two times he was asking me, do you want me to try it? No. Second time. Do you want me to try it? No. And they wouldn’t let me get out of the bed.

They said I had to lay particular ways for the baby. I can’t be sitting up. I understand. But at the same time, it sucked because she didn’t like that extra pressure from me. At that point. The baby didn’t. So I was like the last time I was like, since I’m not allowed to move around, let’s just try it. Let’s try the epidural. Because I can’t move. You guys won’t let me move. And I need to in order to have this baby. So he came in and he’s like, okay. He’s like, I’m going to tell you the truth. This is really what he said. He said I’m going to tell you the truth. I’m a little nervous to try the epidural knowing that it does not work for you, and I don’t know why it doesn’t work. So I’m like, well, go ahead and give it a try. At this point, I am out of options. So he placed the epidural, and one side of me was kind of numb, the other side not. It touched nothing. And so I just was going through it, and I was just going through it, and I was so happy because my midwife and both her students, which is a really good friend of mine now, stayed with me and was holding my hand and helping me breathe through and all this jazz.

Right after he placed the epidural. That’s when the doctor finally came back, and she’s like, okay, I’m going to try and break the bag, and then I’m going to attempt to put the line through to give your baby some fluid and see if we can make these decels go away until you have her. Which I’m like, okay, yeah, let’s do it. And so she went to try to break it, and when my water is broken, everything just hits the fan. Like, it just shoots up. So she’s like, I don’t know if I broke it, but while she was placing the catheter, my midwife and the students were like, oh, no, you definitely did it because that next contraction I had, I was like ooowee! Oh my god! Wooh! And they’re like, no, don’t worry. You got it. You definitely did it. So then two and a half hours after that is when I had her.

KIONA: Did she still have details for those two cells for those two and a half hours?

MERCEDES: No, she didn’t. She didn’t. Yeah. And it was interesting because one of the nurses was asking me, like, going through my paperwork and stuff, and she’s like, Why are you here again? She’s like, Is it because of the brain, the baby’s brain from the ultrasound, or is it and I was like, what? What’s going on with my daughter’s brain?

KIONA: Yeah, that came out of nowhere.

MERCEDES: She said there is extra fluid in her brain. Is that why you’re here? I was like, no, I’m here for low fluid, and my baby’s heart rate is going down. And she was like, oh, okay.

KIONA: So did she have extra fluid in her brain, or was that just something she read out of nowhere?

MERCEDES: It was never clarified more. I should have asked more questions, but I think that’s what kind of pushed me, too, to be like, okay, well, let’s try, because if you guys are over here doing something extra because of something I don’t know about, then let’s try. But yeah, so that labor was interesting as well. Once my water was broken, it was pretty much smooth sailing. The only part of that is that doctor did not listen to me again, because she came in and checked me at that, a little after 2 hours mark, and she’s like, oh, great, you’re 8 CM. All right, we’re going to have a baby soon. And I was like, yeah, I think so, too. And she left in probably about, I want to say five minutes. It might have been longer, it might have been shorter, but I was like, I think I need to push. And the nurse I had was a newer nurse, and she was like, well, you were just checked. You’re not quite there yet. And I remember. The students both looking at each other and then looking at the midwife. And one of the students actually walked across the room, grabbed some gloves off of the wall, and handed them to the midwife and was like, if they aren’t going to listen, looks like you’re catching a baby in the hospital. When the nurse saw them do that, she’s like, okay, you were just checked. And that’s exactly how she said it. You were just checked, but I will go ahead and check you again. Or no. She’s like, let me get the charge nurse to check you again. That’s what she said. You were just checked, but let me get the charge nurse to check you. So she calls the charge nurse. The charge nurse walks in. She’s super giddy and happy, just a happy person. And she’s like, well, I heard you were just checked, but let’s go ahead and check you. So I’m like, okay. And so she’s like, oh, you’ve just got, like, an interior lip right here. She’s like, why don’t we go ahead and do, like, a little trial push? And I was like, okay. And I did my trial push, and I crowned. And she’s like, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait! We need the doctor. We need to get the doctor. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

And I did one more. I tried to breathe through the next push, and she just kind of was, like, edging herself out at that point. And then I had another contraction while we were waiting for the doctor, and the nurse caught the baby.

KIONA: See.

MERCEDES: And then the doctor came in about I don’t know. I want to say it was another five minutes. I think it was less. But she came in and she was like, wow, you guys are right. You do have your babies fast!

KIONA: Should I listen from the get-go? Like, come on.

MERCEDES: Yeah.

KIONA: Especially with them having the knowledge that this was your fifth birth. This is your fifth birth. They should have been aware of the fact that if a mother who is birthing a child, or not even just a mother, but any person, even if they don’t identify as a mother, if they are pushing out a child for the fifth time, they probably have a pretty good idea about what their body does. Yeah, they definitely should have paid more attention to that. And then how much did she weigh?

MERCEDES: She was around the same as Lee, so she was, like 7.7 as well. I’m pretty sure three of my kids were 7.7. So it was Lee that was 7.7. Ari was 7.7, and Aria was also 7.7.

KIONA: Beautiful.

MERCEDES: Yeah, 7.7 is a good number, apparently.

KIONA: Third time’s the charm, right?

MERCEDES: Good luck.

KIONA: Awesome. Yeah. So that was that experience with Ari. And then postpartum, you had your visit with your midwife, even though you ended up going to the hospital, or did you have to return to the hospital for some postpartum visits?

MERCEDES: No, I went back to the midwives.

KIONA: Nice. I also want to say how amazing of them to stay with you for the duration of your labor. That’s not a requirement that people have to do. Some midwives will just leave you there and be like, all right, you’re on your own now. But it seems as if you had such a solid and genuine relationship with your midwife that you guys could cry together, knowing that it’s okay to be vulnerable. And they were like, all right, we’re not just leaving you. We’re not going to leave you hanging there dry. You’re good, we got you. And so they stayed. I think that’s awesome. And so from previous conversations that we’ve had just with working together, I believe that you told me that Aria’s birth was your most, like, your wild card birth.

MERCEDES: Yes, Aria. So I had a three-year, almost three-year break before I had her.

KIONA: Three years from, like, birth to pregnancy or birth to birth?

MERCEDES: From birth. Birth to birth. Birth to birth. So she was my longest break that I had. And, man, it showed. It showed. I had postprandial hypoglycemia with her. Like, I could eat just fine, but about a half hour after eating, I would feel so sick. I’d either feel super sick or super tired. And the type of sick that I would get would be just dizzy and lightheaded. And it just was no fun. It was absolutely no fun. I remember being at work, and I had worked with the Swedish midwives in Issaquah at the time, and I was lucky enough to be sitting in between a medical assistant and a nurse. And I was within earshot of all the nurse, of all the midwives. But when I would eat lunch, there were a few times that I was like, I think I’m going to faint. And one of my friends who is a nurse, she would tilt my chair back and she’s like, oh, no, you don’t. You just need to chill out. Chill out.

I didn’t really know what it was, and I know I had had some conversations about it. And I ended up researching a bit and finding out, like, I had something that old people have postprandial hypoglycemia. It just was so random. It was so random. And, yeah, I didn’t have a good time that pregnancy. It was a little hard for a pregnancy. I just didn’t feel as healthy. I didn’t feel as strong. It was trying. It was definitely trying. And in that pregnancy too, I also had, I had more fear and anxiety towards the end like I did with Lee’s pregnancy, about her coming out. Like, I was like, I want her to I need her to come out before I’m 39. Like, I need her to be born. I’m feeling really anxious about it. And with my history of after my water breaks, my babies, like, to come out pretty rapidly. I think I missed that in many of my stories, but that’s part of them. My midwife, she was like, well, we could do castor oil, break your water. After a certain point, I think I was 38 and change when I was feeling very panic attacky, kind of like that anxious. She’s like, we can do that and have a baby. So I elected to do that. I thought that was a fantastic idea, and I was planning a home birth this time. So my midwife came over, she broke my water, I drank the drink, and we were expecting a baby in a couple of hours. No, not at all. Not at all. That was a 22 hours labor. The whole 20 hours was added on to it. It had gotten to the point of where my midwife was like, I’m getting a little bit concerned. A couple of hours before I had her, she was contemplating whether or not I might need to go to the hospital to get, you know, some Pitocin, to get, you know, just a little help for my uterus, because we were doing all the things. I was contracting. It just wasn’t anything progressive. I was walking and. I was doing everything, doing nipple stimulation. I was still nursing a kiddo at the time, so I had started to try to wean her a little bit, but at that point I was like, everything goes. I was like, Come on, use my body to come nurse on me. Nurse. And we were trying different remedies. She just wasn’t having it. Excuse me. And I think the sun started to go down. Yeah, the sun was starting to go down again at this point. And my student midwife has changed at this point. Like, they’ve cycled out. I have a new student midwife. I had two midwives at the birth with me and they were getting tired. They actually, at one point, went to Walgreens and grabbed snacks.

KIONA: Nice.

MERCEDES: We need to recoup. But I’m like, yeah, totally. Because I don’t know what’s going on. Then all of a sudden, I started turning a corner. I was checked because I was like, please tell me I can push now. Please tell me. Although I didn’t feel the familiar pressure. It was just a lot was going on. And she checked me and she’s like, you’re at eight, but your cervix is kind of puppy. She’s like, I can try to push it away. And nope, my body wasn’t having it. So I got back in the birth tub because I was in there earlier and apparently I had a serious rest and be thankful moment where they were like, oh, no, we might have to transfer her, because everything stopped. And I passed out for about an hour, half hour, half hour, 30 minutes, where just contractions stopped. I was sleeping in the water, being held up. I just passed out. Then I woke up and contractions went right back to their normal. And then I started feeling pushy and I pushed her out.

KIONA: Beautiful.

MRCEDES: So it was that last the 6th birth was an absolute trial for me. It was an absolute trial. I don’t know. 1st, fifth and 6th were no fun.

KIONA: Yeah. So do you think that you would give birth again ever?

MERCEDES: Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I would do it again. I’d do it another couple of times if I was able.

KIONA: Oh, okay. All right. That sounds awesome. I am the same. I feel like I could give birth. I personally love birth. I love giving birth. But I have realized that I have those feelings and emotions because the people that surrounded me during my birth experiences made me feel safe and supported and empowered. I don’t think that if Kavina’s birth experience, even though it wasn’t traumatic or anything, I didn’t feel as supported in my hospital birth as I did in my home birth or birth center birth, that if all my experiences went like Kavina’s, I don’t think I would have had such a positive outlook on birth. Not saying that if you’re having traumatic births, go to home or hospital birth, but I mean home or birth center birth, but just have the people that are around you, that support you and empower you throughout your experience to you know, have a positive experience. Easier said than done, of course, but…

MERCEDES: True, true.

KIONA: Yeah. Well, that’s awesome. I’m really happy to hear all of your birth stories. I’ve heard bits and pieces throughout the years, but I’m really excited and honored that you shared all six of these birth stories with me. And now my listeners and I’m really excited to just hear more about your midwifery practice and things in the future. I will link down your midwifery practice information in the description below.

MERCEDES: Thank you.

KIONA: Yeah, of course. And yeah, people can check you out.

MERCEDES: All right, sounds like a plan.

KIONA: Awesome. Well, thank you for sharing your stories with me, and I’m super honored to have been able to be the one to spread them to the world. And thanks for coming on Mercedes.

MERCEDES: All right, sounds good. You’re so welcome. Thanks for inviting me.

KIONA: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Interviewing Mercedes brought me so much joy. It was such an honor to hear all six of her different birth experiences, and I was truly elated to hear that those birth experiences, is what led her to become a midwife.

After I stopped the recording with Mercedes, I realized that I forgot to ask her my two final closing questions that I ask each person I interview. The first question is, what advice would you give to a pregnant person as they prepare for labor? Her answer is unsolicited information is at an all-time high when it comes to pregnant bodies, so it is okay to reject information you do not want to retain. Everyone does not have the same experience, regardless if family or friend. It is okay to set the pace on your pregnancy, birth and postpartum adventure. If you do not have labor support and this is your first birth or first birth in a different setting, please, at the very least, check out a childbirth education class and get a Doula. The second question I ask is what is one resource I can share with the listeners on your behalf? Mercedes’s answer was, I love to encourage people to check out Evidence-based Birth. I love this particular resource in general.

Next week, we have the honor of interviewing Siena Butler. Siena Butler is the owner of Conscious Nurture. She has been practicing as a birth doula for six-plus years and will be sharing three of her personal birth experiences with us. One resulted in a cesarean, and there were also two amazing VBACS, one of which was a home birth that was pretty speedy. So tune in next week to hear the details on those.

Thank you so much for tuning into this episode today. Don’t hesitate to share this with your family and friends. If you liked this episode, feel free to leave a review so my podcast can pop up for others and they can see and listen to it as well. If you have a birth story or experience you would want to share on The Birth As We Know It podcast, head over to Kionannesenbaum.com and fill out the guest request form that is Kionanessenbaum.com. I look forward to connecting with you again soon. Bye for now.

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